Former husband: the rules of communication and ways to return it to the family

For the first time trying on a bridal outfit, we all hope for a fairy tale with a happy ending. But it often happens that dreams are not destined to come true, and once the beloved spouse becomes just a "former". How to communicate with him now? What if he wants to come back? How to get it back? And in general, what kind of beast is this "ex-husband"?

If there are common children

Often, a woman with a former spouse is associated not only with extinct feelings, but also with a blood relative - a child. Many after a divorce use it as a lever of influence. This is fundamentally wrong, baby - the same person as you. In most cases, he is under tremendous stress from a divorce, even if outwardly his signs are not visible. Therefore, in order not to injure him and yourself even more, follow the simple rules in dealing with your ex-husband:

Submit for alimony. Otherwise, financial scandals cannot be avoided. Even if the father is now generous, with the advent of the new family, the situation may change.
Let me see the child if he wants it. Discuss the schedule acceptable for both in advance, and write it down best. Remember that in order not to give the child to his father, the reason must be really valid (for example, illness).
Do not scandalize if he does not participate in the life of a child. This, of course, is very disappointing, but give him time. Most often, the man believes that the child has enough mothers, so he does not interfere with the former family, so as not to harm. Calmly say that the child needs it and wait a little. Do not impose.
Do not allow yourself when the child speak badly about his dad. When he grows up, he will be able to draw conclusions. If your words alienate the child from the father, and he stops communicating with him, then in adulthood he will surely blame you for this.
It is not necessary to tell the child about the details of the divorce. All he needs to know is that dad and mom love him, but they just can't live together anymore. And this is normal, in life it is different.

If attention from the "former" too much

Divorce does not pass without a trace for both women and men. Sometimes they think that control over their ex-wife is a matter of their whole life. Instead of being angry, have pity on the poor fellow. Surely he is very lonely, and the only consolation for him is to somehow hurt you. You can restrict communication in the following ways:

Change your phone number, block it in social networks. Of course, he may be waiting for you at home or work, but surely he will soon get tired of it.
Ask mutual friends and relatives not to share information about themselves. The less you know the better you sleep.
Take a break somewhere. The longer you are, the better. In the end, think about yourself, for sure you have long been bothering to unwind.
Do not give in to provocations. The more emotional your reaction will be, the more satisfaction it will receive. And it will try to bring you to the emotions again and again.
Solve all questions through someone. For example, a grandmother, a girlfriend, etc.

If you want to restore the family

Often a woman begins to regret a divorce, her thoughts do not leave: "he is not so bad," "as I am now alone," "and suddenly it would be better not to meet him." At first every second thinks so. But this period is over, new goals, joy in life appear, a woman forgets about her former husband and often finds a new one.

If you are sure that a divorce is a mistake, and there is hope for a happy future together, then try to return it:

Remember yourself at the beginning of a relationship. Become happy and easy again, find a new hobby. A man is unlikely to return to the forever displeased, crying woman. You should inspire him, not be a burden.
Occasionally remind yourself. Well, once a month, ask to replace the socket or a light bulb, to come to a party with friends, to meet in the store by chance. It is bad to pester with calls, constantly invent a reason to see, watch at home or work.
When you see that the ex-spouse is back to you, start talking about your relationship. Share your thoughts on what prevented you from being happy, how you could rectify the situation. Say that you probably regret the divorce.
Now it's up to him. Remember that all men need some time to think about new information. After a week, find a reason to meet and watch his behavior. Flirt lightly, if he answers you the same, it means everything is okay.

If the former spouse does not intend to return, do not be discouraged. Whatever is done is for the best. Take up your favorite work and believe that your happiness is still ahead. The pain will surely subside, and the heart will fall in love again, the main thing is not to step on the same rake.

New marriage

It's great when a woman at the time of the new marriage has already put all the "dots on i" in relations with her ex-husband. But, unfortunately, this is not always the case. With the advent of a new chosen one, all conflicts are often aggravated. It is especially difficult to become if a couple that has not developed has a child. The former spouse may begin to be jealous of his child to the new head of the family. What can be done in this situation:

Try to make friends. It is never too late to forget the insults and sit down at the armistice table. After all, once you found a common language, try to do it now. In the end, make a compromise, personal peace and happiness are worth it.
Explain to the child that he has one native dad. Even if the new husband is better than the former in everything, the “common blood” and the genes will sooner or later make themselves felt. Only time will tell which of them has become really close to the child. Do not impose your opinion.
Do not feel guilty. You divorced and became strangers to each other, which means you have the right to build a new family. Once the ex-husband also wants to create it.

Our whole life consists of many meetings and partings. Some people come to it for a long time, while others only to visit. All we can do is keep pleasant memories in our memory. Therefore, do not waste your time on anger and resentment at your ex-husband. The past, alas, does not change. But now you can open your heart to something new and beautiful.

Irina, Moscow