Is it true that a pause in a relationship is an indicator of union instability?
You and your partner decided that it would be good to make a pause in a relationship, but you do not know how to do it right and whether it is really necessary.
What does it mean?
Relationships develop in stages. AT crisis periods people see the faults of another person as much as possible.
It becomes impossible to be near, to lead a joint life, to sleep in the same bed. The irritation comes, conflicts become frequent.
As a result, appears desire to part with a partner, since being in a state of constant war is quite difficult and exhausting the nervous system.
Feelings can not always be permanent. In the beginning between you there is love, romanticism and spirituality. But the stage comes when rejection partner
At this time, many and decide to leave, instead of going through a crisis period, to understand yourself and a loved one.
Love disappears, in the relationship there is a feeling of alienation, hostility towards a loved one, I want to leave him.
Partners decide for some time to live separately, not to see each other, not even to call and write. This and called a pause in a relationship. You do not part completely, but give yourself and your loved one the opportunity to relax and rethink what is happening.
What is it for?
Is it really needed? Pause allows take a different look at your relationship.
Having stayed away from your partner, you understand whether you really want to return or freedom and living without him is much more comfortable for you.
If people love each other, they will strive resume contact, change for the sake of preserving the union.
If you take a pause, then it should not be just a rest, when you suddenly start meeting with other people and look for a replacement partner, namely the opportunity to rethink the current relationship.
Why do I need a pause:
- take a break from a partner;
- see if you want to return to it;
- understand how you feel more comfortable - together or apart;
- reassess your relationship with a loved one;
- to reassess your goals, desires, aspirations, how consonant with the goals of another person, and whether you really follow the path.
Unfortunately, most often the desire to take a pause is an indication that there are problems in a couple and it’s easier to leave as a solution than to sit at the negotiating table.
Should I take a break?
The question is quite complicated. Each union is individual.
It is impossible to specifically say: "yes, it is." Some people have a hard time even parting for a couple of days.
Here, of course, another problem - emotional dependence on a partner, which also need to get rid of.
The other one will calmly disperse and for the whole time of parting and will not remember about a loved one.
A pause is worth making if you realize that it will really benefit. I.e there must be a specific goal.
It needs to be discussed with the other party, and not just to say: let's part for a month.
At the same time, the partner should be agreed not to inflict psychological and emotional trauma on him.
Is this salvation or abyss?
Let's think about whether a pause will save your relationship. You leave with a partner, stop seeing each other, you do not have physical and emotional contact. First as a rule man misses.
He is used to being close to him, and seeks to return to his usual state.
It also happens that there is relief. This means that you are not just tired of your partner, but you don’t feel real affection for him.
Will a break be a salvation for your union? It is likely that in the end you or your partner will decide not to return.
It turns out that you much better alone or during this time there will be a person with whom you will have a new relationship.
If love and affection are strong enough, then you will want to return, and often this happens before the end of the deadline.
However, practice shows that the desire to take a pause is an alarming signal, indicating that there is no mutual understanding in a couple and people simply do not want to work on relationships and develop them.
What should it be in time?
You have decided to take a break, and then the question arises: a how much time should it be?
In each case, this is solved individually.
A week - a small enough period for which you understand yourself, but these days you can rest. You can go on a business trip, spend a vacation separately, go to visit relatives. This will not be considered a full pause.
The most acceptable time is two weeks. During this period, the rethinking of values begins, you understand whether you really miss your partner.
It is important to know that the human psyche is designed in such a way that after about 21 days gets used to the current state. That is, after three weeks, you or your partner may begin to understand that living separately is more comfortable and quieter.
The maximum term of a break is 4-5 weeks. If you live separately for more than a month, then we can already assume that you do not have a pause in a relationship, and you come to the state of separation.
Psychology tips
What to do and how to behave, if suddenly a loved one asked for a break in relationship?
Timeout girl-initiated
The girl suddenly announces that she wants to live separately for some time.
Most likely, for you it will be a shock. But if you think alarms were already a long time ago, you just did not pay attention to her behavior and words.
When a partner asks for a pause, no one has the right to hold it, but nevertheless it is worth finding out the reasons:
- To talk. Do not let go of the person without finding out that he really does not like it. Many problems are silenced, and as a result, people lose mutual understanding. If a break is needed in order to change something, then it is important to know what it is. Let the girl tell you what exactly does not suit her, why she wants to take a break, what eventually should happen.
The pause should be focused, and not just because people are tired.
- Try to understand her. Lack of mutual understanding is one of the reasons why people break up. They do not want to see a partner, to assess his needs. Selfishness in relationships is the worst assistant and destroyer of any union.
- Conflict is not the best way to sort things out. Some people, when they are offered to take a break, begin to find out what the problem is, with a raised tone, as a result, the relationship does not pause, but is completely interrupted.
- If a person really wants to leave, let go. You can not hold it if the decision is made.
Give the man a break
For men, this practice most common.
By nature, he is independent, striving for conquest, including the opposite sex.
There is a category of men who simply cannot live long in stable relationships, they need diversity. An attempt to leave, to rest - is an indicator that a person is not really ready for a serious alliance.
What to do if a man offered to terminate a relationship for a while?
- Do not Cry. Tears do not help. Most men do not like when a woman cries. Moreover, the depressive state of the girl pushes away, causes desire to run.
Trying to cause pity and forcing to stay, you will not achieve anything, except for a small delay. If a man really decided to leave, then sooner or later he will do it.
He can collect things suddenly, without explaining anything - in this case it is a manipulative move, and you should think about whether you need a person who wants to manipulate you.
- Try to figure out the cause of the act. A person may not want to leave just like that, there is always some motive behind this. Finding out why there is a need to leave is important because you need to understand, and what the man wants from you, that you may have to change in yourself.
- Assign a specific term. The answer: “how it will turn out” is not an answer, but an alarming signal that a man does not seek to maintain relationships, but, quite likely, a pause is a pretext for leaving.
- Let go. Each of us is free to choose. If a person wants to leave, nothing will delay him. If he decides to make contact on the side, then this is only his decision.
- Do not start immediately nazvanivat, demanding to return and arranging tantrums. You can do the following: a couple of days to write: "hello, I love you" or "I miss", "today is a beautiful day, and I remembered about you." It is important not to bother a person, but at the same time make it clear that he is valued. The best tactic is not to give any signals at all and take up your life. Perhaps, after the end of the pause, you yourself do not want to take the person back.
If the partner suddenly left suddenly, it was only his decision, without your consent, then maintain dignity - do not impose, do not ask to return.
To arrange tantrums and disassembly, to run after him - worst case development of events.
This will only lead to the fact that he will limit the contact as much as possible. Very often, the desire to take a break - an attempt to prove their superiority, manipulation method. So do the same - wait, whether the partner wants to make contact himself and what he will do.
One thing, if a pause by mutual decision.
You just come back at the appointed time, talk, tell each other that you understood how you felt apart from your loved one and find out do you want to renew the relationship.
More difficult if the partner left himself, without explaining the reasons. In this case, first of all you have to decide whether you need a person who does not count at all with you?
If he allowed himself to treat your feelings so scornfully once, then it is likely that the situation has recurred.
Remember, in any relationship, you should value not only a partner, seeking to keep him, but also preserve your dignity and some degree of independence.
Opinion psychologist about the pause in the relationship:
