For a person with a restrained "northern" temperament conflicts are hard. Especially in a situation where you need to quickly convince your opponent, lightly, parry criticism, shout over, finally. However, if you connect the intellect, to reflect on previous situations, you can resolve the situation with a benefit. For example, master conflict management. Otherwise, there is a risk with all the talents to sit on the bench.
What is conflict management?
Conflict management is a meaningful transfer of conflict from the plane of emotional clarification of relationships to the rational direction of solving a specific problem. This concept includes not only interaction directly during a quarrel, but also forecasting, warning, suppression of a conflict situation. Sometimes the parties involved are not able to get rid of the gripping emotions. Then the management of the conflict takes on a third party or an experienced, balanced person.
But what if your arguments are lost against the background of your opponent's arguments? And at the end of the conflict you understand that you have been bypassed again? The most annoying thing is that in professional terms you are better grounded and a couple of days ago your lucky opponent came to you for advice. Oh, come on, he looks like a winner again. If you think that all this is said about you, then it is time to master the methods of conflict management for people of the "northern" temperament.
The division into "southerners" and "northerners" conditional. Like the division into introverts and extroverts. Finding a "thoroughbred" introvert or "southerner" is difficult. It all depends on the proportion in which we have traits of character and temperament. After all, the degree of manifestation of qualities inherent in different temperaments strongly influences our behavior in a conflict situation. Do you think that only people of the "southern" temperament, who prefer to speak rather than listen, rarely lack words? This is not true. Any verbal flow can be terminated by a capacious and elegant argument. And yes, this can be learned.
Effective ways to manage conflicts for those who do not like long conversations
Method 1. Derive the "arithmetic mean" of similar conflict situations.
When a quarrel happens in life, it seems that it is easier to leave, forget, bated offense in the soul. But similar situations happen regularly. Gradually, you notice that the scenery and opponents change, and you still stand still. Perhaps it is not in others, namely in you.
Similar conflict situations mean one thing - in your life you are doing something wrong. And while you are not aware of this, similar cases, replicated with a carbon paper, will "peck" you by temechku. Try not to dive into the events, and see some system. Sometimes one awareness is enough for the higher forces to understand: you have learned a lesson, you can not repeat the exam. But more often still have to act.
How it works? For example, your neighbors are constantly noisy. You are silent for a week, a month (you don’t want to get involved), then decide to talk to them. Calmly start a conversation, and quickly get the promise to behave quieter. And it really subsides. Inspired by the victory, you come to work and start a conversation that you have always avoided. Without waiting for a situation where the "cover of anger" is completely blown away.
Method 2. Do not break yourself, and use the features of your character
Conflict - not your element? Alas, there is no getting away from him. If one can get away from annoying acquaintances or another party, then we often find ourselves involved in confrontation against our will. Gradually, this situation is more than the need to get involved in an unpleasant quarrel.
Expressive extrovert difficult to talk in open confrontation. “Northerners” cannot endlessly carry the nonsense tied into sentences, only to occupy the air. A calm person needs more time to ponder a clear answer, pick up arguments. But sometimes you need to stop listening and start talking. If you do not know how to parry lightning-fast facts, quotes, there are a few phrases that will help to minimize the topic and get away from the need for a quick answer:
- I need to take a break ...
- I am not ready to answer your question right now ...
- Let's discuss it in a relaxed atmosphere ...
How it works? All three phrases can end with the words "... I need to think." The word "think" is the key here. Yet management and colleagues respect thinking employees. You do not play the role of a silent dummy, but you also do not play in a foreign field. You are ready for dialogue, but not for the endless shaking of air. Prepare arguments and take action. In a relaxed atmosphere, no southerner can beat you.
Method 3. Do not argue, but ask questions
To get to the bottom of the conflict is to find the key to its solution. Sometimes we are so immersed in our own problems that we start arguing before we hear our opponent. We concentrate on the fact that they want to offend us, to load us with additional work, to catch us with incompetence. Such a mood immediately starts a chain reaction of aggression.
Try to listen to your opponent, to understand his point of view. Do not interrupt at least until the moment when he pauses to take a breath. If you disagree with his point of view, start the dialogue with the phrase:
- Did I understand you correctly that ...
- Do you really think that ...
- Why do you think that the best solution would be ...
At the same time, the words “never” and “always” should be avoided, forcing the opponent to defend. Ask questions before you get to the bottom.
How it works? By asking questions, you kind of drag the opponent into your conflict territory and, at the same time, show respect for his problem. Correct questions will help him understand the absurdity, inappropriateness of the request or claim. Or you will come to a common decision together. So you inform that you do not neglect the request, respect the opinion and are ready to cooperate. Respect for yourself and your opponent, willingness to cooperate - the main killers of any conflict.
Method 4. Do not argue alone, seek allies
In companies with an extensive hierarchy, sometimes the "transfer rule" works. It works as follows: “someone” conflicts with your leader and transfers the same attitude to you. Even worse - when this "someone" comes to you to solve work issues, which according to the rank is supposed to be solved with your boss. If you start arguing, your opponent, charged with negative, starts to push. All conflict is inevitable.
The firstthat saves from confrontation - the phrase "I'm afraid, this is not in my competence." Sometimes it's easier to pronounce than to deal with the consequences.
The secondthat helps - appeal to your immediate supervisor. Perhaps the boss already has "itching" to get even with your abuser. So you immediately kill two birds with one stone - avoid quarrels and emphasize respect for the boss.
Third - appeal to his immediate superior. This is an extreme case, but sometimes you have to part with the myths about your own lack of conflict, rather than chewing the situation over and over.
How it works? You slowly get rid of the shell of its own closeness. Do not want to go to the boss? Look for allies among the staff. Do not like senseless conversations in the smoking room? Clearly explain which side you are on.
Method 5. Learn, learn and study again
Victory in dispute - this is real art. If you decide to master the methods of conflict resolution, you do not need to reinvent the wheel. One thing is to look like a winner in the eyes of others, another is to be it. At a time when television and the Internet did not exist, the ability to manage conflict was an obligatory personal quality of the leader. How can you convince people to follow you? Defeat opponents in an open dispute.
Eristic - This is the ancient science of the ability to refute the arguments of the enemy and defend their interests. The ancient Greek philosophers dedicated tracts to him, Schopenhauer wrote a book about it. There are published biographies, autobiographies of generals, rulers, businessmen. While studying them, you can stock up on useful quotes that will always help out in difficult times.
How you behave during a conflict directly affects your career. Avoiding an unpleasant situation will save you from stress, but in the future this behavior will become losing. If you are focused on career growth, the only way out is to master conflict management - to be ready for any challenge.
