Most responsible parents dream, for their children to grow up healthy physically and mentally, were able to achieve success in life, were smart, persistent and felt happy, and do everything they can for that.
To understand how to properly educate a boy, it is important to familiarize yourself with the basic recommendations of psychologists and educators.
Psychology
In every culture There have always been representations about what should be men and what - women.
Therefore boys and girls traditionally raised differently: girls were told that it was important for them to be gentle, obedient, able to perform household duties and take care of children; boys got installations that require them to be strong, bold, stubborn, physically developed.
These traditions are strong in our time, especially in conservative countries.
However, most developed European countries are gradually abandoning the idea that boys and girls need to be raised differently, and the leading psychologists criticize gender educationbecause it hampers the harmonious development of the personality, strengthens stereotypes, increases the likelihood of developing mental illness.
For example, a ban on tears and emotions in generalwhich is often invested in boys' heads from an early age, leads to the fact that it becomes much more difficult for men to cope with stress, to understand their own and other people's experiences, their emotional intelligence remains extremely underdeveloped.
This increases the likelihood of developing depression, neurosis, cardiovascular diseases, complicates the interaction with society.
The suppression of emotions is an extremely serious problem, and psychologists and psychotherapists regularly encounter its consequences.
There are theories that reduced life expectancy for men partly due to the peculiarities of their education.
Modern society asks about the same from both women and men: to be good workers, to be able to cope with stress and prioritize, to be smart, creative, hardworking.
Being strong, stubborn and courageous is useful not only for boys, but also for girls. Being flexible, understanding, empathetic is important not only for girls, but also for boys.
How to raise a boy?
0-2 years
At this age, boys extremely need the support of parents and feel great affection for whoever is with them most often.
Usually this person is the mother, since the care of small children is traditionally assigned to mothers.
And it is important for mothers to create in the child a feeling that he is protected and loved. It is in such conditions that full and harmonious development is possible.
From the age of birth to three years children develop extremely rapidlytherefore it is important to provide them with the opportunity to improve their skills and provide emotional support.
Key recommendations:
- Explain to your son why you prohibit certain things as accessible as you can. (mainly concerns children older than a year, however, even smaller ones should be explained). It may seem like a pointless undertaking, because it is too small to understand the explanations. But after several repetitions, the likelihood that the child will not consciously do what was forbidden to him, increases.
It is useful to show pictures, play a scene, show a cartoon, read a fairy tale associated with various prohibitions and rules. Categorical restrictions, unwarranted, children do not perceive well.
- Give up any form of violence. Any violence - both mental and physical - affects the psyche destructively, retards development. Even simple "educational" slaps have a negative impact: a large-scale American study showed that children who were regularly spanked were more asocial, more often showed aggression and refused to listen to adults, learned more slowly. At the same time, the positive sides of the “spank” were not revealed.
- Make sure that he grows up in a calm, friendly atmosphere. The screams and scandals in the house negatively affect the child's psycho-emotional well-being, he loses his sense of security, worries more, gets sick more often, develops worse.
- Gradually provide opportunities for self-reliance. It is difficult to demand anything from boys at that age, but at the same time, some of the skills may be well developed by the majority of children by the age of two: for example, hand washing. It is useful to give your child more opportunities to do something on his own or with minimal help: in the future this will have a positive effect on his development and self-confidence.
These recommendations relevant for the education of older children.
3-5 years
Between two and four years most children have a crisis, which is called a three-year crisis.
He is associated with their pursuit. show yourself, prove that their opinion should be consideredthat they can do something on their own.
In this case, the desires and possibilities of children enter into a kind of conflict. Therefore, a previously polite and problem-free boy may begin to behave quite differently: throwing tantrums, refusing to eat, sleep and put on his usual clothes, demand something that is contrary to common sense (for example, he may want to go to kindergarten in the winter in spring pants).
To convince a child in crisis - extremely difficult task.
The most important thing in this period - not to suppress the boy, not to resort to radical methods and violence, since this will have an extremely negative impact on the further development of the personality. It is important to seek compromises, talk, show your own love and willingness to accept.
For every strange requirement, you can find an optimal compromise: for example, to allow him to go to kindergarten in a light jacket, but on condition that he puts on a pair of warm sweaters under her.
Sometimes you can simply allow him to do what he wants him to draw conclusions from his own experience (if this does not pose a serious threat to his health, of course).
Key recommendations:
- Avoid demanding complete emotional control from the boy. He cannot fully control them physically, since his nervous system is not sufficiently developed, the processes of arousal and inhibition do not work in the same way as in adults. People begin to control emotions well enough after adolescence. Explain to him the rules of conduct, but do not go too far.
- Use the time-out method if the child has put on a tantrum and cannot be reassured. For example, you can leave the room in which he screams in order to deprive him of the public and give him time to comprehend something. According to Komarovsky, in the realities of the Russian and Ukrainian society, a time-out can be called a punishment in which the child is put into a corner. This is a good method, but it is important to clearly identify to the child the reasons why he will stand in the corner and not keep him there for too long. How many years a child, so many minutes it is enough for him to stand.
- Do not give your son too much load and leave enough time for games and rest. The game is the main activity of children of preschool age, during which they learn about the world, learn its rules, and improve their skills. At the same time, many modern parents, trying to develop a child as best as possible, write him into a mass of circles and sections, hire tutors, leaving no free time. As a result, a young child is constantly experiencing excessive mental and physical stress, feeling stress. Because of this, his psyche suffers and the immune system weakens.
Important more actively encourage self-reliance at this age, it is often possible to perform everyday tasks without any help or with minimal support.
It is also helpful to give the boy some feasible tasks that he will perform regularly: for example, watering flowers, feeding fish in a home aquarium, washing dishes behind you (well, if it is unbreakable). This will teach him to be responsible.
You can come up with a reward system, for example, in the form of money, which he can either postpone or spend on something inexpensive.
When boy will understand the essence of money, it will be easier for him to explain why mom and dad cannot buy a wonderful meter transformer robot right now and what he can do to get it.
7-10 years
At this age, boys are already learning to better control their behavior, but this is still worse for them than for those who are older. At about six to seven years old, when the child goes to school, the time will come for a new age crisisclosely related to the process of the formation of "I."
Going to school also greatly influences this process, since from a boy of school age will require much morethan from a preschooler, and what was significant in kindergarten, in the first grade will be much less valuable.
The crisis is also due to the fact that the child moves from the games, which were the way to know the world all his life, to other activities.
Seven-ten-year-old boy steady interests begin to appear, he often puts priority on communication and hobbies.
It is important to give him more freedom than before, and at the same time maintain in him the feeling that at home, with his parents, safely and calmly, that he can trust.
Top Recommendations:
- Do not suppress the opinion of his son, and argue your own so that he thinks. A child at this age is useless to give empty bans and unsupported attitudes: he already has an opinion about many things and events. If you want your son to listen to you, give him an argument, preferably one that it will be difficult for him to refute. You can, for example, go with him to the Internet and read an article on a topic (for example, one where it tells in detail about why you need to brush your teeth if he protests).
- Praise more often. The importance of rewards is often underestimated, especially if parents are demanding. Remember that each child’s outcome was associated with some effort, probably more significant than for an adult. He deserves praise.
- Help him adapt. Ask about what is happening in school, praise, do not impose an exorbitant responsibility, especially in the first year of study, do not scold for bad grades. Better help him understand school material to learn better. Talk to the class teacher from time to time.
- Encourage his interest in various areas of knowledge. Sincere curiosity and craving for knowledge is a huge layer of motivation that can help the boy to seriously advance in areas that are important to him.
Even if it seems strange to you, do not devalue his efforts, but support him: conduct confidential conversations, buy books, look for educational materials. Any hobby can end up being something big.
Also try not to give him an unbearable load: circles and sections are good, but it is important that the child has enough free time.
Features of sex education
To form in a child traits that are traditionally associated with masculine, It is important not to limit it: if he wants to climb trees, let him.
Basic tips on gender education:
- Tell me about the benefits of physical activity when he is old enough. Sport is useful for both boys and girls. Give him the opportunity to train, but try not to be upset if he does not take advantage of it: children do not always do what their parents want, this is inevitable. They are not plasticine with which you can do anything, but personalities.
- Encourage his desire to express your opinion. If he constantly faces aggression and suppression, he will not become strong and confident. Even if you do not agree with his opinion, try to conduct a correct and interesting discussion, give arguments and let him understand that your opinion does not threaten him.
- Give him the opportunity to develop in areas that are important to him. Provide him with information so that he has an idea about many things and can choose something. Buy books and support his interest in reading, lead conversations, give positive examples.
At the same time, bringing up a boy, you should not demand him to suppress emotions and form the feeling that there are good and bad feelings and that good boys do not have bad feelings and certainly do not cry. it will negatively affect his emotional intelligence and make it more miserable.
Also avoid the expressions “crying like a girl”, “only girls do this (play with dolls, kitchen and anything else)”.
This, firstly, will form the feeling that things can be divided into men's and women's, and that it’s bad to be engaged in “women’s” by definition. And secondly, it gives the impression that girls are worse than boys, and reinforce absurd stereotypes.
"Women's" affairs are usually associated with the household side of life. But is it really that bad if a man is able to take care of himself, prepare food, monitor the cleanliness of the apartment, change the diaper to his little child?
Rather it will help him in life. Probably even more than information about matrix operations.
What can lead female education?
In Russian society there is a strong belief that the child certainly needs a father, and the mother allegedly alone will not be able to raise a worthy member of society, especially if she has a son, not a daughter.
But it is difficult to consider it weighty, since about a third of families with children are single mothers.
And in general, for many centuries, children, especially small, brought up mostly by women.
Finding a man who will spend no less time on his son than his mother is an extremely difficult task, and this is largely due to gender stereotypes that claim that taking care of children is a woman’s business.
A man is enough to give the child two or three hours on weekends - and now he is a good father. However, this will still not be enough for his son, and his father’s role will look rather vague to him.
Also, not all families are truly safe and comfortable place for children. And comfort and safety for the development of the child is more important than having a father. According to underestimated statistics, at least in a quarter of Russian complete families there is a place for violence.
Mothers are able to adequately raise their children, if they are familiar with the principles of upbringing, understand what needs to be done and what is not needed, keep a competent balance between over-care and detachment, give the child enough opportunities to express themselves.
Good, caring father - This is really important for any child. But many women, when confronted with an abuzer, remain with him largely because of the illusory “The Son Needs a Father”, they suffer violence, and the child is also often subjected to it. It is important to cut off such installations: no father is better than such.
The role of the father can play other close menFriendly boy: grandfather, uncle, family friend. It is good if the child has the opportunity to communicate closely not only with women: this will help him create a more accurate picture of the world in his perception.
The main problem of single mothers - This is the desire to overprotect children, which can seriously harm them. Often the reason for this are depression, psychotrauma.
The child for the mother becomes the most important thing in life, because everything else is too pointless and painful. Therefore, it is important for mothers to be able to recognize signs of depression and seek help on time.
Psychology tips
Answers to common questions:
- How to raise a boy a real man? If he has a male gender on his birth certificate, then do not worry. In any case, he will be a real man, nothing can be done about it without medical intervention. Clearly define for yourself what qualities you want to cultivate, and work in this direction, while avoiding violence, bans on emotions and other extremely traumatic methods.
- How to raise a boy without a father? Study modern pedagogy, find for yourself a harmonious style of education and try to cut off the thought that you will not succeed in raising a worthy member of society if you are a woman without a man. Also try to keep track of your mental health: depressed, tormented mothers are much more difficult to raise their children properly, in the end it will be either going to hyper care, or being detached.
Не нужно принижать мужской пол, насмехаться над отцом ребенка в его присутствии, особенно если сын знаком с ним лично и испытывает теплые чувства.
Если кто-то из ваших близких мужчин, которым Вы доверяете, положительно относится к идее общаться с сыном, позвольте им это.
- Как воспитывать непослушного мальчика? Под непослушанием может многое подразумеваться. Агрессия, неадекватное поведение может быть следствием психических проблем, и тогда есть смысл показать мальчика детскому психологу. Также резкие изменения в поведении в негативную сторону могут свидетельствовать о начале возрастного кризиса. Чаще используйте метод тайм-аута, беседуйте с ребенком, консультируйтесь с педагогами и психологами, избегайте насилия.
- Как воспитать мальчика смелым? Приводите примеры смелых людей, рассказывайте об их опыте в положительном и доступном ключе, поощряйте смелость мальчика. Важно и самим демонстрировать храбрость (по крайней мере в присутствии ребенка), если подвернется возможность. Поддерживайте его уверенность в собственных силах, не подавляйте, не используйте насилие.
Полезно разыгрывать с ним сценки, показывать фильмы, мультфильмы, давать книги, где демонстрируется смелость и сила.
Вкладываясь в сына или дочь, не забывайте о своих потребностях: если родители находятся в состоянии хронического стресса, депрессивны, невротичны, им будет намного сложнее выполнять свои родительские обязанности корректно.
Как правильно воспитывать мальчиков? Разговор с психологом:
