Love is a great feeling that can give strength to completely change your life. If you are reciprocated, you are experiencing an incomparable emotional lift. I want to enjoy life and breathe deeply, it seems that all problems are nonsense. On the contrary, unhappy love can kill faith in oneself and other people, cross out all goals, dreams and plunge into the deep abyss of depression. How to get rid of affection that destroys a person and bring back bright colors to the world?
Find the root of the problem
It is very difficult to help and explain something to a person who experiences unhappy love. He is often in such a depressed state that he simply does not want to listen to anything. It seems to him that no one can understand him, the whole world is on the other side of his unshared feelings. If you are experiencing an internal tragedy due to an unfulfilled personal relationship, and all of the above applies to you, you should not react sharply to the following information. After a while, you will return to this again and realize that one of these points applies to you.
The causes of unhappy love are not in the object of affection, not in its neglect of our feelings, but in ourselves. Most often the cause of suffering are:
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The need for emotion.
The need for emotion.Many of us are emotional addicts. New impressions, sensations, events are needed by people like air. When in life a period of calm and nothing happens, a certain shake-up is necessary. Subconsciously, the "emotional addict" begins to look for a reason to get a new dose of impressions.
Being in love is one of the easiest ways to get new sensations, and if it turns out to be non-reciprocal, then suffering helps to feel "alive" and fill the world with new colors. Let even black.
- The need to fill the lack of love.
There are people who lacked the love of parents in childhood and adolescence. When they become adults, they constantly try to fill it with those around them. The problem is that they need recognition of their merits and praise, which is rare in the world of adults. They feel that those around them underestimate them, although in reality everything is completely different. The only way out is to find a person who will love, understand, take care.
Those who did not receive full emotional closeness from their relatives in childhood overestimate the significance of the relationship between a man and a woman. They pin their hopes that the partner will literally replace the whole world with them and become at the same time a mom, a dad, a friend, and a lover. But this happens very rarely. A partner while still trying to maintain a certain personal freedom. Disappointment and misunderstanding lead to a rupture.
- Low self-esteem.
The recipe for unhappy love in this case is simple. A person with low self-esteem willingly assumes the usual role of a victim of circumstances. Even if he is on good terms, he will find a reason to spoil them. Pathological jealousy, suspicion ("He’s with me for money, sex, until he finds a better option," etc.) destroy love. And all because one of the partners underestimates himself so much that he considers himself unworthy of love.
- Transition, adolescence and first love.
The first romantic relationship in most cases ends in separation. Firstly, because the partners have not yet matured psychologically for the very relationship, cannot distinguish love from a more serious feeling, and simply because everything happens for the first time. New feelings, emotions, it seems that it is forever. Parting is seen as the end of the world. Such unhappy love was in the life of each of us.
If a teenager suffers near you because of a failed relationship, do not laugh, do not dismiss his feelings. Remember yourself at that time and just humanly support.
- The feeling of their own inferiority due to an unfulfilled personal life.
There is a moment in the lives of many girls when all the friends are married, they have strong families, children and other concerns. Singles in the company of happy newly wives feel uncomfortable, "not like everyone else." Much less often men also follow this scenario. This is mainly manifested during the middle age crisis. If at this moment family life did not develop, and children of the same age are already growing up, it is difficult not to succumb to despondency. A person in such a situation begins to see the future spouse (-gu) in each new partner and make plans for a joint life. And how painful when this partner suddenly breaks off the relationship.
What can be done if you suffer the fate of just such an unhappy love? Analyze your situation, better with a psychologist. Think about it, would you be worried about the fact that life does not go along the family path, if you were surrounded by carefree "bachelors"? With high probability that you would have fun with them. Someone starts a family, and someone - no. And that's fine!
How to get rid of unhappy love?
Unhappy love - the cause of not only mental suffering. Unrequited feeling can lead to mental disorder and even suicide. If you feel that you no longer control yourself and are in a state of deep depression, contact a psychologist immediately! If this is not possible, the following tips will help you survive unhappy love and improve your condition:
- Switch attention to anything.
Sport, work, hobby - it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that the lesson takes you away completely and takes up all your free time. Take on more responsibilities and responsibility so that your daily activities will swallow you up. Drop thoughts of unrequited love indefinitely. Just tell yourself: "I will deal with this in a month, two or six months, when I’m ready (s)."
- Stop idealizing the one you love.
We are attached not so much to the man himself, as to his image, which created our mind. Without even noticing, those who are sympathetic to us, we endow with all the positive qualities that we admire. Get rid of this delusion. Try to find flaws in your lover, write them down on paper. Find in it something unpleasant, repulsive, any flaw in appearance or character. Understand that this person is no different from others.
- Start taking care of yourself.
Even if you do not want this at all, push yourself. Sauna, massage, yoga, psychologist, healthy sleep and proper nutrition. Acknowledge that you are in a state of moral exhaustion and illness, you need rest and recreation. If possible, get a two-week trip to a sanatorium. Give yourself time to recover.
- "Fight fire with fire".
Go on dates, meet, flirt. Start a new relationship simply to fill the lack of love and support. You may not feel deep feelings for a new partner, but this is not necessary. It is enough to feel light sympathy and so that you can have fun together!
Let yourself be happy
Since childhood, we are all trapped in the wrong settings. Remember how many times you heard: "If you do not wash the dishes, you will not get sweets," "You will behave this way - and I will stop talking to you"? And many of us faced more serious manipulations: “If you get pregnant before marriage, you are not my daughter,” “You will behave badly, and I will take you to an orphanage.”
Such attitudes have contributed to the fact that in the subconscious mind of a modern adult there is a belief that love must be earned. We are all sincerely accustomed to believing that we love for something, in order to get something, you need to give something, etc. The princesses, who necessarily suffer before reuniting with their beloved, Assol from the book “Scarlet Sails” by A. Green and other characters from stories familiar to us from childhood, leave in the subconscious mind that love without suffering does not happen.
In fact, only he is happy who knows how to enjoy life and take only the good from it. Have you been offered a dish called "Unrequited love"? Give up on him and choose the relationship that will bring you joy. Leave suffering for the books! And in real life, win those who allow themselves to be happy and loved!
