Everyone feels envy, but in varying degrees. This feeling is not always destructive, and sometimes even useful. To properly use your own envy, you must first determine, what color is it. We will tell you how to do this and give effective advice on how to overcome the “black” one, attracting success to yourself.
What is envy
Envy is a feeling of disappointment and frustration, which is associated with own failures or small achievements in comparison with other people. Such a common vice finds its place in religion and culture. In the Christian religion envy belongs to one of the seven deadly sins, in culture, painting is depicted as a worm or a snake. In the domestic sphere is often identified with the toad, hence the saying "toad strangles." From the Latin name envy livor translated as "blue".
Black and white envy: what's the difference
There are several versions of the appearance of envy. One of them considers it on the basis of genetic sources, that is, as a character trait inherent in each person. This version is explained by the fact that it was the motor aspect for primitive people, forcing them to compare themselves with others and strive for greater success. For example, male earners constantly competed to bring more food into their families, and their women tried to be more economical and more beautiful, to bring rich offspring.
The theory has the right to exist, relevant even now. Psychology characterizes such envy as “white”. That is, it is a manifestation of it that does not harm others and constantly makes you work on yourself. It is aimed at internal self-improvement, and not at revenge on someone.
Interesting experiment
This is confirmed by a study of American scientists who argue that this vice has a special energy. The experiment involved two groups of people. Their task was to develop campaign ideas. The difference is that the first group was informed that the idea belongs to their own campaign and needs to be further developed. The second group was notified that the idea belongs to someone else's campaign. The experiment showed that it was the second group that showed greater interest in the development of the idea, as they tried to succeed against the background of their rivals. It can be said that the success of the campaign depended directly on the envy of the members of the second group.
Unlike white envy, which seems to say: “I envy this person and want to reach his level,” “black” envy is aimed at lowering others below myself.
Due to the fact that the manifestation of "white" is less common, another aspect arises, which regards it as a social component.
The causes of envy are different, but most often they lead to childhood, becoming the result of improper upbringing. Comparing yourself with others is a natural trait of every person, but the constant reminders of parents that Peter is an excellent student, and you do not reach out, cause irritation. Then envy has a negative effect - our comparison, instead of motivation and the desire to improve oneself, causes anger towards others and the desire for revenge. Oh, this Petya, how easy it is for him!
Why "black" envy is a negative feeling
- The world's first murder occurred because of envy. So says the legend of the sons of Adam - Cain and Abel. Cain envied his brother because God did not accept his gifts and decided to take revenge on Abel.
- Envy plunges into depression. We ourselves may not notice how insidiousness and anger will nourish an insatiable feeling of hatred towards the enemy. If success is not achieved in the near future (and this happens often), we get upset over trifles, underestimating our strength. The result is depression, total unwillingness to act, anger at yourself.
- Envy deprives people of respect by pushing them away.. Hardly anyone wants to make envious friends. What can we say about the girls, because the envy of friends can not only destroy the friendship, but also lead to worse consequences.
- It strengthens our low self-esteem.. Jealous of others, we focus on the achievements of others and, thus, reduce the chances of their own success. The envious person decides that someone was just lucky, not thinking that success was worth the effort. Instead of blaming the fate that lucky another, it's time to start working on yourself.
Signs of envy
One of the negative features of envy is that we do not always know about its presence. One can understand whether we are envious or not right now. To understand it was easier, we learn how to ask questions and listen to your inner voice.
- Help. If we are not able to offer help to others or receive it ourselves, perhaps the reason is envy. Someone else's help seems like a favor, we are looking for a catch.
- Thanks. Envy manifests itself when we are not able to be grateful. When gifts cause offense like “why they can afford it” or if it seems that a gift is just a way to demonstrate its high material status.
- Training. If you have ever worked with tutors or teachers, how did I feel? I am glad that they decided to help me or envy their achievements? There are cases when learning is ineffective due to the fact that we envy our teacher, instead of focusing on our own achievements.
- Criticism. There is an opinion that envious people are subject to criticism more than others. We answer the question: am I trying to be useful and succumb to sensible criticism? Or envy and seek negative traits in everything? We answer the question.
- Rivalry. In the fight against jealousy is very important fact of attitude to opponents If rivalry makes you work harder and motivates, white envy manifests itself. Many specifically compete with others, because it helps to keep the spirit in good shape, to be harder. And what if rivalry causes negative feelings? Do I often compare myself with others? Do I get upset when I find out about other people's victories? Does it add self-confidence or vice versa? In this case, you need to get rid of not rivals, but from envy to them.
- Joy for others. If a friend boasts luck, do I feel sadness or joy for him?
- Joy for yourself. The most important thing is the work on your self-esteem. Envy is a flaw in people whose self-esteem is very low. Therefore, if I succeeded - “I am young,” and if not, “I am young, that I tried.”
Getting rid of envy: small and big steps to success
Always love yourself
To get rid of low self-esteem, to properly distribute and evaluate your own strength means to get rid of envy by 50%.
Do not feed your envy
When thoughts of revenge and injustice of fate are spinning in our heads, we say "stop." If you feed your feelings with negative and resentment, it will be impossible to overcome.
Get rid of the imaginary sense of justice
We often shout: "It's not fair!", "It's not fair!". Our concept of the right is purely individual. We build high expectations, when confronted with reality, we are disappointed. We become envious when we focus our thoughts on "injustice." To think soberly, you need to look at the situation from different angles, stop feeling sorry for yourself and move towards success.
Be friendly
If you stop "splashing bile" on everyone who managed to achieve something in life, then you will notice how life becomes easier. Sincere joy will not only positively affect relationships with people, but will also lead to an understanding of how important support is. If you wish people well and make compliments, it will definitely come back.
Concentrate on your own development
Sometimes other people's successes and virtues make us feel like losers. The only solution to this problem is to work on yourself. Correct definition of goals, planning and calculations, hard work - this is the right way to success.
Being responsible for your own decisions
Envious people often do not even think that they have chosen a more difficult path, so achieving success takes more time. For example, choosing the profession of a doctor or teacher, spending a lot of time on education and practice, we envy those who produce simple but small money. Naturally, this envy will dissipate when our education and perseverance will bear fruit, but is it profitable to spend time on it?
Correctly assess the subject of envy
If we are accustomed to be offended by everyone and everyone who has achieved something, then it’s time to think whether we really need the merits of others. For example, envying the career growth of others, we do not know about pitfalls - the complexity of the work schedule. We are attracted by other people's achievements in the material sphere, but we rarely think about how a person achieves a good financial position.
Life from time to time makes envy. How we treat these feelings and what we do with them determines our attitude to life. Envy is an emotion that causes suffering for oneself and others. But its correct use motivates further work on oneself. Listen to our advice to cope with a negative feeling or to benefit from it.
