Self-confidence - not innate quality. It arises or does not arise for a variety of reasons.
We are very dependent on this property. And many are dissatisfied with themselves in this sense, they want to change something in themselves, to become more confident.
What is it: auto-training for self-confidence? What you need to work And How?
What is "auto-training"?
“Auto-training” in psychology is called any self-altering actions.
It can be changes in the mode of the day, lifestyle, worldview, behavior, self-understanding, relationships with people, the type and method of activity.
Such broad meaning this term.
In the narrow sense of "auto-training" - special events developed by professional psychologists, but conducted by the client, designed to help the client to achieve self-change.
Suppose there is a man, let's call him Peter. is he displeased with himself, considers himself not confident enough.
After talking with a psychologist, he concludes that not doing his job (he is an office clerk), he lacks communication (there is only business acquaintance), his lifestyle is wrong (he moves a little, rarely happens in the fresh air).
Meanwhile, Peter proud of. To become more confident, he needs to achieve something in some difficult matter. On the advice of a psychologist, he decides to go in for tourism, changes jobs.
He has friends among other tourists, informal communication. He trains a lot, goes hiking. As a result his confidence is growing. This is auto-training in the broad sense of the word.
If the psychologist recommends Peter the system of exercises for relaxation, advises using certain formulas of self-suggestion, as well as working on self-understanding and accepting oneself as he is, and Peter has been doing this for a while - This is auto-training in the narrow sense.
The concept of "self-confidence"
Confident man quick-witted.
If someone criticizes him, even accuses him of something, he is quite rational about such information. If there is some truth in it, I am ready to admit it.
This is due to the fact that such a person internally stable. His opinion of himself, his subconscious perception of himself (more important than our conscious beliefs) are definitely positive.
Imagine a huge granite stone weighing several tons. AND soap bubble, started up by a child playing next to a stone. It is enough to blow on the soap bubble, and it will crumble. Even the excavator will not move a granite stone.
The inner world of a self-confident person can be compared with this stone. His self-image is almost impossible to shake.
But the inner world of the one who is not sure of himself resembles a soap bubble. Therefore, such a person is afraid of any criticism, very hurt and touchy.
In a situation where he is engaged in some kind of activity and something does not work, he is unsure of himself who is unsure of himself, lost, discouraged, does not finish the job. He is prone to blame anyone for his failures, but not himself.
On the contrary, self-confident failures, though sad, but not forced to retreat, even provoke. He is even more interesting when something is difficult to give. He is not afraid of failures, willingly admits his mistakes; as a rule, he sees in them the cause of all problems.
Self-confidence is the quality of a person whose essence is in a positive perception of oneself, both on a conscious and on a subconscious (emotional) level.
A confident person considers himself strong enough, worthy, moral, intelligent. therefore difficulties, problems do not confuse him.
Technique to raise self-esteem in 5 minutes:
Why are we confident or not confident?
Self-confidence is a quality defined by the so-called "I am a concept".
I-concept is our (often unconscious) idea of to what extent are we the way we are, we correspond to our own idea of the ideal of man.
Opinion about themselves real psychologists call "I-real." And about the ideal of man - “I am ideal.”
The more precisely the correspondence between our real-I and the ideal-I, the closer the first to the second, the more confident we are. And vice versa: with a sharp contrast between I-ideal and I-real, a person is always not confident in himself.
It is easier to understand with a concrete example. Suppose a young man, Ilya, turned to a psychologist. He is the son of a famous actress, grew up without a father. Myself no talent is different.
He tried to do business, but went bankrupt, because he constantly and unjustifiably risked. He got a job as an administrator at a company, but a month later he had a fight with one of the clerks, inflicting serious damage to him (breaking his nose).
Ilya physically strong but poorly mastered young man. It should touch him a little, he flashes and at the same time he cannot control himself. He had a girlfriend, but they broke up. He has been alone for a long time. Started drinking.
During a conversation with a psychologist, it turns out that Ilya is on a subconscious level makes extremely high demands. He should always do everything in the best possible way, achieve the highest results. This is due to the influence of mom. She is a celebrity.
Because for a child the ideal of a man is his dad or mom (for a girl - mom, for a boy - dad, but if dad isn't, then for a boy is also mom), then I-Elijah's ideal includes the need to achieve a lot, have high social status, be a famous, illustrious person.
But he himself, before turning to a specialist, was not aware of this. It is clear that he is unable to meet such an ideal self, a man without obvious talents. Because of the inconsistency of I-real and I-ideal and self-doubt has arisen.
When, thanks to conversations with a psychologist, Ilya corrected his I-ideal, the contrast between I-real and I-ideal smoothed out. He again went into business and this time succeeded. Then got married. His self-confidence has grown significantly.
I-concept is every person. But not everyone is fully aware of it. I-real can also be partially unaware.
For example, a cowardly and characterless person may consider himself bold and resolute, although his behavior suggests that this is not the case. I'm perfect not realized even more often, because it is formed in early childhood, usually - under the influence of parents.
How to increase self-esteem? Psychologist tips:
How to increase self-esteem?
A young man, a student, turned to a psychologist. His name is Valery.
He studies in a prestigious university. Very nervous because of each exam, does not sleep well, gets tired.
When he needs to give talks at seminars, forced to take a sedative because it fears failure. He considers himself a little capable person, although he almost got a gold medal at school.
It turned out that the school that Valery graduated from was also elite. The load on the students there is huge. He worked from morning till night. But never loved to learn.
His work turned out to be his favorite work with wood. There is a small lathe in his room, on which he himself learned to work. He threw out all the old furniture, he made himself chairs, a table, a bookcase.
Valery decided to temporarily leave school. He went to work at a furniture factory. In 2-3 months his perception of himself began to change. He calmed down. The work went great, it was highly appreciated at the factory.
We see that confidence or insecurity depend on the choice of activities. If we are busy doing things we love, our self-confidence grows. If we are constantly busy with what we do not like, it decreases. This is a natural psychological process.
If a person does not take his place in life, his self-perception cannot be changed in any artificial way. It will be low.
Another psychologist client is Lera. She worked in a commercial firm. Respect and authority from my colleagues did not use.
Lera is not distinguished by any particular energy, or persistence, or practicality; her so-called “business skills” are poorly developed. Communication with colleagues was purely businesslike, and Leroux was little appreciated. As a result and she began to value herself rather low.
However, on the advice of a psychologist, she found another job, without changing the type of activity.
Here, colleagues often gathered together, went to the cinema or theater, often remained after work to chat.
Lera is a thin, intelligent, interesting woman in communication, kind and sincere. And here her status was higher, everyone appreciated her.
We all, in one way or another, depend on the opinions of those around us. The choice of social circle is of great importance.
If the strengths (which everyone has) of a person are not appreciated by others, and they notice only his weaknesses, his self-confidence will decrease. On the contrary, communicating mainly with those who appreciate our best qualities, we strengthen self-confidence.
Another psychologist client, Valentina, considered herself a weak person. Every time she faced some kind of problem, she found it difficult to make a decision, hesitated for a long time, was tormented by doubts, was afraid to err.
At the same time, her I-ideal includes such qualities as decisiveness, willpower, because her mother was a strong-willed person. As a result of conversations with a psychologist, Valentina realized that she was assessing herself incorrectly. It is not spineless, but psychologically subtle and especially sensitive.
Any situation of choice, therefore, involuntarily makes her reflex, reflect, since it is important for her to understand her motives. but it does not mean weakness at all. Having changed her opinion about herself (about her real self), Valentina managed to strengthen her self-confidence, it became easier for her to make decisions.
So, self-confidence also depends on how correctly we understand ourselves.
In this way, to build confidence, need to:
Choose the right activity: she must like and match the abilities and vocation of the person so that he can achieve success in it.- Choose the right social circle: communicate mainly with those who see and appreciate our best qualities.
- Understand themselves: understand your strengths and weaknesses, objectively assess your capabilities.
Choose the right activity: she must like and match the abilities and vocation of the person so that he can achieve success in it.Self-confidence also depends on emotional well-being (on whether we have loved ones, loved ones), level of professionalism (good professionals are always self-confident, and vice versa).
Partly self-confidence may depend on the society in which we live: it is known that the so-called. "Totalitarian" or "authoritarian" societies provoke the emergence of a large number of insecure, even notorious, people, as they are easier to manage.
If you ignore these fundamental reasons for self-confidence or self-doubt, no auto-training (in the narrow sense: that is, special exercises for relaxation, self-hypnosis) will not help.
Affirmations for self-affirmation and self-esteem. "I am beautiful in everything":
Suggestion formulas
Autotraining (in the narrow sense) is special exercisesdeveloped by a specialist just for you.
But you do them yourself. You can, of course, do not contact a specialist.
But this is the same as self-healing in case of a serious illness. It is doubtful that you will achieve the result. Formulas of self-hypnosis make you together with a psychologist.
At the same time adhere to the following rules:
- they are simple, short, clear;
- verbs are used only in the present tense;
- assumptions, doubts, self-criticism are not allowed;
- negative ratings are not allowed;
- outright lies in which it is impossible to believe.
You can write these formulas on paper, in a clear, beautiful font, and just look at them.
How and where to perform?
How to listen to auto-training? During autotraining nothing should be distracting.
Inspiring yourself something, try to remember some real moment in your life, confirming a positive opinion about yourself. Do not try to engage in self-deception.
Pose, environment during an auto-training session should be as comfortable as possible for you. For example, some like to do it in the dark or in the twilight. Someone prefers to include quiet music.
Self-suggestion is not directed to the consciousness, but to the subconscious. Therefore, the words themselves do not act on their own, but your emotional attitude towards them.
If the session gave you pleasure, you feel calmer, better after it, then this method suits you.
Nevertheless, it must be remembered that self-confidence is one of the core personal qualities. Change it only with special exercises is impossible.
If we are dissatisfied with ourselves, there is a lot to change: lifestyle, communication and relationships with people, perception of oneself, self-understanding, and possibly a type of activity. If self-doubt is provoked by society, it is worth moving to another country.
This is a very important quality, showing how successful we are as people, what we have actually achieved in life. Exactly these real achievements and should strive.
