It seems that your interlocutor from another planet? Want to know a new friend better? Or maybe they no longer understand an old friend? There are ways to find an approach to others and find out what they really want. We will not teach you to read minds, but we will tell you how to understand a person.
Put yourself in his place
If people put themselves in each other’s place, there would be no conflicts, misunderstandings, and military in the world. It sounds, of course, utopian, because is it possible in all situations to think about others? The answer is unambiguous and truthful - no. But, if we want to know how to understand a person, we will have to enter his position. Need to ask yourself questions:
- What would I do in his place?
- What influences my actions and decisions?
- What seems pleasant to me and what does not?
If we manage to see the world through the eyes of another, we will learn not only how to understand it, but we can also predict subsequent actions.
Confide intuition
It happens that the heart, contrary to reason, has to another. He seems close, pleasant, "his". Sometimes, on the contrary, external signs characterize a person as an ideal person, and being next to him is torture. Trusting your intuition is how to understand a person if practically nothing is known about him.
To make an unconscious conclusion, you need to turn off the logic and listen to the emotions that arise when you see a person.
Learn the maximum
The Iceberg Theory finds its practical adaptation in each of us. Its essence is this: the tip of the iceberg above the water is what we see and know about the person. And the rest of the ice block is located at the bottom of the sea depths. In it - the hidden meaning, the past, care in the subtext. The underwater part of the iceberg stores the answer to the question "How to understand a person?". We will see it - we will solve it.
To catch the connection between actions, to understand the underlying motives, you need to try to fill out a questionnaire. She will become the file of the person of interest.
- Biography Facts
- Scope of activity, robots
- Hobbies, interests
- Details of privacy
- Reader's interests
- Weaknesses, secrets
- Health condition
- Circle of friends
- Relations with parents and relatives
- Habits, addictions
Monitor behavior
To learn how to solve and understand a person, you need to look at the behavior that is familiar to him. Facial expression, voice style, style of clothing will tell a lot about him.
Speech
Words and facial expressions should match each other. If something is wrong, there will be dissonance. More trust worth facial expression, and not the meaning of what was said. It is necessary to take into account intonation, reservations, rate of speech, confidence in the voice.
Mimicry
How to understand a person and find out what he feels? Closely monitor how the muscles in his face are contracting. For example:
Eyelids are a little lowered, lips are restrained - sadness.
Eyes narrowed, cheeks slightly reddened - pain.
The nose is wrinkled, the edge of the lip is raised - disgust.
The jaw is compressed, the cheekbones "play" - irritation, anger.
Eyes lowered, pale cheeks - insecurity, fear.
Having studied the prevailing emotions, we can conclude about the emotional-volitional state.
Gait
Self-confident personality is easily recognized by a smooth gait and looking ahead. Secretive people in any weather hide their hands in their pockets.
Constant looking around, fussiness indicate fear, fearfulness, pessimism.
If someone assertively imposes on us his pace of walking, it means that he does not intend to yield or compromise. Those who seem to be pushing satellites one way are used to imposing their opinions.
With their heads bowed, people try to hide the excitement.
Sight
Numerous studies have shown that the reaction of the pupils, unlike, for example, from a smile, cannot be controlled. They, receiving a signal from the brain, expand themselves when we feel joy, delight, fear or sexual arousal. Pupils constrict if we feel anger, hate, or irritation.
Pose and gestures
If the interlocutor, without noticing it, copies our position, it means that he respects us and is ready to fulfill the request. The inclination of the body and head forward indicates the interest of the interlocutor. Crossed arms or legs indicate reluctance to communicate, internal discomfort, closeness.
Hair, the condition of shoes and clothes will tell about cleanliness, neatness, style, material condition.
Check
Vladimir Vysotsky knew how to understand a man. He offered to take a friend to the mountains in order to check his endurance, endurance, friendship, human qualities. After all, the best way to find out another is to find yourself in an unforeseen or difficult situation, to spend a long time on the road, to meet with any force majeure.
The ancient sages, to whom the brides and brides turned for an opinion about their chosen ones, recommended to go with their loved ones on a long journey. They said that if after him the relationship remains warm, it is worth getting married. And if the quarrel will replace litter, then it is better not to hurry with marriage.
You can find out what kind of person you are if:
- See how he communicates with the staff - intelligent people keep themselves in hand, egoists and those who have complexes, shows arrogance.
- To lend him money - this is how punctuality is determined.
- To throw a cup of coffee on him - in surprise, he will show himself as real.
- To gossip about his friends - if he supports gossip to like it, then it is possible that the following objects will be you.
- Tell a secret - as you know, the ability to keep secrets more precious than gold.
Sometimes it is possible, having lived a decade with a man, to realize that we absolutely do not understand him. What then? To part because they were strangers? Break away without trying to change anything? Or still find out how to understand a person whom you have known for 100 years? We will tell you how to keep warm relations, and you can always beat the pots.
Learn to listen
It so happens that behind our voice, instructions and problems, the quiet whisper of others turns into silence. Sometimes, to understand, it is enough just to listen. Without interrupting, without blaming. Words can be confused, cause misunderstanding, but they need to be absorbed like a sponge. Later they, like randomly scattered puzzles, will fall into one picture.
View objectively
To compile a psychological portrait must be approached unbiased. After all, how to understand a person for real, if you have a long-standing image in front of your eyes. So, parents of excellent students can not believe that their son smoked at recess, because they know how many of their children received letters and how neatly work their portfolios.
Interesting study
Soviet psychologists asked two groups of people to describe a person by a photograph. The first group was accidentally informed that the photograph was a murderer. And the second group of subjects believed that describes a valiant hero. In fact, they all imposed their point of view. This proves the result, because the first group saw a proud and haughty person, and the second - an honest and courageous.
Do not give in to stereotypes
We do not know how to understand a person if his actions are not invested in our own framework of world outlook, moral boundary. But all people are different and their views on life also differ. Boys don't have to love fights, and girls don't bake pies. The same applies to the gap between generations, because misunderstanding almost always stands between fathers and children.
Do not crush
Ukory like "I can not understand you" or "How to understand a person who does not give such an opportunity!" we will only make it worse. We don’t want to open up, but will avoid talking for a long time, veiling our real feelings.
It is better to report your efforts to share other people's feelings.
Compare
Comparing people with each other is not always useful, but comparing a person with oneself in the past and the present is not a bad method. To understand the other, you need to track changes in it. Watching the new habits, learning about the real social circle, listening to music in his player, you can at least assume that he is feeling different now, what his thoughts are.
We told how to understand a person, find out the hidden motives of his behavior and test for strength. Remember that relatives should be given time, and new acquaintances should be better examined. At least before you open up. Follow our advice so that understanding becomes commonplace in your relationships with people.
