Women often turn to psychologists with the question: "My husband is an alcoholic, what to do?"
The situation may be complicated aggressive behavior of a manand then the question arises whether it is worth keeping the relationship further.
Why do men drink alcohol?
Alcohol consumption - the problem is ubiquitousand men suffer more often.
Despite the obvious harm to health, the impact on performance, relationships with loved ones, they can not quit the pernicious habit.
The main reasons for drinking alcoholic beverages:
- The desire to escape in this way from reality. Alcohol seems to overshadow problems, they are forgotten for a while, as the work of the brain slows down, and the mind becomes clouded.
- Boredom. If in free time there is nothing to do, it means that this emptiness needs to be filled with something. Alcohol is the fastest and easiest way.
- For company. Some begin to drink, falling into a certain circle of people where leisure can not be separated from the use of alcohol.
- Family problems. The reason is close to the first - the man just wants to ignore what is happening next to him. Perhaps his wife is constantly "sawing", cheating, or he just stopped loving her, but you have to live side by side.
Drunk Psychology
Alcoholism not only adversely affects physical health, but changes the psyche, leads to degradation of the individual.
You will immediately recognize a person who has been drinking for a long time and regularly by his manner of behavior, conversation, reflection, and gait.
Regular drinking affects all areas of human life - family, social, work. At the same time, alcoholics are well aware of the consequences of regular drinking, but cannot stop.
Alcoholism contributes development of the worst personal qualitieswhich were asleep in the former state or were not so pronounced.
If a person was prone to aggression, then after taking alcohol, it manifests itself vividly, unexpectedly, and sometimes dangerous to others.
People drinking more prone to depression, stress on them have a strong impact. They often have low self-esteem, pessimistic view of the world, fears. Part of them survived the traumatic events changed the psyche, for example, participation in hostilities.
Alcohol helps to relax and temporarily remove the feeling of discomfort. At the same time, regular use leads to the aggravation of depression, the emergence of an asocial and immoral lifestyle.
Will power finally disappears. The only desire is to drink, all money earned is spent on alcohol, despite the awareness of their plight.
Landmarks for diagnosis
Alcoholism does not develop immediately, it is necessary to reach the third stage to complete degradation of the individual. but Anxiety must be sounded at the first signs of alcoholism. When he says:
- I use only once a week.
- I get drunk sometimes with friends, is it alcoholism?
- I can quit at any time.
Standard answers beginner alcoholic.
A man may come drunk from work almost every day, but it does not consider himself an alcoholic.
Attempts by the wife to pay attention to the regularity of drinking cause aggression.
Suspected alcoholism can be identified on the following issues:
- Do you feel guilty for drinking alcoholic beverages?
- Have you tried to quit drinking?
- Do your relatives criticize you for systematic drunkenness?
- Do you take alcohol to hang up and get rid of a serious condition after drinking a drink?
If at least one answer is yes, you should pay attention to it.
Alcoholism putif the following factors are identified:
- job loss due to systematic drunkenness;
- violation of relationships with a partner due to regular drinking of alcoholic beverages;
- driving to the police station due to drinking alcohol;
- there were signs of deterioration in health, as well as those that accompany alcohol dependence.
Patients at the same time may respond that they are not drawn to drink, they do not have an abstinence syndrome, but this does not mean at all that they do not have alcoholism, since it's hard to admit even to oneself in having dependency.
Life with an alcoholic
Living with an alcoholic - real hell for a womanFor some reason, many of them seriously think that they can fix something on their own, make a man leave.
A woman turns into a "mommy", patronizing her husband, adding another dose to him, so that he calms down and does not behave aggressively. This could go on for many years.
Woman adapts, finds a compromise, suffers beatings, insults, poor financial situation, but at the same time continues to live with an alcoholic.
She is in a state of constant stress, fear, self-esteem falls. Suffer and children, seeing what is happening in the family.
How to do?
- Do not live with an alcoholic, if you have such an opportunity. You should not become dependent on a person just because you have a stamp in your passport, you are united by a housing problem, or you think you love it.
- Real alcoholics very rarely change and quit the addiction. This requires a strong motivation, and it must come from within.
- Do not try to change a person - it is useless. Until he wants it himself, nothing will change.
- Do not try to cure him without his knowledge. - sooner or later it will turn against you.
- It's no use hiding money from him. - he will find them, will behave aggressively or go to friends who will surely treat him. Real alcoholics, even without money, find where to drink. It is desirable that the house was not too much finances, as an alcoholic will certainly spend them on drinks. A small amount of funds will complicate his life, but will not get rid of alcoholism.
- Do not blackmail yourself. An alcoholic will require money or drink by any means. Insist on your own. But note that some addicts are able to behave very aggressively.
- Stop playing lifeguard. You are not responsible for the life of a person. Only he decides - to live to him fully or degrade and lose health.
- Don't let an alcoholic carry you alongdo not fall with him to the bottom. In families where there is an alcoholic, by all means there is such a phenomenon as codependency.
Get rid of it, do not take alcohol for the company, or that your husband got less. This leads to mutual alcoholism and the destruction of the family.
Alcohol aggression
Drinking people often show alcoholic aggression. At the same time it is difficult for them to control themselves. In the end, sooner or later it leads to sad consequences - beatings, injuries, and sometimes death.
If your husband is aggressive, then you need to protect yourself and children from him.
Living next to such a man is dangerous - he not predictable and poorly managed.
What to do during the aggression:
- talking about treatment is necessary only when a person is sober. Otherwise, the aggressive state can only be aggravated;
- do not provoke further development of the conflict;
- try to avoid contact when the husband drinks, and teach this to children;
- in case of threats of beatings or deprivation of life, do not be afraid to contact the police.
It is important to understand that the alcoholic has reduced control over his behavior, he is not always aware of what he is doing and what the consequences of his actions are. That is why such a person becomes extremely dangerous.
Psychologist tips
If a man has a diagnosis of alcoholism, then the question arises - what to do next. It’s impossible to live with such a person, but if the wife loves her husband, she will seek to somehow fix the situation.
However, this often turns against her. The result - fatigue, frustration, constant stress.
Is it worth living with that?
Diagnosis of alcoholism - this is a degradation of the personality, but it has this effect not only on the person himself, but also on his immediate environment too.
Is it worth living with an alcoholic if he is not going to be treated? The clear answer is no.
Answer your questions:
- What do you suffer for?
- Does your children need such a father with such a negative example?
- How does the husband's alcoholism affect the financial condition of the family?
- Is he for you support and support?
- Is a person a danger to you, children and others?
- Why do you keep living with him?
If you think you live with him because you love, think, and what kind of love is that? And is it really love or habit, social addiction, fear of being left without a man at all because of his own insecurity.
An alcoholic man, as a rule, does nothing for the family. At the same time, by destroying his psyche, he destroys the psyche of close people. All who are nearby are under constant stress.
It’s worth living together only if the alcoholic decided to correct and really takes steps to cure himself. However, do not believe promises, but look at real actions and results. What is he doing? How trying to get rid of addiction.
How to disaccustom the guy to drink?
Alcoholism can occur at any age.
On a young body alcohol has a particularly strong effect and addiction develops quite quickly.
To criticize a person, to pay his attention to the wrong behavior is useless.
A guy should want to quit drinking himself! Motivation is important. Do not think that if he promises you to stop drinking in the near future, from Monday or from next month, he will fulfill this promise.
Most likely, he will simply forget about him when regular friends call him to spend his leisure time.
Alcoholic always finds reasons. Then he had stress, then trouble at work or with friends quarreled - why drink, there is always.
One of the options - the threat of his throwif he does not reduce alcohol intake. But you must understand that addiction can return at any time, even after many years. Are you ready for this?
How to make her husband stop drinking?
As already mentioned - important motivation and purpose - for what, in fact, stop drinking.
Alcohol must be replaced by other things - work, socializing with family, travel, hobbies.
A man must be constantly busy with something there was no time for drinking alcohol.
The support of close people and, in particular, the wife is also important. Forget about criticism, do not remind how he spent time with friends, otherwise he again will have a desire to go to them.
Be a friend to him. Do not justify his actions and craving for alcohol. And stop pitying him. Pity is the most dangerous feeling.
In the House there should be no alcoholic beverages. It is advisable to even remove away drugs containing alcohol. The temptation should be absent completely.
If it is impossible to recover by own efforts, consultation of the narcologist and the psychologist is recommended. They will prompt the correct steps of recovery and help you choose the best ways to get rid of dependence.
Visit to the narcologist almost necessarily at the second and third stages, as in this case, getting rid of dependence becomes quite difficult.
To live or not with an alcoholic, whether to continue to fight - everyone chooses for himself. But remember that your life is much more valuableand if you understand that the addict takes you to the bottom with you, take care of your own safety and happy life.
What if my husband drinks? Psychologist's tips in this video:
