Mama - the most dear and important person in the life of every child regardless of his age.
Misunderstanding and resentment can darken the relationship, so it is important for the parties to learn how to find a common language.
Particularly relevant is the problem of building relationships between mothers and teenagers, who are always seek independence.
The causes of constant quarrels
Disagreements usually occur for the following reasons:
- Unwillingness to obey. Often parents indicate to children the need to obey the rules existing in the house, since the younger members of the family are completely dependent and are not able to solve issues on their own. A popular phrase: "my home is my rules." Such a harsh position can cause a desire to rebel, to demonstrate their own independence and independence: late arrivals home, refusal to do homework, ignoring phone calls, etc.
- Financial differences. The unwillingness or inability of the parents to pay for all the child’s requests can lead to serious disputes, as well as the child’s inability to competently manage the pocket money issued to him.
For example, funds intended for payment during the week of school meals are spent on going to the movies.
- Distribution of household duties. A teenager may be assigned a number of simple household duties: cleaning his room, vacuuming the apartment, throwing garbage, etc. The reluctance to perform such tasks and constant evasion of them become a cause for conflict.
- Low academic performance. Complete indifference to school, absenteeism, comments from teachers - all this greatly upsets moms.
- Appearance. The demonstration of independence can also manifest itself in extreme experiments of a teenager with his appearance. Not every woman will be glad to see that her child dyed her hair blue or did a temporary tattoo on her face.
- Friends. Parents always pay attention to those with whom their child communicates. If the circle of friends is suspicious, they make efforts to protect the child from such communication.
Such interference with privacy is not regarded as concern, but as disrespect.
- Closure. Often the reason for quarrels lies in the unwillingness to share with your mom their experiences, problems. Complete ignorance of what happens in the life of a son or daughter makes a woman worry, which negatively affects communication.
Why is it difficult to find a common language?
The main reason for disagreement is misunderstanding by the parties of the situation.
The child does not realize why he is forbidden to do something, or on what basis he is made demands.
Mom cannot argue her position in such a way that the child objectively perceives the information. In other words, the parties speak to each other "in different languages".
The situation is complicated by the parents' unconscious desire to show their power and force them to do what they see fit. Teens despise such behavior, unwilling to obey.
The emergence of quarrels is inevitable for any family. The level of education, upbringing, financial well-being and other factors are irrelevant.
Children always conflict with their parents to establish their rights and receive the right to choose. The main mistake of parents is the belief that it is their point of view that is always true.
Psychology tips
Build trust and minimize possible conflicts if the parties follow the advice of psychologists and work on your behavior.
What to do if you quarreled with mom?
How to make peace with my mother if I am guilty?
It is important to properly assess the situation. Of great importance is the degree of guilt..
If objectively the child himself did not do anything reprehensible, and the quarrel occurred because of the unfair attitude of the parent, you should try to discuss the situation.
Need calm, without emotion explain mom your position. She must understand that she hurt her behavior. Discussion of the problem will allow in the future to avoid quarrels for similar reasons.
If both parties are guilty or the conflict has arisen solely through the fault of the child, then you need to initially ask for forgiveness. Guilty plea and a desire to smooth over conflict is a wise behavior that only a mature person can demonstrate.
It is this behavior that shows better than any words, that the son or daughter is really grown-up people who know how to be responsible for their actions.
How to ask for forgiveness?
What to do if offended mom? Some adolescents who sincerely repent of their actions cannot find a way to ask for forgiveness. This can be done in different ways:
- Just come and apologize. Any woman will appreciate if her child can overcome their own pride and sincerely admit that they are wrong. Such a bold act is sure to be appreciated. It is important to act sincerely, and not out of mercenary motives. False repentance is strongly striking, and this behavior will only exacerbate the conflict.
- Write a letter. Not everyone is able to express their emotions in words. The sense of shame that the culprit experiences is only aggravating the situation. In this case, you can write a letter with apologies and put it in a prominent place. This can be a handwritten message or an e-mail.
- Arrange a conciliatory surprise. Children are always knowledgeable about everyday habits, tastes, hobbies of their parents.
You can ask for forgiveness from your mother by giving her a pleasant surprise. This may be the purchase of a favorite treat, an invitation to the theater, etc.
How to apologize for lies?
Unfortunately, each of us has repeatedly deceived his parents. Schoolchildren are so eager hide your faults, adult children do not want to make mom worry.
If the deception is revealed, his motives for the woman have no meaning. In any case, she would be offended because her trust was deceived.
You can fix the situation only with sincere conversation.
It should be explained in detail why the lie "for salvation" was necessary.
If a lie has happened to hide its own faults, then one should not only ask for forgiveness, but also make a promise to not do anything like this.
Verse of apology
All women, without exception "Love the ears". Apologies in poetic form will be a real surprise, which will definitely not leave mom indifferent.
You can compose a poem yourself or use ready-made works. Even a short quatrain will be enough to achieve the desired effect.
An example of an apology in verse form:
"I am ashamed of this quarrel,
Words of forgiveness I send you.
Do not be angry, my dear, to me.
Sorry for everything, love you! ”
To she forgive you after a strong quarrel
What if I had a bad fight with my mother?
In the case of a strong quarrel, the mother’s resentment can be so serious that she does not want to engage in dialogue.
All the above reconciliation attempts will be ignored or even irritated.
It is very important in such a situation to remain calm and calm, preventing aggravation of the conflict.
Carelessly thrown remarks and accusations in such a difficult period. can lead to very negative consequenceswhen the return of relations to the previous trust level will become simply impossible.
You should be patient and constantly demonstrate your remorse in all possible ways.
It is necessary to show maximum care and attention, constantly make pleasant surprises, with renewed vigor perform all their duties. Infinitely my mother will not be able to remain indifferent to such manifestations of repentance.
How not to swear?
How to stop constantly quarreling? In quarrel both sides are almost always guilty. Accordingly, if the child makes efforts to avoid conflicts, the frequency of quarrels will noticeably decrease.
You can minimize disagreement by adhering to the following rules:
- To stop conflict in time. When the first signs of an impending dispute appear, a pause should be made. It is better to go to your room and ask mom for some time not to engage in dialogue. This will allow you to free yourself from the strong emotions that are present at the height of the quarrel. As soon as the state becomes calmer, you can meet to discuss the situation without clarifying the relationship.
- Do not climb "on the rampage." If by all indications mom is in a bad mood (troubles at work, quarrel with dad, financial problems, headache, etc.), you should not approach her and start talking about some difficult question. This is guaranteed to lead to conflict. It is better to wait for a more favorable time if possible.
- Appreciate what is. In moments when parents begin to annoy, the child needs to sit down and soberly assess their role in their lives. It will not be superfluous to make a list of all material and other benefits that are present in life solely thanks to the parents. Clothes, toys, entertainment, trips, hobbies - everything is paid for and organized by parents. Often at the expense of meeting their own needs.
- Fight stealth. Parents want to know about the child's location and be aware of his contacts not at all because of disrespect for his personal space. They are simply responsible for the safety of their son or daughter. Security can be ensured only with the necessary degree of awareness.
Elementary actions in the form of a call to a mother after arriving at her destination or meeting her new friends will help to avoid a lot of negative moments.
- Meet commitments. Each person has a certain range of responsibilities, so the requirements of the mother to clean up in her room or to be serious about school are completely justified. She should not do his work for the child or tolerate his disobedience. Responsible attitude of a teenager to his duties and the fulfillment of these promises will show parents that he can be trusted.
- Develop the ability to communicate calmly. The habit of constantly shouting, proving, sorting out relationships will spoil not only relationships with parents, but also with all the people around them. One must learn to speak in a calm, reasonable tone. Do not allow any screams, threats, sniffing. You can change your behavior only through constant self-control. Gradually, this behavior will become a habit.
- Remember that mother is the most dear person. Once it will not, and all the memories of past conflicts will cause a feeling of sadness and shame. You need to appreciate mom and understand that no one in the world will love the way she does.
Resentment at the mother in adulthood
Quite often there are quarrels between mother and adult children. Grievances can appear on different occasions: disapproval of a chosen one or lifestyle, financial disputes, recall of long-standing grievances and complaints, etc.
If the source of the conflict is mom's unfair attitudethen you need to find the strength to forgive her. It is important to understand that this is an adult with his system of values, sometimes erroneous.
Change her life position is no longer possible. It remains only to accept mom as she is. You need to learn how to take care of her and show attention without trying to clarify the relationship on any issues.
If you cannot resolve the conflict yourself, should seek help from a family therapist. The specialist will help to forgive each other and not accumulate grievances that adversely affect the quality of communication between their own people.
Thus, it is quite possible to improve relations with mom. We need to work on our own behavior and learn to avoid any conflict situations.
3 secrets how to improve relations with mom:
