Succeeding, recognizing and taking "professional tops" are not those who are more talented. The one who is confident is winning. If you desperately strive for something, but internally consider yourself unworthy of success, failure is assured. How to overcome self-doubt before it ruins your life?
How does self-doubt manifest itself
To begin with, let's define what we are dealing with. What is self-doubt? This self-identification is less attractive, intelligent, talented than others. It is difficult for an uncertain person to believe that he can complete the work he has begun, to achieve success. He believes that he is not worthy of the same as other people.
At the moment when an important event, interview, public speaking or decision-making is awaiting, the insecure person feels significant discomfort. Physiologically, this is manifested as follows:
-
nervous tremor, tremor; - increased sweating;
- dry mouth;
- overexcitement or, conversely, depressed state;
- slight incoordination, speech retardation.
nervous tremor, tremor;A person literally "leaves the earth under his feet" at a crucial moment, and he ceases to think something. The desire not to stand out, to be "quieter than water, below the grass" is also inherent in insecure people. It is easier to give up what you want than to go through a personal hell, woven out of self-doubt and fear. In many cases, a person cannot objectively assess the causes of his emotional state, thoughts, actions. Necessarily need the help of a psychologist, it is very difficult to handle it yourself.
The reason for this condition lies in the complexes that are born as a result of serious upheavals, cardinal changes in life (for example, the death of a loved one who was a support in everything, moving, etc.). But most often the origins of self-doubt must be sought in childhood.
Why don't you believe in yourself?
Unconfident people often have to overcome states of emotional depression, they are prone to depression, depression. Indeed, it is hard to enjoy life when you consider yourself unworthy of happiness. Such a person looks at others with surprise. Many have the same basic data, but at the same time love themselves and succeed. Why is this happening?
In childhood, there is the formation of self-esteem. A preschooler assesses himself on the basis of his attitude to those around him. Authority for him are parents. If they tell a child that he is smart, handsome, good, then he considers himself as such. They scold, they say that he is a hooligan, ill-mannered - the kid considers himself bad.
Time passes, the child becomes an adult, but this pattern remains in the head. Praise means good; they say that ugly or stupid means bad and not worthy of happiness. It is here that lies the reason why an insecure person avoids decision-making, public speaking, responsibility, etc. After all, in all these situations, others will evaluate it. And what if he fails?
He is sure of himself who, from childhood, was told that he is good by default and he does not need to prove it every day. The one who was surrounded by love, who was praised for success and did not oppress for failure, becomes a self-sufficient and self-confident person in adulthood.
Is it possible to conquer self-doubt?
If the problem comes from childhood, it does not at all mean that it is absolutely impossible to solve it in adulthood. Of course, each situation requires an individual approach, and it is better to contact a specialist. But, if there is no such possibility, our advice will help to become more self-confident:
- Do not deprive yourself of the right to make a mistake.
Even the most successful person from time to time comprehend failures. Well, it is impossible to always do everything perfectly. Top models stumble on the podium, famous singers do not fall into the notes, businessmen make bad deals, lovers make mistakes in choosing a life partner. And this is absolutely normal! All calmly continue to live on, no worse. Learn to treat failures, how to the necessary life experience, the usual ordinary situations (because that is how it is!). Allow yourself to be wrong!
Every time you have the fear of making an important decision or public speaking, ask yourself: "What will happen if I don’t cope with the task? What is the worst option?" Deal with a possible failure. In the end, you will not die, you will not be cut off your leg or arm, you will not take a loved one hostage, and all the rest is nonsense!
- Do not evaluate yourself based on the judgments of others.
Each of us in one team may be a leader, and in the other - an outsider, if in the first case he finds himself in the circle of like-minded people, and in the second version - among people whose views and interests are radically different from his own. Therefore, to consider yourself not smart enough, beautiful, interesting interlocutor only, based on someone else's assessment - is stupid.
Under any circumstances, do not change your attitude towards yourself for the worse. Even if others do not hide their hostility towards you, do not betray yourself. Work on your mistakes, but remember: the reason can not be only in you. First of all, look who and what tells you, perhaps personal hostility is just a consequence of the complexes of people who surround you.
- Learn to love yourself.
The really difficult task is to accept yourself with all the flaws, complexes, bad inclinations. It’s not easy to stop blaming yourself for insecurity and mistakes. Suddenly you will not be able to love yourself if self-doubt and an inferiority complex have long been rooted in your mind. But it is vital!
No one will love you until you love yourself. "And why love me?" - ask an insecure person. They love not for something, they love unconditionally. To those who did not receive unconditional love in childhood, unfortunately, it is difficult to understand. Always for the love of the same parents, they had to meet their expectations: study well, help around the house, etc.
Your body, appearance, character, voice, demeanor and speech - this is something that belongs only to you. Everything can be improved if you make some effort. But first, love yourself. Other people enter and leave your life while you remain. Therefore, value yourself higher than others. Yoga and meditation will help to find peace and come to self-awareness.
Leave the comfort zone!
The concept of a "comfort zone" has already turned up the edge, but still - get out of the safe haven, take a chance! Reconsider the movie “Always say yes!” With Jim Carrey. Try to embody the main idea in your life, just do not bring it to the point of absurdity, of course. It is impossible to overcome self-doubt if you avoid situations that cause you discomfort.
Are you worried about public speaking? Try to take the floor more often at meetings, to toast at celebrations, etc. At first, most likely, it will not work. But for the third - the fourth time you will feel more confident. If you have a fear of promotion - ask for a more responsible position from the authorities. And you will understand that everything is not so scary.
Self-doubt prevents you from being truly happy. Authorship of all the great creations, discoveries and accomplishments belongs to the same ordinary people as you and I. Open to the world and you will get much more from it than you can give it!
