Mother-in-law does not allow to live in peace: what to do

"The mother-in-law does not allow us to live in peace, constantly nagging, sticking his nose in his own affairs. She thinks that I don’t clean up, cook, badly raise her grandchildren. But the most offensive is that she turns her husband against me. not a pair. "

The problem of the relationship of the daughter-in-law with the mother-in-law does not exist for the first century. As soon as the girl comes of age, they begin to frighten her with a "terrible bloodthirsty mother-in-law." And, truth, sometimes such inadequate characters come across, about which it is a sin not to make an action film. But more often both sides are good. In fact, any conflicts between mother-in-law and sister-in-law are easily explained, and moreover, can be resolved.

What is the dispute about?

Quarrels usually begin immediately after the wedding. The reason is always. Remarkably, they are the same in all families. Among psychologists, there are even top 5 such reasons:

Order and cleanliness. The young sister-in-law does everything wrong, things are scattered, the dishes are not folded, or even not washed at all, there is dust on the shelves.
Family budget. The mother-in-law constantly seems that the young wife is wasting his son's money, which he earns so hard. As in that joke: "Listen, Masha, my daughter was so lucky, her husband was clever, she presented a necklace with diamonds for March 8. And she got a natural bitch to her son: buy a coat, then a little ring, absolutely no conscience."
Children. According to the grandmother, the children of the daughter-in-law are always dirty, hungry, and completely ill-mannered. Not like her.
Things are kitchen. This is a separate topic. Mother-in-law terrifies the diet of a young family. How can you eat hot dogs and meet the New Year without a hot one? And if the sister-in-law is a vegetarian? God forbid! She wants to bring her beloved son to stomach ulcers.
Marital fidelity. It seems suspicious to the mother-in-law that the daughter-in-law is wearing beauty before she goes to the store, wears offensive work orders, smiles at her neighbors. Surely she has someone, and maybe her grandchildren, fed up on the side.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Over time, verbal skirmishes lead to serious tensions in relationships. In the end, both women begin to have burning hatred and deepest resentment towards each other. The husband also suffers, he is constantly forced to listen to complaints, demands to punish the offender, etc. His heart is broken, he cannot choose between his mother and his beloved, and often leaves the family.

Look at the problem deeper

Wars between wives and mothers of their husbands have been going on for a very long time. Even his own interpretation of the words "daughter-in-law and mother-in-law" ("God knows who" and "roll blood") was invented. Why is this happening? Where does the mother-in-law want to destroy his family? It's very simple:

For mom, the son always remains a child, even if he is already two meters tall with a size 45 feet. And for children, you always want the best. Just imagine, she has been raising him for so many years, she has given the best (in her opinion). And then the bride with her charter. The mothers-in-law, who had to bring up their son alone, are especially worried.
We are from different generations. Some 50, or even 40 years ago, it was decided to obey the senior family members without question. The young were to earn respect. It was only possible to express one’s opinion closer to retirement.
If the mother-in-law does not work or she has a lot of energy, wait for trouble in the house of the young. She simply does not see the lessons more important and useful than instructing the young family on the right path.
The abandoned mother is afraid of loneliness, she seems to have forgotten her. In fact, after the son matures and has a family, the woman loses her authority. And if her opinion is not that they are not considered, and do not even want to listen, then the feeling of resentment reaches its limit.
Hello, menopause. Serious hormonal changes in the body of women often fall to the period when their children start a family. And although menopause is not considered to be a disease, it’s difficult not to notice its symptoms. The mother-in-law is often annoyed, quarrelsome, often falls into hysterics and seems completely inadequate - do not worry, this will soon pass.

What can be done?

It is good if this question arises at the initial stage of conflicts. In this case, it is still very easy to change the situation. But when grievances accumulate over the years, I will say from my own experience that only moving can help. The further, the better. If this is not possible, then you need to use other methods:

Be wise. Try making friends with the mother-in-law. Learn about her interests, start watching the same series, go to the theater or the cinema together. Does this seem absurd to you? Think about the fact that in the end you will receive the main prize - the recognition of your husband as the best wife and daughter-in-law for his mother.
Be cunning. Be interested in opinion, but act differently. Outsiders extol her mother-in-law, especially those who clearly collects and brings her rumors.
Be self-sufficient. If your family is in the care of the parental family, then it will be quite difficult to avoid its involvement. Try to find a better paying job to be able to support yourself.
Be discreet. Do not make remarks to your husband and do not conflict with him in the presence of her mother-in-law. Find out the relationship with her too alone. In this case, think a hundred times, and whether it is necessary at all to express their claims. Scandals often grow out of trifles.
Be indulgent. Remember, there are no perfect people. Try to enter the position of the mother-in-law. In the end, imagine that in just a few decades, you will be experiencing no less for your grown-up child.

"It took me 8 years to understand my mother-in-law. It was just very important for mom to be in the know, give advice and share her knowledge. And I deliberately removed her from our family, which caused her anger and resentment. In the end, we stopped cursing when I began to ask her mother-in-law for her point of view. I’ll say that the criticism and quarrels in our house stopped altogether. "

Yes, it is not easy to build a good relationship between the clans. Different upbringing, values, foundations, and few reasons! But the woman who can make friends with her mother-in-law will feel relief and make both families happy.

Vlada, Moscow