How to forgive the betrayal of his wife and whether to save the marriage

To male changes in society are loyal than to women. "Just think, I went to the left. All of them are like that," comforts the friends to the cheating spouse. At the same time, for a man, the infidelity of a spouse can be a serious blow. How to forgive the betrayal of his wife and whether to save the marriage after that?

Why did she change

It is believed that polygamy is inherent in a strong half of humanity, and nothing can be done about it. But in fact, statistics suggests otherwise! Representatives of the company Durex funded the study, during which it became clear that of all the women surveyed, as many as 40% cheated on their husbands. At the same time, out of the male focus group, only 30% of the respondents boasted “sideways” adventures.

The girls who confessed to adultery, cited the following reasons for their action:

lack of attention;
the lack of regular intimate relationships with her husband;
financial instability in the family;
the desire to diversify their lives, the thirst for new sensations;
revenge for adultery spouse;
marriage crisis;
loss of desire for her husband.

Psychologists say that in the third, seventh, and twentieth year of life, all married couples overcome a crisis related to the overestimation of values and life achievements. At this stage, the relationship of the spouses are waiting for quarrels, scandals, disagreements. It was during this period that women most often decide on treason.

"Is it possible that statistics can justify the betrayal of a person whom he trusted? To whom he let into his house, into his heart?" - may argue an offended spouse. In this article, we do not blame anyone and do not blame. But we will try to help survive the betrayal of the wife of those affected by this problem.

Can I forgive cheating on my wife

Men are more difficult to experience the infidelity of their life partner, because it will humiliate him in the eyes of other people. More often women close their eyes to the adventures of the spouse and, this is considered normal. For a patient spouse in society there will be a lot of excuses, such as: "All men walk," "You can forgive for the sake of children", "I came back to her anyway, which means I did not find it better." A woman who has forgiven treason is also praised for showing wisdom and preserving her family.

A man who has forgiven his spouse for a walk will lose the respect of friends and colleagues. Deer, Cuckold, Rag - these are just a few examples of nicknames that they will call him behind his back. Jokes, ridicule, accusations of lack of will and other manifestations of misunderstanding by others put pressure on a person who was already in a difficult situation. Who wants to become a walking joke and lose their manliness in the eyes of others?

Therefore, if you find out about your spouse’s infidelity and know from her words that this is true, protect yourself for a while from other people. Take time out. You need to be alone with yourself, because there will be a difficult decision on which your future life will depend. You need to get an answer to the following questions:

Are you ready to cross out everything that was built before and start life from scratch?
Can you forget about treason and not remind her of her wife at every opportunity?
What feelings do you have about the intimate relationship with your spouse after adultery?

Immediately after you learned about the infidelity of his wife, most likely you experienced the devastation and rejection of the fact of the incident, which was replaced by aggression, hatred and disgust. This is likely to be followed by depression and fear of the future, amid resentment and the feeling that you have been betrayed. All these stages must be experienced. For the time you need to break up with his wife. And only "sober", free from emotions, to decide on further action.

Take a vacation at work, collect things and savings and go ... To mom? Well, I do not! In such a situation, a man needs to make an informed decision independently. You need a single tour to another country, rest in a sanatorium, in a beautiful place where you can disengage from everything and regain balance. Renting an apartment and going to a bachelor spree is not the best option. You need time spent without the opinions of other people and sympathetic views of acquaintances, alone with yourself. Make a decision only when you feel your footing again.

What if she went to another?

As you understand, before that we considered the situation when a spouse sincerely repents of his deed, and is ready to do everything for you to forgive her mistake. But in life, unfortunately, it also happens that the woman with whom you planned to meet old age, after the treachery that has opened, simply goes to her lover. What to do when, after the last family scandal, you were left alone?

Worst of all, the memories of how good everything was, the plans that were built together are still fresh. The atmosphere around also reminds of the well-established family life. Nothing foreshadowed trouble. How to survive such a blow of fate? The following tips will help ease morale in this situation:

Moving is the first thing to do. Rent the house in which you lived together for rent, and find another accommodation for yourself. You can not be in an environment in which everything reminds of a lost family. So you will never get out of depression.
Give yourself a word that in no case will you start looking for oblivion in alcohol or drugs. If it is very difficult to survive adultery and, psychotherapy brings only a minor result, it’s better to start a non-binding relationship, spend money on everything you want, go to movies and restaurants, relax in another country.
If you are haunted by the thoughts of the ex-wife and her lover, attacks of aggression at random memories of them, throw out your hatred. Sign up at the gym and every day methodically pounding a punching bag to helplessness. But in no case do not repeat this on the wrong spouse and her lover. It is punishable by law, you risk breaking your life. Well, think for yourself, is unlikely to spend five years in prison - this is your cherished dream.
Make a plan for the future life, excluding from her past family. Here you are alone. Very well! Want to build a career, earn a new car, gain muscle mass? What do you think, will there still be a marriage in your life or will you soon restrict yourself to an easy affair? Write it all down on paper.
During this period, all thoughts are helpful to trust the diary. An attack of rage? Open the notebook and write all the words that are now present in your head. Obscene language, insults, I just hate 10 times in a row ... You will feel better, after 10 minutes you will feel a surge of cheerfulness, and negative emotion will recede. Keep track of all your feelings and do it the first time with any emotions.

No matter how trite it may sound, time is the best doctor who heals for a long time, but it is effective. Significantly speed up the process can psychotherapy sessions. And another little advice that will help to let go of the situation and live on: stop perceiving your wife’s betrayal as a betrayal. Each of us lives his life and only once. She just made her choice and had the right to it. You also have the right to forgive her this act or not. In any case, you know, everything is just beginning! When one door closes, another always opens. Do not give up, after the next turn you will have another life full of joyful events and surprises!