It is absolutely incomprehensible where in our mentality came the assertion that if a man beats a woman, it speaks of love. It is even more difficult to understand why it is so firmly rooted in our mind, and why women themselves support this ridiculous idea. If the husband beats his wife, can she say that he loves her? At the very beginning of their relationship, he most likely behaved differently: courting, giving flowers, helping to put on a coat. Then, then, did not like?
Love or not?
From the point of view of some specialists, aggression and violence in the family (or in relations between a man and a woman in general) have deep roots, originating from affection for a partner and the fear of being alone. This is typical of weak people who, through the use of force, absorb their partner.
What is the problem?
As always happens in a relationship, you can’t say that someone is to blame. In some cases, the victim herself feels the need to use force over her and subconsciously (and sometimes very clearly expressed) provokes the partner. As in the first case, this is a manifestation of a sense of its own uselessness.
Here you can draw a parallel with the child's behavior - when he does not receive enough attention, he begins to act up, to behave badly, to commit bad deeds - thus he attracts attention to himself. It does not matter that adults react negatively to his behavior: they scream, scold, punish - in any case, he satisfies his need for attention. If your husband beats you, consider whether the situation described above is not a reflection of your own.
Therefore, quite often we can say that a woman does not respect herself, does not know how to love and is ready to draw attention to herself in any way. Otherwise, the use of violence in its understanding would not correspond to this beautiful and tender feeling.
A person with a healthy psyche will leave such a relationship after the first incident, realizing that the partner may not stop there. Here the instinct of self-preservation must work.
But this is a theory. Most often, women are afraid, while they are afraid of their partner (he may threaten, stalk) and others. After all, there are cases when a woman hears in response to her story about beatings something like “I am guilty myself” or “Do not provoke”. If jealousy, for example, becomes a cause of conflict, then this has nothing to do with love. A man considers a woman to be his property and it can be said with confidence that this situation will aggravate further, and there will be more and more reasons for the display of aggression: I don’t put on the wrong dress, didn’t say so, stay at work.
The same can be said about situations when a man “has not set a day”. If he considers it possible to take out his problems on a girl - this will not work. To disrupt your anger and failure in this way can only be a complete loser and an insecure person - you need to work with this, and more often, it is difficult to manage without professional intervention. Therefore, it is senseless to wait for any changes, despite the repentance, oaths to change and the phrases “this will never happen again”. Such a man raises his self-esteem at the expense of a woman, humiliating her physically and in words. His goal is to show his superiority and convince her of her own uselessness and worthlessness. For a woman, this is fraught with the development of a huge number of complexes and psychological trauma.
Do you still need a relationship - decide for yourself. If such situations in your relationship arise systematically, then they relate to immature relationships and the inability to give and receive love normally.
However, there are other cases. Sometimes a woman brings a man to the state when he raises his hand, having exhausted all possible methods of influence on her. At the same time, it is necessary to understand that no matter how a woman behaves, a mentally healthy, well-balanced man will not hit her. He will turn around and leave, well, at the very least, he will curse, but he will not consider the girl as an equal participant in hand-to-hand combat. However, some girls specifically try to cause aggression in a man, and not everyone can cope with it. In this case, the women themselves climb into the fray. Is it possible in such cases to say that only a man is guilty?
Perhaps the woman also could not reach her partner, and her attempts to convey some important information for her were too emotional, she hit the man in a sore spot psychologically - he answered her on a physical level. Often, such reactions are instantaneous, and the man himself did not realize what he was doing. The decision to forgive or not to forgive a partner in this case is again left to the woman. Perhaps if people learn to listen and hear each other, such situations will not be repeated.
