One person wants money and power, the other one dreams of love and travel. One has a world full of friends, and another has monsters under the bed. And although we know that there are no absolutely identical people, we often forget that our interlocutor looks at things differently. We confidently impose our tastes and interests on our neighbors. We feed them with our favorite food, which makes them sick, and force them to listen to music, from which their ears wilt. Grandchildren give hockey sticks to grandmothers, and grandmothers give grandchildren knitting kits. But people are stubborn. They are in no hurry to accept our point of view. They reject our offers, advice, and even gifts. We sometimes feel hurt when they refuse to wear "that wonderful blouse" or those "cool jeans" that we chose for them with such love. Are all these people stupid? Or maybe they persist because of the harmfulness and the chronic desire to contradict? Or do they secretly hate us and try to hurt us?
Our trouble is that we look at everything through the prism of our own "I", and it distorts the world like a curved mirror. Therefore, we measure people with our yardstick, check other people's tastes with ours, and laugh at goals that are far from ours. We deny others the right to be personal. And if in the main religions freedom of will is inviolable, then we indignantly reject the right of people to free choice. Of us would have been very cruel and jealous gods.
Unwillingness to understand others makes us stupid. "If you loved me, you would like my bristles!" - the unshaven man on the wife takes offense. "Why don't you want to invite your fiance to our house? Are you ashamed of your mother and father?" - parents-sluts blame their adult daughter. Our point of view, like a billiard ball, constantly faces the points of view of others. We suffer and cause suffering to others. But we do not want to look for compromises, and therefore any disagreement with our opinion automatically turns into a dispute, and then into a protracted conflict.
But let's still break the shell of egoism and look at things from the point of view of others. And at that moment, when we will again impose our tastes on someone, we will try to see ourselves with his eyes. And perhaps we will consider this spectacle so repulsive that we forever renounce the desire to convert our neighbors to our faith. The art of looking at the world with other people's eyes allows us to better calculate the consequences of our actions. After all, we will receive feedback at the very beginning, even before we have done something irreparable.
But how to learn this "art"?
First, understand what the other person wants. No, not what you would like in his place, but what he wants. But do not deny a person nobleness! Remember: no matter how badly we treat him - he does not consider himself to be bad. And, most likely, quite understandable and even noble motives are hidden behind his "base aspirations".
Second, find out what your partner is afraid of. Everyone has their own fears. Some of them are quite understandable, others are irrational and have been haunting us since early childhood. And perhaps your friend does not come to your home, not because of contempt, but only because he is afraid to go to the eighth floor in the elevator. Or your cat is the world champion in the amount of wool left behind, and your friend is allergic.
Third, in order to understand others, neither analytical abilities nor telepathy are needed. Sometimes you can directly ask a person about his desires and fears. But often an ordinary tact is enough not to provoke a conflict and not put each other in an awkward position.
And finally, when making decisions, take into account the interests of your neighbors, and if necessary, look for compromises. This does not mean that we must give in to everything and in everything. Just moving to your goal, let's try not to step on the feet of others!
