Pledge healthy relationships - this is the correct and harmonious distribution of rights and obligations between spouses.
The role of a man and a woman in a family is historically defined in view of biological prerequisites, psyche, and social nature.
The modern world is strikingly different from the primitive communities in which the image of the family was formed. But to completely ignore the natural pattern of interaction between a man and a woman, drastically changing roles - detrimental to marriage.
Who is the head of the family?
Any community of people need a leaderwho will coordinate actions, resolve disputes, and then take responsibility for the consequences of decisions taken.
The same principle works in the family. Only here in the family of the "leader" is called the "head of the family."
But the primacy does not mean that the word of the leader is indisputable law for all households.
Family members have the right to make suggestions, reject or accept the opinion of the head of the family, give advice, etc. And the spouse who plays the role of leader must listen to everyone’s opinion and then work out compromise solution.
In questions that do not imply a compromise or an unequivocal answer, the word of the head of the family will be decisive. This is a responsible and heavy privilege.
Traditionally, the head of the family is a man who for many centuries was breadwinner and protector. But in the conditions of modern economic and social equality of the sexes, the notion of “head of the family” has changed (and in some families it has been abolished).
Leader can be:
- hidden
- explicit.
Explicit the head of the family is the spouse whose leadership is recognized by all members of the family.
He directs all processes within the cell of society openly and with legitimate rights.
Hidden a leader is a spouse who positions himself as a “lower rank”, but at the same time, with the help of manipulations or by agreement, he promotes his opinions and decisions through a clear leader.
Very well this moment can be traced through the saying “Husband - head, wife - neck. Where the neck turns, head there and look. "
Those. often in families palm is in the hands of a man. A wise woman agrees with the routine, but pushes the spouse to such conclusions, which she considers to be true. "He speaks with the lips of his husband and creates with the hands of her husband."
Gender roles
Family systems are based on gender roles.. These roles are formed under the influence of the cultural norms of society and are a kind of "cliches" of behavior, dictating to the participants of the society the standards of behavior.
Entering into a family relationship, a person already understands what role he will occupy. What you can do and what you can not do.
So little girls from a young age they explain that in the future they will become wives and guardians of the hearth.
BUT boys They talk about the need to develop physical strength and master the profession in order to protect and support the family.
This also includes installations of the type “a woman should not argue with men, with such a character you will receive from a husband” or “you can’t pull girls by the pigtails, you are the future head of the family, you have to protect the weaker sex”.
Purpose and Functions
Men
Material security. The duty of a man in a family is the material support of the social unit. Income should cover all the basic expenses of a modern family (food, housing, clothing, room services, etc.).
Of course, sometimes a woman earns more than her husband. But a man who cannot give birth and breastfeed children is ideally suited to the role of a breadwinner (and most likely will try on her when his wife goes on maternity leave, even being economically passive).
Social preconditions also dictate their conditions, and more responsible and highly paid positions are often offered to the stronger sex.
Protection. Family protection is an important function. Men are stronger than women physically. They are also more emotionally balanced and have a mathematical mindset.
Therefore, this representative of the stronger sex in the event of danger will take the blow, whether it is a blow in the literal or figurative sense.
The spouse should not shift responsibility for solving problems to the fragile wife.
Solving technical issues (household function). Everything is quite simple here. A man must repair the shelf in time, connect a new washing machine, and solve problems with leaking batteries.
Strategic function. A man is a strategist by nature. He must address important issues for the family with his wife. But, as a rule, women simply offer options and an overall picture of problem solving. And men build strategies, an exact plan of action, etc.
Internal function A father should be family oriented, even to a lesser extent than a woman. A man spends most of his life at work, being at home only in the evenings.
But when he spends time with his family, he should delve into the internal affairs, joys and disappointments as much as possible.
Parenting - This is a jeweler's work, which the mother is engaged in. It is the woman who daily adjusts the behavior of the child, using for this encouragement / punishment / explanation.
But a man should not ignore the child. He sets the course for education, assesses the child’s behavior, and in some cases even represents the “highest court” or “capital punishment” as an authoritative member of the family.
Women
Playback function A woman carries and gives birth to children, nurtures and raises them.
This feature is only available to the beautiful half of humanity.
And since the ladies are more family oriented, they invest more time and effort directly in the education than the man. Sitting on maternity leave, the woman is with the baby constantly.
And the man who at this time financially provides for his family does not have the opportunity to devote a lot of time to the child.
Household function. If a man traditionally decides in the family technical issues and problems that require the application of physical strength, then the woman watches comfort. Cooking, washing, ironing and cleaning fall on the fragile shoulders of his wife.
But even if a woman entrusts all the work to domestic staff, she must “invest” in the creation of comfort.
Fresh flowers on the windowsill, new curtains or embroidered napkins on the table create the feeling that the hostess had a hand in everything.
Save function A man is an aggressor who achieves his goals and spends energy in the external environment. In the family, his energy is replenished and saved by a woman. She does this through affection, encouragement, admiration, stimulation.
List of responsibilities
Duties of a man:
- earn and cover all the basic needs of the family;
- ensure the safety of each family member;
- to give the wife the freedom to choose (to earn or be a housewife), but at the same time to ensure stability in the family, regardless of choice;
- to participate in the upbringing of children;
- take care of relatives (both your own and your wife’s relatives);
- pay attention to his wife, noting her merits and contribution to the family.
Responsibilities women:
- housekeeping (cooking, maintaining order, etc.);
- activity (the wife is not obliged to provide for her family and work, but should have a passion not to get bogged down in everyday life);
- parenting;
- husband's emotional support;
- maintaining the moral character of the family.
How to distribute?
We are all different and unique. There is no single sharing of family responsibilities..
For example, somewhere a spouse loves to repair household appliances and literally meditates during this process, and her husband does not like to mess with household appliances.
In another family the man cooks well and from early childhood he dreamed of becoming a cook.
But his wife is so tired because of the care of two years old, that he categorically refuses to cook.
And in each of these situations spouses satisfied with their duties.
So how to distribute responsibilities? Take as a basis the traditional pattern of distribution of responsibilities in the family (for men and women).
Adjust this scheme based on what each spouse prefers to do. And of course, do not forget to help your soulmate, “replacing” your loved one in certain positions if necessary.
Example: The wife in the family prepares, and the husband picks up the children from school. But one day a man was detained at work.
The mother went to pick up the babies, having spent three hours on this (the spouse left in a car in the morning, and the spouse went by public transport). By the return of the family, the man had already managed to prepare dinner, as he had got home a little earlier than his wife.
The presented example perfectly illustrates how to properly distribute responsibilities in the family, based on the principle of mutual aid.
Role table
Main family roles:
The man | Woman |
breadwinner | housewife |
defender | mother |
head of the family | wife |
This is the basic scheme on which the distribution of roles is based, and based on which you can achieve family harmony.
Distribution techniques
There are many methods for assigning roles and their respective responsibilities in the family. But three methods are universal:
- Qualitative. In this case, the roles are distributed directly. Suitable for families in which clearly delineate positions. Those. if a man is named the breadwinner, the woman becomes the keeper of the hearth and integration into unusual roles does not occur.
- Quantitative. The scheme is suitable for families in which roles are not clearly defined. For example, both spouses are working, and accordingly both are earners. It is necessary to determine the extent to which each will be invested in the family budget. If a man provides basic needs (food, furnishings in the apartment, utilities, etc.), then the woman spends money on family vacations, joint trips to a restaurant.
Resource allocation options may vary, but the essence of the methodology is in the distribution of responsibilities.
- Integration. This technique implies mutual aid and the distribution of responsibilities on the principle of "master and slave." For example, a woman in the family cooks, performing the role of the keeper of the hearth. She can always involve her husband in this process, asking him to cut onions, remove pasta from the stove, or wipe the table after making cakes. A man, engaged in the repair of furniture, may ask his wife to paint the legs at the children's bed, while he will cut out a new back. Those. duties during such work are not “divided into two” in the usual sense. The one who helps is not responsible for the result and does not intrude on foreign “territory”. It simply facilitates the tasks of the spouse, performing the assigned amount of work.
The reasons and value of their change
Family roles may change as at the request of the spouses (everything is clear here), so forcedly.
If a man has always supported a family, and a woman has been sitting with children, in the event of a work injury, the spouse will change roles.
A woman can get promoted while pregnant and start earning more than her spouse. In this case, the family will It’s beneficial for a man to take maternity leave and the woman became the breadwinner of the family.
Separate topic - imbalance in the family. When a woman does not want to take on the role of protector, but due to the infantilism of her husband she has to do it. Or a man, living with a lazy woman, performs the entire amount of homework for her.
Such situations require correction and, in the absence of progress, lead to divorce.
Change roles - this is not always bad. The main thing is that everything happens by mutual agreement and does not cause discomfort to family members. Well, where love reigns, you can always agree and come to a common decision.
About the role of men and women in the family in this video:
