What to do, if blame the child for his birth?
First of all, do not panic.
If such thoughts confuse you, then this is a marker of that all is not lost and there is a chance to turn life back to normal.
Unwanted children: concept and psychology
If even before the birth of a child, the mother or father, and in some cases both of them would like this pregnancy to not come, then the born baby can be considered to belong to the category unwanted children.
Moreover, if his relatives were opposed to the birth of the future mother or father, consequences for the psyche and the further fate of the baby is not as difficult as in the case of the negative, which came directly from the parents or one of them.
Causes of birth
Pregnancy does not always occur in ideal conditions. The most often adverse factor making it difficult to rejoice in the birth of a new life and the early replenishment of the family, stands:
- Lack of family as such. This is a common reason for future mothers of minor age, women who cannot build long-term relationships or are faced with the fact that the father of the child leaves the family.
- Unstable financial situation. Difficulties with finances can be both permanent and sudden. In the first case, parents hate in advance another mouth, which will soon have to be fed.
With the sudden loss of a source of income, many begin to panic in the face of current and future difficulties, expenses that are unknown how to overcome without the usual financial leverage.
And the newborn child becomes a scapegoat, as the most defenseless and unanswered object for draining negative emotions.
- Father - random rapist or family tyrant (husband or other relative). In both cases, the woman was subjected to humiliation, humiliation and, unable to get rid of the fetus, hates the unborn child, his father and her own life.
- Not the sex of the child. For example, parents wanted a son, but it turned out that the fetus is female. Either the husband dreamed of a girl and does not know how to raise his son or does not want another man in the family - there are many variations and reasons, and the result is the same.
- Unexpected pregnancy in a woman aged, successfully raised their children and even had time to nurse the grandchildren. Typical for a pregnant woman features in the body associated with the onset of menopause, but not with the new life that originated.
As a result, a middle-aged future mother panics before the duties she once faced and may no longer be able or willing to perform them anew.
- Desire for mom or both parents to develop a careerand not spend time raising a child.
- A holiday romance. If the father is a representative of another race, then stress, the desire to “cover the tracks” and the hatred of the child who has been born is many times stronger.
- When ultrasound revealed that the child has a developmental disability and at birth he can not lead a full life, adequately perceive yourself and loved ones.
Effects
If a woman is able to overcome the hostility towards the person within herself, who, in fact, not guilty neither in her appearance nor in the adverse circumstances of her parents' life, she will be able to find solace in the upbringing of the child and raise it to normal.
Especially if others support her at least morally.
Otherwise, the unwanted child will become a constant reminder of the mother about the reason for her dislike for him and the scapegoat for all the difficulties in her life, in which he, in fact, is not to blame.
If the rest of the relatives are in solidarity with her in this, then the life of the child from the beginning of his birth will be a complete nightmare.
Other possible consequences:
- Seeking to get rid of the unborn child on the dates when medical abortion is already prohibited, a woman can put herself in mortal danger or cause irreparable harm to the fetus and thus provoke a disability of the infant.
- Leaving the newborn in conditions that are dangerous to his life. Only a few lucky little ones can survive under such circumstances. But thinking about this outcome of events, it is useful for a pregnant woman to remember that such behavior is a criminal offense.
Therefore, the best way out in such a situation is to refuse a baby in a medical institution or an anonymous addressing to a baby house. In all circumstances, you need to remain human.
- Being always kicked in the family, man can grow aggressive and turn into a criminal, looking for an opportunity to avenge the world for their hardships.
Influence on fate
Maternal love in the state fill the emotional void, surrounding the child, who was for some time "in the status of" unwanted.
Therefore, if the future mother didn’t take any action to get rid of the fetus: she didn’t swallow the pills, didn’t try to freeze the unborn child with cigarettes and cigarettes and was born normal, there’s everything chances to cure him of feeling useless.
It is enough just to love him and surround him with adequate care.
If the attitude to the already born little man does not change, it is difficult to expect that he will grow up happy and adequate.
After all, the constant reproaches, restrictions and bullying - a person can be sophisticatedly cruel to those who do not love, they are able even from an adult and self-confident subject to make a regular client of a psychiatric clinic.
Future life
Even under the condition that the mother fulfills the duties of providing a normal environment for the child, continuing to consider the child undesirable, she will emotionally move away from him and keep at a distance, denying spiritual support.
Such a deficit is much worse than the lack of sufficient vitamins and domestic comfort, because forms in the child's soul an understanding of its uselessness even to the person closest in blood for him.
Later on, unwanted children often suffer from:
- Depression. It is difficult to resist the avalanche of parental dislike, which makes it impossible to develop emotionally and acquire the ability to be human.
The eternal feeling of one’s own uselessness can deprive one’s will to live, even in a favorable environment that does not require the application of special forces in anything.
- Not successful. It is motherly love and recognition that most of us need to achieve conceived tasks, a sense of inner harmony and our place in this life.
- Lack of spiritual warmth leads to the inability to generate it for others, which is why society receives another individual without a sense of pity for himself and others.
- Striving for suicide. Early isolation from the source of peace of mind deprives of the ability to not pay attention to petty domestic adversities, from which, over time, it seems to a person that life is a flour and only an unauthorized way out of life is the only way to solve the problem.
Such a negative from the mother can be leveled if the child is lucky and in his life there is someone who wants to become for the little man solid shoulder and at the same time guiding star because of the understanding that the child is an innocent being.
Or, he himself found himself in a situation of an exile in a “pack” of his own kind, which is why he is able to understand the horror of a small creature, who is being carried from all sides by real or mental messages in his undesirability.
How to live with it?
A woman with remorse of conscience who suffers from a lack of love for a child has every chance to grow this feeling that is necessary for both of them. After all, it is human nature to become attached to those creatures that he cares about.
And over time, she will even be able to forgive the child for his non-existent guilt, if she consciously decides to sort out the roots of this problem and let it go.
If there are no feelings for the child, except aggression and hatred, it is very difficult for the mother to restrain herself, so as not to cause physical harm to her son or daughter, better to seek help from specialists in the child's home.
Psychology tips
I regretted having given birth to a child: how to be? Why do some mothers regret the preserved pregnancy?
- To such an opinion a woman may come due to postpartum depression. Therefore, her family should definitely take into account the possibility of such a development of events and strive at least systematically help newly-minted mom with her baby. But women themselves need to be aware of the possibility of developing this mental disorder and take preventive measures. Among them: take care of the baby when he is awake, and be sure to fully relax when he sleeps; At least a quarter of an hour a day should be given time to your favorite hobby in order to imbue yourself with happy energy, and you need to spend as much time on self-care.
- Such a statement is sometimes made by women become mothers too late or too early, or already having several children. The experience of some and the youth of others can be a source of strength for later life.
- Mother with a disabled childwho does not have help from the state and relatives, is usually in a very difficult financial situation and morally exhausted quickly. In such circumstances, it is imperative to require state support. And if it cannot be achieved at the local administrative level, go to the highest circles.
In the absence of the opportunity to personally visit the offices of those in power, people who are well versed in the intricacies of filing virtual complaints should be involved as assistants.
I regret having given birth to my second child: what to do? Even if the children different fathers, in the second child there are as many maternal genes as in the first.
Therefore, a sense of justice, "built-in" in normal women, should help get rid of hostility in relation to the second child.
And if there is a feeling of guilt because of dislike for the second child, it means that all is not lost and there is a chance to establish an absent warm relationship.
Be sure to help yourself deal with the problem with professional psychologists. There is no possibility of personal visits to a specialist, look for support on specialized forums and websites - the road will be mastered by walking.
And the sooner you manage to get rid of the "wolf gnawing from the inside" and preventing natural love from experiencing a natural child to your own child, the sooner more sun and light will appear in life.
Human destiny is full of twists and turns and is capable of cruel jokes with us and our offspring. But anyway awareness of the existing problem - This is the first step towards its resolution.
Look for ways out of a situation that is ruining your life and life of who is your continuation in it. Refer to the experts and experiences of other people in a similar situation. And you will definitely find a way to start a normal life.
How unwanted children live and why it happens:
