Moral abuse and emotional blackmail can occur in different areas of interpersonal interaction.
It is important to be able to recognize such destructive relationships and competently get out of them.
Decoding concepts
Moral (emotional) violence is a method of non-physical pressure on a person, as a result of which his psyche suffers.
Often moral pressure causes more harm than the use of physical force.
People who have experienced moral pressure are usually suffer from serious psychological problems: depression, anxiety, lack of self-confidence, the desire for submission.
Growing up in conditions of constant pressure from parents, children eventually turn into deeply doubting themselves adult personalities who easily fall under the influence of any stronger person.
Emotional blackmail is the manipulation of a person’s behavior by acting on him on an emotional level.
The easiest victims of emotional blackmail are anxious, vulnerable, deeply sensitive personalities. For them, relationships with people and people's opinions about them are of great importance.
Emotional blackmailing people are excellent manipulators. They recognize the weaknesses of their victim and use them to achieve personal goals. As a result, the opponent subject to emotional blackmail begins to follow not the arguments of reason, but his emotions.
The reasons
Each side has their reasons for choosing a particular behavior.
The manipulator uses moral violence, emotional blackmail from the following considerations:
- use the victim to meet their interests;
- get pleasure from manipulating another person;
- raise the level of self-worth by humiliating the other;
- to avoid the possible loss of a person by suppressing his will and completely diving him into an existing relationship.
Victim of Moral Violence and Emotional Blackmail It appears on the position for the following reasons:
- fear of loneliness, prompting to continue to be with the wrong person;
- complete dependence on the partner;
- fear of causing negative manipulator emotions through disobedience;
- fear, in principle, to face the negative emotions of someone, prompting them to constantly perform actions for the benefit of other people;
- the desire to get the approval of the blackmailer, caused by a strong emotional attachment to it;
- excessive self-criticism, as a result of which any comments and insults addressed to yourself are perceived as objective;
- a heightened sense of responsibility (a person is confident that he is responsible for the experiences of other people).
Kinds
The main types of emotional abuse:
- Suggestion to the victim of self-doubt and in their life attitudes (gaslighting). This is a universal way of psychological violence, in which the manipulator seeks to completely suppress the person’s identity. The victim is constantly inspired by the idea that all her ideas about the surrounding reality are erroneous. Gradually, the manipulator imposes its own, convenient to him, the rules and norms of behavior. The suppression of personality occurs by constantly diminishing its intellectual abilities, emotional and volitional qualities, professional merit, etc.
- Permanent care from problems. For years, a skilled manipulator can move away from discussing an important issue with the help of a skillful transfer of a conversation to another topic, joking, ignoring a question, etc.
As a result, the victim cannot make a claim that they do not want to talk to her, but after such dialogues he remains in a state of complete helplessness and dissatisfaction.
- Neglect. This type of moral violence is particularly common. Such violence manifests itself in the unwillingness of the aggressor to take into account the opinion of another person, to comply with his requests. As a result, the victim is constantly convinced that it is of no value to the manipulator. This leads to a decrease in self-esteem, to psychological problems. Neglect can manifest itself in major issues (the wife dreams of a child, and the husband ignores her desire) or in trivial at first glance trifles (the child asks parents not to enter his room without knocking, and parents intentionally enter without warning).
- Ignoring - The oldest method of emotional control. Every person needs to recognize him as valuable and important to someone. It gives meaning to existence and fills the emptiness inside. Deliberately leaving a person without the attention of a significant subject for him is a typical form of manipulation. The victim tries to make contact and ultimately fulfills all the requirements of the aggressor, which differ from her own installations.
- Criticism of appearance, character. This phenomenon occurs so often that in society it is not even perceived as a form of emotional violence. Partners, spouses, parents, relatives, and colleagues easily voice criticism of the person’s appearance and character.
At the same time, people often do not think that their subjective opinion can have a devastating impact on the self-esteem of the individual.
- Jealousy and control. The aggressor can organize total control over another person because of jealousy. Tracking movements, control actions - all this deprives the victim of personal space. Sometimes there are couples where mutual jealousy becomes the norm of behavior and suits both. In this case, talking about emotional violence is not necessary. But, if jealousy is manifested by one side to the detriment of the interests of the other side, then the problem exists.
Signs of
It is desirable to recognize signs of emotional abuse as early as possible. It will help get out of the destructive relationship with minimal losses.
In a relationship, in a family
As a rule, people at the beginning of a relationship try to express themselves exclusively from the best side.
But, as communication develops, manipulators gradually begin to show their true face.
Often, negative behavior does not manifest itself at the stage of extramarital relations, and the crisis occurs only after marriage.
This may be due to the appearance in the manipulator of possessive feelings towards the partner, with a change in the social positions of the partners.
For example, an unsuccessful husband begins to show emotional abuse. in relation to a more successful wife because of feelings of dissatisfaction.
Emotional abuse can be expressed in the following:
- Criticism. Constant criticism of appearance, character, judgments and life principles is aimed at destroying the partner’s self-esteem and subordinating it to his will.
- Charges. The manipulator blames the victim for all of his and their common failures, instilling in her a constant feeling of guilt.
- Ignoring. The aggressor is indifferent to the feelings and desires of his partner. He can inflict physical pain, spoil a favorite thing, disrupt plans and not suffer the slightest regret.
- Punishment. Behavior that contradicts the settings of the aggressor is automatically recognized as bad. And for this bad behavior can be imposed punishment in the form of ignoring, contempt, insults.
- Control. Constant tracking of movements, contacts, expenses, classes should be alarming. These are signs of the behavior of a pathological jealous man and a tyrant who, as a result, can completely restrict the communication of the victim with all of his surroundings to the next of kin.
- Rudeness. Harsh treatment can manifest itself in acts of physical violence, in coercion to hard sex, in the collapse of furniture and damage to objects during quarrels.
- Self-righteousness. The aggressor is always confident that his actions and views are correct. The opinion of the partner is not taken into account and ridiculed.
- Contradictory. Aggressors often behave inconsistently, confusing their partner and making him nervous.
So, the request for help can change in a minute to the requirement not to interfere.
Over woman
According to statistics with emotional abuse more women face. This is due to their greater psychological susceptibility, with frequent material dependence on the man, with unwillingness to destroy the family, etc.
Signs of emotional abuse of a woman:
- increased criticality to the appearance, character, life attitudes of women;
- indifference to her needs and desires;
- the desire to control every step;
- baseless jealousy;
- the desire to limit her communication with her friends, relatives, colleagues;
- imposing own installations;
- manifestation of rudeness in communication, which may be accompanied by the use of physical violence;
- punishment for disobedience, expressed in demonstration of anger, irritation, deprivation of any rights;
- the statement of requirements relating to changes in her appearance, lifestyle, social circle, work, etc.
- shifting responsibility for the emotional state of a man (“you pissed me off,” “you are guilty,” “I am not doing anything because of you”);
- hypersensitivity, resentment, hysteria of a man;
- the manifestation of manipulation and coercion in bed;
- constant emphasis on gender inequality: the man is always the main;
- fickle mood, independent of external factors;
- the use of verbal threats about possible physical abuse.
Above children
Adults are always stronger than a child not only physically, but also morally. Society gave them the authority to educate, which are controlled by the state only in terms of the legal field.
Signs of emotional abuse of children:
- humiliation of appearance, character traits, manners, etc .;
- ridiculing failures;
- excessive criticality;
- excessive demands;
- ignoring desires and needs;
- insult to strangers, including friends;
- constant comparison with more successful peers.
A child facing emotional abuse is different. low self-esteem, violation of socialization, problems with the expression of emotions, pessimism, health problems.
Susan Forward about blackmail
The Popular Psychology Book by Susan Forard "Emotional blackmail" helps to understand the nature of the occurrence of this phenomenon and how to deal with it.
According to Forward, it is easy to recognize blackmail. If a person tries to control another person, ignores his protests, insists on the advantage of his position and refuses to openly discuss the problem, then there is emotional blackmail.
According to the author of the book, from blackmail both sides suffer. The aggressor is completely immersed in the situation of his manipulation and in case of failure is experiencing severe stress due to the fact that the goal is not achieved.
The victim is under psychological stress due to the pressure exerted on her and in the case of concession to the blackmailer feels dissatisfaction with himself.
Susan Forard argues that emotional blackmail kills two main components of a reliable relationship - trust and goodwill.
What does a victim of emotional abuse do?
The most correct decision will be the termination of the destructive interaction (separation, divorce, termination of contacts with the aggressor). If it is impossible to do this for various reasons, then A number of rules should be followed:
- Realize the importance of their own personality and their right to form personal opinions and beliefs. An aggressor is an ordinary person and he does not necessarily behave correctly (even if it is parents).
- Learn to abstract from the situation. That is, learn to ignore words, not indulge in antics, do not satisfy all the requests and desires of the tyrant.
- Call the aggressor to the dialogue. Often, manipulators are not only unaware of the incorrectness of their behavior, but also themselves suffer greatly from it. The reason may lie in self-doubt, in childhood injuries, in fear of losing a partner, etc.
Open discussion of the situation and joint work on relationships can yield positive results.
- Consult a specialist. If you are unable to solve the problem yourself, you can contact a psychologist for help. A specialist will help you to understand yourself and in this situation, to find a way out.
Moral abuse and emotional blackmail destructive effect on the human psyche. The ability to recognize the manipulator in time and to find a way out of this situation will help to protect oneself from unnecessary experiences.
How to define emotional blackmail and how to respond to it? Psychology:
