Sooner or later, in each couple's life, Armageddon seems to come: feelings disappear, and misunderstanding and constant quarrels push something to change. What's happening? Why does a crisis in a relationship start unexpectedly? How to predict it, avoiding a break? You can become Vasilisa the Wise, having learned all about turning points and "black" intersections, if you read the article.
What is a relationship crisis?
Relationship crisis is a period when existing relationships are no longer satisfied in the form in which they are now. With the onset of the crisis, the partners can no longer live as before and need to change their usual patterns and established foundations.
Main symptoms:
- Habits of a loved one, which previously went unnoticed, are beginning to annoy
- There is a feeling that a "pink veil" was asleep, hiding up to this point the true appearance of a person.
- Sexual attraction to the partner and desire to spend time with him
- Loss of interest in the life of a loved one, in his professional or personal success.
Why is a relationship crisis coming
The relationship of two people, since its inception, are in constant development. They resemble a living organism, which changes from interference from the outside and is amenable to recovery. But if in beautiful fairy tales the prince and princess, having lived in perfect harmony with a long and happy life, hope to die in one day, then in real life everything happens differently.
It turns out that all lovers in different degrees are experiencing relationship crises, which signify that it is time for their ties to move to a new level. But what are the causes of crises? Psychologists and family counselors identify 6 typical situations that lead to a collision. They manifest themselves at different stages, not depending on the number of years lived together, nor on the age of the partners.
Uninhabited island
The most vulnerable are couples who are dissolved in each other, playing simultaneously the roles of lovers, friends, child, parent. Having created their own uninhabited island of love for two, they are not ready for change. The appearance of a third (newborn), drastic changes at work or other events that endanger their “retreat” may provoke a conflict. But most often the crisis of family relations comes because of someone's fatigue to remain "on the island."
We are different
Many refuse to accept the fact that each person is an individual and a partner cannot be our exact copy. Everyone has different biorhythms, desire, habits and views on life. In addition, there are differences between the perception of reality of men and women.
What is considered normal for him, she perceives with hostility. “After sex, he immediately goes to bed, and I want to talk about something!”, “She doesn’t ever praise me for my efforts!”, “The way he used to eat is unbearable!” ... beloved, lead to conflict and separation.
Money is everything?
Lack of money for a modern couple is a serious cause of quarrels, because it limits the possibilities. But, why at the initial stage “with sweet and paradise in a hut”, and now the lack of funds - issue number 1 on the agenda? Psychologists say that this is just a reason behind which there is a desire to get more warmth or attention. After all, in fact, harmonious relations are ready to meet with real financial difficulties, as well as to search for a way out of a difficult situation. If not, then the problem is probably not in bank notes.
Lack of communication
To get to know each other, to understand yourself, to maintain interest in a partner, it is desirable to communicate more. The idea that all words have been spoken long ago, themes are discussed, and the answers are known in advance, leads to the fact that everyone lives his life next to his beloved, and not with him.
Endless plans
Some couples begin life together with careful planning for the future. Feelings and emotions are enough to joyfully determine what to strive for. But as soon as the intoxicating love fades away, the clearly marked reference points begin to depress, and the path to them seems meaningless. Having tied ourselves to the goals of acquiring housing, having a baby, buying a car, we lose interest in today. Everyone begins to make plans within himself, realizing that he can better realize himself.
With the flow
The power of love is too exaggerated, because for a perfect relationship only her alone is not enough. Starting a joint path, both are confident that everything should turn out by itself. But in reality, everything happens exactly the other way around - if you do not make efforts to create a strong family, going with the flow, you do not know where you can be tomorrow.
The results of work to achieve harmony in all spheres of life of lovers are not immediately visible, but they have to work continuously. Reluctance to wait and the desire to have all cause another crisis of relations.
Regardless of the reasons for the turning points in family life, each crisis ends either with a break in relations or a transition to a new level.
Crisis periods of relationship development
Psychologists say that the relationship between men and women go through certain stages of development. They are characterized by periodic ebbs and flows, when irritation and a succession of recriminations give way to a surging passion.
Deep love
This stage is characterized by a sharp emotional rise of both sides and the emergence of an irresistible attraction. It is at this stage that partners accomplish unpredictable actions, being interested only in their half. As a rule, reality is distorted, and each other’s shortcomings fade into the background.
Sobering
Gradually, the feelings cool down, landing the beloved to reality. The level of hormones decreases, the general condition returns to normal. The image of the chosen one seems to be no longer so ideal, and the desire to be constantly together is replaced by the desire to defend the boundaries of its territory, opinion, habits.
If both scores turn out to be strong personalities, the collision cannot be avoided. According to psychologists, this is a normal reaction to a surge of love, which can be compared with the hangover syndrome that surged after noisy merriment. But it is necessary for the partner to appear next, as the feelings return with the same fervor.
Rejection or study
The third step of the relationship carries the first serious danger of separation. Emotions cool down, the pink veil and past romance are no more, and the flaws are visible even clearer. The realization that the partner did not coincide with the expected ideal leads to constant irritation, quarrels and the proposal to “take a break from the relationship”.
The appearance of an orchestra alone is not enough to overcome psychological discomfort. A push is needed to reconcile: a bouquet of flowers, an unusual gift or other tokens. Having studied each other enough, everyone makes a fateful decision - to reject or accept.
Convergence
Having passed the dangerous stage, the relationship goes to a new level and begins its development in another direction. Habits, character traits and shortcomings of the other are no longer annoying, and the main goal is not a desire to remake a partner, but the search for compromises.
There is another side to the coin - quarrels, quarrels are sharper, in which each strives to give examples of "atrocities" from the past. As soon as someone one leaves, repentance begins, the balance is gradually restored. During this period, the couple acquires the main thing - patience, and it is the first sign of the birth of true love.
Cooperation
The period is marked by the attainment of equilibrium. What does it mean? Having studied and accepted the partner as he is, the lovers begin to understand each other more. There are warm friendships that contribute to the strengthening of love. Everyone wants to take care of the second half, is interested in her professional achievements, her state of health.
The crisis of relations at this stage can provoke a conflict that has arisen, as they say, "out of the blue." Everyone is confident in their importance and is not going to make concessions. The danger is that now all the sick and the weak points are known. Pressing them on someone in a fit of anger is not difficult, and the offended side, taking it as a low blow, can not forgive.
The stage of cooperation is a period of maturity, but no one is insured from the partings that occur on it often enough.
Mutual respect
After going through all the steps listed above, the couple is ready to go into family life or break off relationships. These two cardinal directions arise from the fact that it is time to change their roles, moving to the status of husband and wife, and eventually the parents.
If both are ready for this, then the crisis will pass unnoticed, as the partners learned to respect each other and value for internal qualities, and not for concrete actions. The union becomes like a strong and friendly team, ready to overcome any difficulties together.
Level of trust, understanding, mutual respect can be a reliable foundation for creating a family and returning emotions of the first stage.
A relationship crisis is only a turning point that most couples face and which can, if there is a desire on both sides, be overcome. Here are the main causes of crises and the main stages of the relationship between a man and a woman, knowing about which it will be much easier to bypass the traps.
