Do you think that circumstances interfere with living your life? You are not alone. We are so used to relying on autopilot that we are not trying to take control. How to get rid of the victim syndrome? How to stop living a joyless life? Is it possible to make dreams start to come true? It's time to take the wheel in their hands. Then it is not the circumstances, but you personally will begin to steer your fate.
Who is the master of his life
The master of life is one who is aware of his desires, goals, deep values and lives in accordance with them. He knows: all that he has now is the result of his own choices and decisions, and not of external circumstances. The master of his destiny takes responsibility for his life and is aware of the consequences of his actions.
The master of his life is NOT: not a narcissistic egoist, not a misanthrope, not a misanthrope, not a victim of the genotype, upbringing and place of birth. He lives in a self-created reality, but at the same time he respects other people's desires, knows how to coordinate his actions with others. And when it is inferior in something, it does it of its own accord, and not under duress.
How to become the master of your life
To feel that you are the master of your life is to tune in to the daily work of managing a complex and risky company — your own destiny.
1. Understand that the steering wheel is out
Do not know what you want? Do you often experience bitterness and longing instead of joy? All the failures blame someone else? So the problem still exists. Just sometimes you need to be able to look at yourself. To determine how you own the situation, will help a list of questions.
When describing the events of your life, often use phrases:
- "I must (forced)";
- "I have no choice (exit)";
- "I live for others";
- "It's not my fault";
- "I am not able to change anything";
- "what else can i do"?
Do you constantly violate your plans because other people interfere in life?
Do you consider yourself a victim of circumstances, someone else's intent, a hostage to the situation, origin, environment?
Are you shivering at the thought that in ten years life will remain the same?
If you answer “yes” too often, you really donned the costume of the victim. The victims do not control themselves; they obey others. But in fact, the victim to be profitable: you regret, take care of, indulge. This is not easy to admit. Understand what benefits you get in this situation, you can proceed.
2. Recognize the benefits of being a victim
Many people dream to steer their fate only in words. In fact, they have hundreds of blanks, excuses and scenarios for all occasions, if only this had not happened. Familiar?
- Adult children live with their parents for years, swear, but continue to live like this.
- Slave works for meager wages, suffers claims, but does not quit.
- The wife suffers from drunkenness of her husband, but does not divorce.
- A man plans to open his own business for years, but the economic situation in the country is not improving.
If you ask these people why they endure unpleasant situations (sometimes for decades), everyone will find their own logical explanation. On the one hand, they suffer. On the other hand, it is an advantageous position to justify doing nothing. Shift responsibility for their own lives - the position of the victim. And while there is a benefit - its own, small, foul-smelling, but native swamp, it sucks in and simultaneously protects. The reason - in stability, in relative, but comfort zone.
3. Get out of your comfort zone.
Being in the comfort zone, we suffer, but gradually adapt to unpleasant conditions. Over time, we adapt so much that we no longer want to leave our swamp. On this occasion, I want to say: "the devil is not so bad as he is painted." The consequences of leaving the comfort zone are not so terrible, as we wind ourselves up. Sometimes an act that has been thought out and weighed over the years is accomplished by a meager amount of effort. In the end, ashamed of himself.
Until you start managing your life, others will control it. Yes, you may have to shrink, transfer to public transport, quarrel with someone, experience discomfort, feel misunderstanding or condemnation from others. But when you take the situation into your own hands, you will begin to have a good understanding of your own and someone else’s life, get rid of stress, or learn to cope with them. As a result, bring harmony to an orderly life.
When leaving the zone there is another unpleasant, but important side. This is a permanent work on yourself: setting goals, achievements, falls and disappointments. So, when you begin to act according to your own plan, you will immediately have to part with the illusions about yourself, beloved.
4. To part with illusions
The resistance of relatives is an essential part of your transformation. After all, before that you were such a "comfortable" child, parent, employee, spouse. And now you suddenly begin to rebel. Surrounding it is unlikely to endure. They will persuade, crush, give advice, resent, insist, take tears or disease (often fictional), threaten and do anything, as long as you become the same. You will wait from the position of the victim - never accumulate power.
Salvation of drowning people is the work of drowning people themselves. When we seek the approval of others, we fall into a psychological trap. It seems that we want to change, but we are waiting for permission from others. In the end, we do nothing, but again we find excuses. Without a clear awareness of their own desires and goals to resist such a massive attack is very difficult, but realistic. Especially if you look at it as another test of strength.
Resistance of others - only half the battle. The role of the owner is able to sober up with a slap in the face and the understanding that:
- you earn little, not because education is outdated, a low-money profession, a head tyrant, but because you didn’t lift a finger for it;
- relations do not develop not because “all men are goats”, but “all women are bitches”, but because you subconsciously find manipulative partners and allow this to do with yourself;
- the figure or appearance is far from ideal, not because the bone is wide, genetics such or not money for expensive products, but because you are lousy with your body;
- for others, a car (house, cottage, vacation) is better not because they are fooled by fate, but because they paid their price for the high quality of life;
- the children of friends are smarter, not because they are just clever, but because their parents were engaged in and invested in education.
In order not to turn off the path at the very beginning, it is worth remembering: the idea of taking responsibility for your life is a transitional stage. Try and try again. Gradually, you will feel that you have changed and will get a real prize - living your own, and not someone else’s life.
What is living your life
Living your life means feeling like a little wizard. It is to create your own world, take matters into your own hands, learn to forgive, become more flexible and wise, change yourself, change your life and those around you.
To get a better understanding of how your internal changes will change your life, remember the device of the projector. You insert a vague picture in front of a light bulb, and on the wall you see a large full image. So it will happen in your life - one inner change will make the picture of life multi-colored and convex, full of details that you have not even thought about.
Not so easy to feel the master of life. It takes years for one person, for others the process goes faster. The main thing is your desire and determination to walk this path consciously and drop all doubts and fears. But you will find an amazing feeling of delight when you take control in your hands and begin to simply live your life.
