Scientists and psychologists agree that there is something that unites strong marriages. But what is it? Is there a universal marital weapon to eliminate crises and other tests? This will not be told at school and they will lie in the films, without showing what happened to the heroes 5 years after the magnificent wedding. Today we will reveal the secrets of family happiness, which are collected from various sources. To listen to them or not is a personal matter for everyone, but everyone should recognize them. At least those who want to have a strong family.
What is family happiness
Family happiness is a well-being that allows all family members to feel comfortable, protected and satisfied.
The modern statistics of civilized countries is horrifying - 70 divorces account for 100 marriages, which means that 70% of children are brought up in single-parent families. Most of the officially registered couples break up, having lived together for no more than 5 years.
It turned out that wives are initiating about 80% of the breaks in relationships. The paradox is that half of the men marry a second time after the first marriage, and 70% of divorced women remain single.
Russian scientist and writer Mikhail Litvak investigated families where life together lasted about 15 years. All participants in the experiment were asked the same question: "If you return time back, would you be the spouse (spouse) of the person with whom you are married now, given that everything would be exactly the same?" The result surprised even the psychotherapist himself - only 5% of men and 9% of women do not regret anything and feel happy.
And one more shocking numbers: According to official data, only 5 families out of 114,000 live happily. The remaining 113 995 couples, staying on the same territory, quietly hate each other or experience indifference. This also includes those who created a relationship of calculation.
So what happens to us? Why, wearing a wedding ring, we swear that we will be together in grief and joy, and then we pack our bags in order to run away as far as possible from our connoisseur? Maybe we just need knowledge leading to harmony in the family? We want to share with them today.
Secrets of family happiness
Love
Many believe that love, “tearing off the roof,” should come instantly - and they are mistaken. This is the lot of love - to turn a person into a zombie, forcing him to think only about the second half 24 hours a day. But in fact, love begins to appear only when the pink veil falls from the eyes. After all, this feeling is not limited to sex, mutual gifts, crazy actions.
Apostle Paul spoke wisely about the whole depth of love. His words are considered to be the hymn of love for several hundred years. Here are a few lines from his dictum: "Love is patient, merciful, love is not jealous, love is not exalted, not proud, not outrageous, not looking for its own, not annoyed, not thinking evil ...". In other words, when you love, you are ready to endure, forgive, change, endlessly improve.
Without exception, all strong couples admit that they love each other. This is the first secret of family happiness.
Cooperation
What are the most common causes of litter in modern families? Why do mutual reproaches arise? Thank you need to grandparents, parents, directors of melodramatic films and all the others who have at least somehow influenced the formation of a stereotype in our heads.
Imagine a young wife who does not like to cook. In general, the kitchen is not her. The girl is much more interesting to write articles, make money, build a career. After such a revelation, everyone casts her with remarks, "You must have this and that!", "Yes, what a mistress you are!" and all in the same vein. This is how labels and public opinion work.
But what if her husband absolutely does not like the role of the breadwinner, once attributed by someone from the outside. What if he is satisfied with a stable small robot and attracts the kitchen with the ability to bake cherry pies. Here it is, happiness - to find a compromise, do not break yourself through the knee, trying to meet someone's requirements.
In their family, people have the right to distribute responsibilities among themselves. This is the main task. With which the power to cope with those who are looking for a way out, but not the culprit. Cooperation, teamwork, partnership will certainly lead to happiness in the family.
friendship
Couples who celebrate the "golden" wedding, believe that the success of the strength of their union is friendly. The opportunity to talk heart to heart, to be honest, frank and for what you really are - the highest benefit of married life. In addition, it is always interesting to spend time together with a friend, discuss any issues, and travel.
One 80-year-old man, who took part in the Harvard University experiment regarding the search for secrets of happiness, admitted that he still watches the most interesting films only with his wife. He explains this by saying that it has always been interesting to discuss the plot and share thoughts with her.
American professor of psychology John Gottman in 1986 created a laboratory of love in the form of an ordinary apartment, equipped with special equipment for observation. 600 pairs of participants and 16 years of experiment led the scientist to the conclusion that the strongest relationships were those that were built on the "principle of friendship." That is how the author called the ability of couples to create an emotional and intellectual connection that allows them to suppress negative thoughts and feelings.
Problems
Popular wisdom says that with sweet and paradise in a hut. But is this true? Statistics say that in countries where the standard of living for some reason decreases, the number of divorces increases dramatically. The reason - the conflict against the backdrop of material difficulties. Problems with housing, the constant lack of money alienate each other spouses. Often, someone has to leave for work, a long time away from home. Loyalty, misunderstanding, resentment - blows, which are ready to meet only the strongest.
But will wealth be the guarantor of a good relationship? Family psychologists believe not. In their opinion, the problem lies not in the financial crisis, but in the inability to reach an agreement, find a way out, go through a difficult stage, because material well-being can change dramatically for the better. Husband and wife should learn to support each other, to find a way out of the impasse, be content with small things and appreciate what is.
Traditions
Each family is a separate state, which has its own form of government, lifestyles and traditions. It is important that all its "citizens" are united by participation in domestic rituals. This betrays the actions of special meaning, makes it possible to feel the uniqueness, the uniqueness of their union.
It is known that family relations include several levels: husband-wife, children-parents, children-parents-grandparents (grandparents). It is desirable that the traditions relate to each of the categories, forming a chain of strong ties. To do this, do not necessarily invent something daunting. It is enough to gather, for example, at the festive table with the husband’s parents at the end of each month. Or order pizza on Fridays. No matter what the rites will be, their goal is to unite, create comfort and harmony, responsible for happiness in the family.
Tenderness
Spouses must under any circumstances find time for intimacy with each other. Some couples, unfortunately, push romance into the background, believing that it has no place among the everyday people of adults and accomplished people. But after all, to show tenderness, to admire the orchestra in private - means silently saying: "I love and accept as you are."
The role of sexual relations in marriage is hard to overestimate. They, while not being the main guarantee of well-being, skillfully lead to the origins of the essence of man and woman. Intimacy is not just the satisfaction of physiological needs. This is a way to trust your partner as much as possible, to communicate a secret, open only for two.
7 tips to help change things for the better right now
- Together to do an exciting business for both. Cleaning, cooking dinner, decorating the Christmas tree and other activities bring together.
- More often hug, kiss, show tactile attention. This should be included in the list of mandatory procedures along with morning coffee or viewing news feeds.
- Replenish your vocabulary with affectionate words. It is desirable at the same time to oust from him all the rudeness, as well as harsh or disrespectful expressions.
- Diversify leisure with new impressions: ice skating, going to the cinema or the theater.
- Establish a pleasant family tradition, for example, dinner together, board games on weekends.
- Question "How was your day?" to embroil in an exciting 30-minute conversation. The main task is to "breathe the air of a partner".
- Announce Challenge "10 days without a single criticism of the husband" or "Week without a high tone."
Secrets of family life - without which it is impossible to cross the threshold of the marriage registration hall. Knowing them, we get every chance to improve the statistics of strong unions, having lived a long and prosperous life together. Remember, our happiness is in our hands, and this is a huge responsibility.
