If you have already taken this important step and become young parents, then at some point the question arises: to give birth to more children?
Of course here no universal answer and everything is very individual. But we will try to consider various aspects of this issue.
Should I have a second child?
Do I have to give birth to another child and why?
There are a lot of arguments for and against the question on this question.
Your task consider and weigh them adequately.
Remember that this is a serious matter and you should definitely not solve it impulsively.
When should I have a second child?
- Your health is in order. This applies to both mom and dad. If there are no problems with the state of the reproductive system, or in general, it is worth a try.
- Both parents are ready for the second child. Both of you have already felt all the charms and hardships in raising your first child, and you have something to rely on when making this decision.
- You have a stable financial situation. There is own living space, there are no debts and there are reliable sources of income. In addition, you are sure that your funds will be enough to raise a second child and you will not feel that you are “squeezing”.
You can fully ensure that both children and themselves do not hurt.
- You are not afraid of giving birth again. You are calm about the idea of bringing out and having a baby again, spend sleepless nights near him.
- Your family has a healthy relationship.. You do not feel indifference from a partner, you feel support in raising a child and are completely confident in him. You have a warm and trusting relationship.
In what cases is not worth it?
In some cases, the second child is not worth giving birth?
- You have health problems. If there are serious diseases or doctors say that the mother simply cannot bear the second fetus, then it is worth refusing this idea. First of all, it is worthwhile to take care of your health, and only then think about replenishing.
- One of the parents does not want. He may have quite adequate reasons and arguments. Therefore, do not put pressure on a person, persuade and manipulate. Consider whether a child will be happy in a family where one of the parents did not want his appearance and was not ready? Therefore, talk with your partner, get his opinion on this matter.
- You are not good enough financial position. Too small salary, a lot of debts and loans, not a closed mortgage - all this is a strong enough argument not to give birth. In addition, it is worth considering if you rent an apartment or your own living space is too small.
In the first case, there is always a risk that you will have to look for another place to live (and a sudden move with two children is not the most fun activity). In the second case, it is worth thinking that all family members should be comfortable in their home - after all, everyone wants personal space.
- You have not moved away from the first child. You remember with horror the process of pregnancy and childbirth, shudder at the thought of sleepless nights, piercing weeping and diapers. You already have experience on which to base yourself, and you are not at all ready to repeat it - and this is quite normal.
- You feel an acute lack of time for yourself. You have not rested for a long time, did not go anywhere, did not relax. And with the second child, the time for yourself will be even more difficult. In the end, this can lead to nerves and breakdowns - do you really want it?
- You have family relationships. The child constantly bullies and annoys you. With a partner relationship is cold, there is no confidence in him. Perhaps you even feel that he is ready to leave. Will a second child help here? Definitely not. First, sort out your relationship, create a healthy climate in the family, and then just think about replenishing.
And remember that when making such an important decision, all these points and arguments should be discussed together, discussing your fears and concerns.
When to do it?
When is it better to have a second child? Let's consider all possible options:
- The weather. This is the most difficult situation, because here the firstborn requires a lot of attention, and then the second. You just do not have enough strength or time. And it is not that for himself or her husband, but simply for giving enough care to both children (including while the second child is in the womb). To give birth to a second child is so early only if you have the opportunity to ask someone for help, such as a grandmother, or hire a nanny.
- 2-3 year difference. The situation is a little better, but the first child still needs a lot of attention. At the same time, he may begin to be jealous of his parents for his brother or sister, and this is also a problem that needs to be resolved. And, most likely, you still need outside help.
- 4-5 years difference. The older baby is already quite independent and may even help a little in caring for the second child. At the same time, the difference between the children is not so big, and in the future they will be able to actively spend time together without experiencing communication problems. Such a difference can be called the most optimal.
- The difference is more than 5 years. It has its advantages, because you already have an adult assistant who will help you and will be babysitting with the second baby.
But because of the decent age difference between the children, there will not be that connection when “do not spill water”. This is of course not necessary, but also worth considering.
If the first is still quite small
To give birth to a second child with a small first? In principle, we have already answered this question: not worth. You will not be able to give both enough attention and time, not to mention yourself and your partner. So think carefully, maybe you should wait a couple of years?
On the other hand, if you have support in the form of grandmothers, or you can afford to hire a nanny, you can take this step, especially got pregnant unplanned.
But if there is opportunity to wait - use it. So it will be better for you, and for the family, and for the future baby.
If the spouse asks
The husband asks for a second child, but I do not want: what to do? The only thing that will help you in this case - constructive dialogue. Open confidential communication is generally a guarantee of mutual understanding. So just sit down and talk to your husband.
And we will give you a couple of tips:
- Be prepared for the fact that the conversation will be long and not always pleasant. The issue of replenishment in the family is generally quite complicated and requires understanding from both sides. You may need a lot of strength to hear your partner.
- Try clearly and clearly state the reason. The husband must understand why you do not want a second child.
- Explain that you don’t want the second baby at all or it’s just a matter of time. Perhaps the husband will calm down the second option, and he agree to wait.
If you do not want more children - this must also be said. Be honest with your partner, do not give him false hopes.
- Tell each other how do you see the future together. Perhaps you can come to a compromise.
- Do not translate the conversation to swearing, don't get personal. Otherwise you will not come to anything. Less succumb to your emotions, try to be reasonable, bring more arguments.
- Be convincing but also listen to the opinion of the partner. Remember that your task is to come to a common decision that suits both. But it is not at all to persuade a partner by any means or force him to take his side.
And one moment. You have every right Do not want a second child in the near future or at all. Do not be afraid to say this out loud.
No need to make concessions and give birth if only the husband is gone. Think what it feels like live with an unwanted child? How does this affect you and your family as a whole? Should I make such sacrifices?
If there is no husband
To give birth to a second child without a husband? To have a second child without a husband - the decision is quite complicated. And it must be thought out.
Only a woman who is ready for big responsibility and earns money can go to such a step.
Remember that before giving birth, you must be 100% surethat you can raise and provide the baby with everything you need.
In addition, you must have support from (for example, your parents) or the ability to hire a nanny.
And think again, can you pay attention to both children? You enough time, money and effort?
How to decide on a third baby?
From the new husband
So, you already have two children from your first marriage. And here you are married again.
Of course, a new husband may want you to have common children. How to decide on this step?
First, you need to think, do you want to give birth again? Want to engage in education? And most importantly, can you really do this? It is necessary to make sure that you do not have medical contraindications.
Secondly, you need to talk with a partner. Discuss together your desire or unwillingnessyour fears fears your financial situation. All this is very important.
Of course, you already have a lot of experience in raising children, but you still need to weigh all the possible pros and cons.
No man
Has become pregnant by the third child: to give birth or not? To give birth and raise a child can be without a husband. But think, are you ready for this?
It just seems easy. But in fact, you will need to pay attention to three children at once, trying not to deprive anyone.
Also, analyze can you pull a third child financially? This is a lot of money. And without a husband you will need to provide all the children completely by yourself. You should not hope for alimony from the biological father.
It is important to think of everything so that the child does not become a burden.
Yes, and so you didn't feel like being driven by a horse trying to do everything at once.
Children need a rested, healthy and happy mom.
But if you are confident and you have all the possibilities, and most importantly - the desire, then give birth safely. Nowadays, husband is not a required component. for raising children.
Without money
In this case, the answer is unequivocal: no. Children - it is a big financial cost. Diapers, diapers, clothes, books, toys, textbooks - all this translates into a large amount of money.
No need to hope for a hypothetical child support from the biological father of the child. It is even more stupid to pin hopes on "God gave the child and he will give it to him too."
Try to reason reasonably and adequately.: Can you give all your children everything they need? Or do you want children to be malnourished, to be treated with cheap medications, to go in old worn clothes?
Surely not. Then maybe you should first take up your career? And only after that give birth to the third, but at least the fourth and fifth.
Maternity is certainly happiness. But it is also a huge responsibility.
It is necessary to give birth only if we are sure that we are fully ready to take it upon ourselves.
Both the first and second, and the third and subsequent children must necessarily be welcome.
And both partners. But desire alone is not enough if you have a difficult financial situation or health problems. It is important that the decision on replenishment was deliberate.
The third child in the family. Pros and cons:
