I hate my mother: the causes of strained relationships and ways to strengthen family ties

There is a stereotype that the relationship between mother and child can be extremely trusting, tender. In fact, the feelings of the parent and her child are directly dependent on how close the family members have been throughout their lives. On how much their views and aspirations coincide.

So what to do if I hate my mother, and can this negative feeling be defeated in any way?

Causes of the strained relationship of mother and child

Hatred of the mother never appears just like that, because we are talking about the relationship of the people closest to each other. What reasons usually stimulate this problem?

The difference of views on life, which gives rise to conflicts.
A huge number of restrictions on the part of the mother, which impose sad thoughts on the child.
The lack of frequent communication, which affects the gradual separation of the woman and her child.
Often, such a psychological problem is born against the background of a parent’s abnormal behavior. If she is aggressive, has a whole bunch of bad habits, then negativity from children is unlikely to be avoided.
The emergence of hatred can be associated with negative feelings on both sides. Envy, jealousy - all this gives rise to constant conflicts with the future.
Hatred of the mother may be due to the lack of approval in certain issues.

There can be a lot of reasons. Psychologists emphasize that such a negative feeling can not appear in one day. Usually it has been fueled for years from family conflicts, frequent quarrels between parents and children.

If a mother rarely treats a baby from childhood, is not interested in his success, but at the same time imposes permanent restrictions, hatred is bound to arise.

In adulthood, many parents begin to conflict with children because of the elementary non-coincidence of their views on their lives. Perhaps, mother saw the daughter the great doctor, and she chose a creative profession. Or the son suddenly fell in love with a woman who is much older than him, and refuses to listen to his mother. The discrepancy between the plans of the parents and the actions of their mature children very often gives rise to quarrels and conflicts.

What if an adult daughter hates a mother, difficult to say. Usually, psychologists advise first to get to the bottom of the cause of the incident, and only then take up the destruction of the conflict. It is impossible to give definite advice on the resolution of such a conflict, since everything depends entirely on the situation.

How to deal with the problem

What if I hate my mother a lot - this is a problem that many people face. Often we are talking about an elementary teenage rebellion, when the child seems that no one around him does not understand.

However, if over time, the negative only grows stronger, and the person himself is experiencing heartache in this regard, you have to find ways to resolve the conflict.

Here are just a few ways to help overcome the hatred:

you need to talk with your mother, try to solve a conflict situation together;
every time when a person is hateful, he should remember the positive moments of communication with the parent;
you can organize a joint vacation or come up with a common leisure, which will help the mother and child to communicate more often;
If the conflict arises due to constant criticism of the mother, her endless advice, you should try to listen to them. Perhaps the parent advises something really useful;
It is recommended to ask mother’s advice more often, to share your fears and doubts with her, as this will directly affect spiritual intimacy.

The first and, perhaps, the most important advice that can be given in such a situation is not to forget about communication. Often, because of negative feelings, people simply stop seeing each other, lose contact, and eventually become strangers to each other. If this happens, hatred only grows and grows stronger.

It should at least sometimes listen to maternal criticism. Why does she speak this way and not otherwise? What is the reason for her constant discontent? Perhaps the parent is simply trying to make the life of her child better, but he himself perceives any help with bayonets.

What to do: I hate mother, and she does not love me? Often this question arises because of the negative from both sides. May be. Is it not only the parent who is to blame for the conflict? What if the child himself sometimes behaves in such a way that causes only negative emotions? If a person tries to rationally look at himself, his life and the source of conflict, he will definitely find a way to resolve it.

Psychologist tips

Often people can not find a way out of a difficult situation, and therefore turn to a psychologist. The answer of the expert to the question what to do is always unequivocal: you need to talk. Plan a joint vacation with your mother, or enter into the habit of weekly shopping. If relatives had hardly ever communicated before, it would be difficult for them at first. But then from the contact with the mother you can get real pleasure.

What other tips give psychologists in such a difficult situation?

No need to break into a cry during quarrels and conflicts. Shouting and annoyed, man will never achieve anything.
You should not blame mom for everything, because in most cases both parties are to blame for the conflict.
It is not recommended to set others around against a parent, as this will generate a new round of conflict.
Psychologists are advised to often decide on tactile contact. One hug or a kiss can sometimes eliminate many years of enmity.
Both sides need to learn to forgive and apologize for their mistakes.

Often a psychologist has to hear the following: "I hate a mother and cannot communicate with her." However, it is the absence of verbal and tactile contact that causes another conflict in the family. It is necessary to last try to establish relations with the parent, because you will no longer have another mother.

There are cases when the negative feelings of children are fully justified. If the parent is addicted to bad habits, is prone to violence or is indifferent to her child, it is difficult to put up with it. However, remember that with anger you only blacken your heart.

Consequences of conflicts between the child and the mother

Family psychologists do not tire of repeating how important the relationship of the mother and her offspring. A person’s self-confidence, his future success in his personal life often depends on the level of house heat. What is fraught with the emergence of such hatred?

It is sometimes difficult for a child to find a common language with his own children.
Due to the lack of maternal support and its eternal criticism, unnecessary complexes wake up in a person.
Often, conflicts with the mother translate into the fact that the child is in principle incapable of loving and building relationships.
Conflicts in the family often become a stimulus for increased aggressiveness in life.
Due to strained relationships with the closest and dearest person, the child may develop bad habits in the future.

Psychologists have repeatedly managed to establish that a person’s problems often come from a family. Inability to build long-term relationships, conflicts with their own children, career failures - all this creates enmity with the mother.

Moreover, the person himself may not think about how his complexes are connected with this hostility. That is why it is so important sometimes to talk with a specialist, to explain how and when complexes arose.

Of course, to resolve a long-term conflict with a parent in one evening under a cup of tea is simply impossible. This is a long process, implying a constant struggle with your own internal demons. Moreover, the initiative should come from both sides. Both mother and her child should be aware of how important this relationship is for them to make concessions.

Over time, the situation should normalize. However, if relatives continue to complex, the situation should be studied in more detail. Perhaps the aggressiveness of the mother has long roots and is associated with her personal problems in her childhood, with the offenses once hidden in the depths of her heart.

One way or another, it is impossible to leave the situation unresolved. Mother and child should always communicate, because such a warm, mental and physical nothing in the world can not replace. Listen to the advice of your mother, try to forget about the long-standing hostility and the conflict will resolve itself.

Elena, Astrakhan