Question to the psychologist:
I have bouts of despair. There is something like depression when nothing helps me. I am rather lonely, I never lived except with my family. Dad was a hard man, an alcoholic, but I'm no better. I hardly find work, in essence these are places that no one needs, because of the load constant turnover. Therefore, I have no life, frankly. I am an old maid, and I have the horror of one thought about my family, although I have never lived otherwise, but I feel nothing but anger and resentment towards my relatives. In general, everything, nothing more to write.
There are many tips to develop and communicate. You see, nobody cares how developed you are. I love to study and travel. Nobody cares. I look pretty decent, not crazy. But I like a shadow, I guess. I write poems or just texts, sometimes, on occasion. As it won the prize for a poem in Japanese. I do not like, frankly, and do not feel much of a desire.
I have no talent. I usually rarely tell anyone about my hobbies, my teacher at the university, as I said, will not believe you. He is a good man, he adapts very well, I would like to be a bit like him. He is very honest in his own way. But this honesty is not like a crystal, but such - if you squeeze one eye tightly and try not to smell, then it seems to be good. He looks like my mom with something. You know, if you give a hungry and sick person a tiny piece of food and smile sweetly. So here. He is telling the truth.
But it was not difficult to learn languages and read a lot. I'm not married, this is a consequence of an empty life. And according to this letter, you see, I can calmly appeal to any person. It is unpleasant and does not make sense, but technically, I am quite sociable. Sometimes men write on the site, single women, meet and cuddle, you will be happy. I do not know what kind of happiness. I do not complain, I have no thoughts or feelings all my life when I remember myself, nothing but the desire to commit suicide, or to kill someone, but this is really an empty anger with which I can cope. I do not want to meet people. In groups, the hollowest and meanest people usually have weight. I am in general with humility to this, I can say. I can't kill them. God is with them.
This is not the worst, usually most of all problems because of the crazy. Indeed, people with organic brain damage. Schizophrenia or alcoholism. Work and study in an official institution and so hard. No human rights, this is an elegant paradox, like Atlantis. I do not want to do anything out of my life, but I did not even see people with other possibilities. And sick people destroy everything. Society is sick, I understand, when a woman is a prostitute, one might say, well, such a life strategy. This causes a lot of problems, not to mention the broken lives and abandoned children. But why should one not develop an interest in life in children and not teach them something. And leave, as with rabid animals in a cage. And in adult life, these psychopaths stretch. I sometimes meet former acquaintances or colleagues. Willy has to communicate. Well, of course loans are recruited. People are just crazy, why in the state no one notices that morons can not be capable.
This I mean, I do not want to meet and cuddle with people. I do not blame anyone, I just have nothing to distribute to the needy.
I have housing and higher education. My parents always helped me. I can not even rude anyone, not to hit. The site is often advised to help the poor. No effect. I worked in court, people there are very sorry, I always feel sorry for unfortunate, deceived people or hungry and desperate. So I do not know who to kill to stop all this hell, frankly ... I have not met anyone guilty. It is like fate. Honestly, I am usually the poorest at work, retirees often have a decent salary pension, the family is supported by married people, and I have to help my parents who don’t like me. More precisely, I have something for them that should be ashamed, because from me neither help nor grandchildren. And I do not enjoy life, I do not know why.
I do not care. Good people or bad ones, it seems to me, it is necessary to destroy everything, because it is impossible to make a correction, especially if mental disorders are irreversible. There is no adaptation. And lying is useless.
Do not fool yourself, is not it?
By the way, in terms of the effectiveness of justice. There is no point in going to court. It became even calmer when I worked for several years in this system. All the same, by the end of life you become happier. Gradually, you will find out that all social institutions are nothing. And people have always been indifferent to you. Hopes and desires, that's what caused the suffering. It may even be good that there is no point in life.
I have very unhappy friends, if I could, I would like to help them. Single women with sick people they contain. Hungry have the right to be fed. If everything is lost, and there is no possibility in the country to do something, well, at least let humanitarian aid be distributed. After all, sorry for the people. And work is not found to survive.
A close friend of mine lives with her father schizophrenic, he has long been like a vegetable. And she herself is very ill and she hardly managed to get a job, despite two higher educations. I do not understand why she should starve. And advice to find a man especially for her, if you knew how offensive it is for a woman. It’s like life, I’ve put them in a muddy puddle, so they also get dirty from inside. But it is quite in the spirit of the general strategy of lies and survival. She never complains, on the contrary, sympathizes with me, I always study people with interest, it entertains me. Happiness does not, on the contrary, as a collection of vomit. I'm pretty cute, they pull me. I just keep quiet and give an opportunity to my new friend to tell about myself.
She is always joking. Easy character. I am the opposite of this friendship. She sometimes asks me to stop saying bad. But I never calm down until I find out who I am really dealing with. Nothing bad, especially selfishness and laziness, can not be trusted, if something is promised, this is already a gift. Nothing will follow.
I would like to talk about other cases, but not a single man is a consolation, always a problem, I don’t know why, apparently, a man should be able to support his family, otherwise he turns into a monster who takes his misfortune on others.
I once thought that in order to help my friends solve problems, I should immediately distribute about 20 million rubles, and this is only for desperate needs, like paying for treatment, funerals, necessary housing and education, I think with horror, because it is necessary that work was at all. And people live like rabble, although young, sober and educated. And everyone has a family, because you need to help. I have long seen, familiar people buy clothes rarely and many in secondhand. They eat very little and get sick. And no future. It seems to me that the word "future" should be canceled. Literally. As having no basis in reality.
I have almost no friends, I am afraid to start a relationship, again I will worry and try to do something, but I have no strength.
Recently, a neighbor in the cottage committed suicide. A midlife crisis, think so. He was fine, he was always very active, and the children were already adults; everything was also good. I was surprised, to be honest. He fully family provided. True, there was an unpleasant story. They began to gossip that his wife had an affair with another. But it was empty talk, he cared for her, but she gave no reason. He shot himself unexpectedly, already everything and this story was forgotten.
You have an interesting site, in terms of unsolvable misfortune and ruined life, you see, people are suffering a lot. How can a psychologist help? Do new relationships? Even if you do not understand what the insult. Let you and more and more destroy. “People met and cuddle. Happiness is in love. ”Can't you see, this is not the way to salvation. Well, let's say, if a person's heart is overgrown with wool. Although also not an option. Still deceived.
I had a friend at work. He is a very rich man, one might say. Your business and great opportunities. More precisely, a few firms from him. So he married unexpectedly a young actress, provided her with a new life. He is pretty enough and intelligent as a person. Well, she a little over a year later robbed him and went abroad with some sort of gigolo. He suffered a lot and lost a lot of money. But it was not the worst, because he lost interest in business. Or the reputation of a business person suffered. In general, he was out of sight.
I do not want to wake up in the morning. I do not understand, if there is a fate, why I was born. This is unfair, I did not have a moment when I was not like an illusion. I have to pretend all my life. That I am glad of emptiness, although I do not understand what is really there?
Olga, Moscow
