Relationships between fathers and children are very complex. Often, dads are not as close with their children as moms are.
And wives, in turn, are unhappy with how father takes part in raising baby
What to do in this situation? How to make a man spend more time with his child?
Causes of male behavior
Why the husband is not interested in the child and does not help in education?
Known that men and women totally different perceive birth own children.
Even if the father is the most caring and gets along well with the child, he still does not do it the way his mother does.
The father usually does not seek to once again take his child in his arms, read him a fairy tale, go somewhere together and so on. is he rarely take initiative.
Unfortunately, there are very few women who are satisfied with how her husband takes part in raising a child. Often it is the lack of action on the part of the pope that causes serious family quarrels.
It is worth noting that nature laid down the fact that men are less adapted to care. They have lowered prolactin levels, which is called the "hormone of care."
With the advent of the child, the level rises a little, but it's still not enough in order to take care of the child that the mother does.
However sad it may sound, it is better not to hope initiallythat the husband will devote all his time to the child and jump around him with toys.
Men and women, in principle, treat children differently and perceive them differently.
Statistics says that only 33% of men want to become a father consciously, 67% feel fear when they begin to realize that they will soon have a child.
They also say that mothers love their children simply because it is, she is not important his successes and achievements.
Fathers, in turn, love their children, especially for boys, because they achieve their father’s goals.
For example, they successfully play football. They start appreciate and love your child just like thatwhen it turns 12-14 years old. Father's love wakes up when a child reaches adolescence.
Most men express their fatherly feelings in a more mature age. As they grow older, they begin to regret that they spent little time with their children in their childhood, that they did not care for them the way they needed it.
What if husband?
When the husband spends little time with the child, the wives start to worry and try to change it with all their might. What to do in those or other situations like make a man spend more time with his baby?
Not interested in the child
Mothers often complain that fathers show no interest in newborn baby and fear what will happen next if even now the baby does not interest him.
Well, for starters, it is worth considering that in this there is a share of the guilt of the mother.
After all, as you know, in the first time after the birth of a child, mother pays all her attention to him and generally does not let anyone to him, sometimes even his father, instructing him to do household chores.
Therefore, dad can get used to this deal of affairs and subsequently think that his help is needed only in business affairs. Everything else, it happens that the fathers wake up feeling jealous, because the wife is now all the time gives the child, and the husband goes to the background.
Psychologists are advised to establish contact between father and child from the very first minutes of a baby’s life.
After all, some fathers want to wait for the moment when the child will at least understand something and only then begin to establish contact with them. But this is a mistake. This should be done as early as possible..
As soon as the child is born, you must allow your father to do it. It is desirable that they spend as much time as possible together. Let dad help in everythingthat is associated with a child: swaddle, bathe, lull, etc.
It is necessary that he talk more with him, the baby needs to hear the voice of the pope. Have them should make contactwhich will subsequently affect their relationship as a whole.
Does not deal with children
Unfortunately, fathers often do not show proper interest in the child’s life, even if they are not divorced from his mother and live under one roof.
Sometimes, the husband does not deal with the child because he works a lot or thinks that his business is to ensure a good financial position of the family, and the rest will be done by wife.
- In no case you can’t speak to a man in an authoritative tonethat he should spend more time with the child.
It is necessary to do it more gently, as if to advise that the child needs fatherly attention, you can use the relationship of some acquaintances or friends as an example.
- It is necessary to teach the father to be with children from the first minutes of the child’s life. Husband need to show that trust him baby.
- Need to praise husband for his actions and initiative, he must know that he is doing everything right.
- Can make some family traditions. For example, every Saturday you can watch movies and cartoons for the whole family, and on Sunday you can go to an institution together.
Does not want to help in education
Sometimes the husband flatly refuses to help with the affairs that are associated with children.
Partly to blame the wife. Since the birth of the child, most moms do not trust their husband to care for children.
They fear that they will do something wrong. A man, seeing all this, gets used to this situation, and already when his wife needs help, he simply does not want to do it.
- On duties better negotiate before the baby is born. It is possible to distribute household chores and care for children on an equal footing. Specify in advance who and what will do. Subsequently, no need to demand more, except in emergency situations with a complete blockage.
- If the husband refuses to help, for a start, you need talk to him.
It should tell you how hard it is to take care of children and household chores, to detail the daily routine.
- To be persuasive for one day change roles with my husband. Let him do all the work of the mother all day.
- Can agree: if the husband does not want to help with the child at all, let him do all the household chores (cooking, cleaning, washing, etc.) or vice versa.
Swear at the son or the daughter
If the husband is cursing all the time with the child, you need to do something about it, because it is known that children copy the behavior of their parents.
In a short time, the child will begin to express obscenities in kindergarten or school.
Wean husband's cursing at the child, it can be difficult. Need to talk to him say about the consequences of such behavior.
If it came to such that the child already repeats swear words after the father and copies his behavior, it is worth sending the father more often to walk with the baby.
It is necessary to draw his attention to how the child behaves, to show that the husband behaves this way, and that just repeats after him.
Let him talk with the teacher or the child’s teacher, learn how he behaves in everyday life. It is necessary to discuss with the husband what cannot be expressed in children, because it badly affects their behavior.
The child does not understand what he says bad words, and if you explain this to him, he can still continue to behave this way. It is easier to wean the swearing of an adult than a child.
Screaming at the child
Men are by nature more rude and demanding in matters of education, I eat mom.
If the cry on the child is not supported by cruelty, then it is normal when the father slightly raises his voice.
Set the rulesIn which it will be said, for what you can scold the child, and for what not. If dad screams at the child when the tired one comes home from work and is annoyed with something, the kid climbs to him with his questions.
At such moments better smooth corners. It is possible for this time to take something baby, so he did not bother dad.
If the husband overdoes with shouts, it is worth talking to him. Ask how he wants to be remembered by his children. How he wants them to respond when they grow up. After all, children remember everything, and then may be different to the father.
It is necessary to respect the views of the husband on the education of children, more praise him. Do not complain to him about children.
Former husband does not communicate with the child
Unfortunately, after the divorce, most fathers forgets that they have a child. Communication is reduced to a minimum, or even everything is completely replaced with alimony once a month.
But the child does not understand why dad suddenly suddenly ceased to take part in his life, he might even start blaming yourself for it. But what to do in this situation?
- Dad - one of the main people in a child's life, he needs to know that his father needs him, that he did not abandon him. It is necessary to inform the child every time when dad was interested in him, to give him every “hello”.
- Need to invite dad for all the holidays that occur in the child's life. On matinees in kindergarten, performance at school and of course birthday. More inform the father about the success of the child and everything that happens in his life. This will help to arouse interest in him.
- Let father picks up the baby for some weekend or together they will celebrate several holidays of the year.
If he does not want to do this, you can ask him about it, citing the fact that the mother has urgent business on the weekend, and there is no one to sit with the child. Perhaps he will wake up his father's feelings.
- Do not tell children that Dad will come soon, if this does not happen. The child will wait all the time. what will not happen. This can badly affect his mental health.
- And most importantly - I need to talk to my father. Explain that the child loves him, that it is extremely important for him that his father be in his life, take an interest in him and take care of him.
Prevention problems
How to prepare a husband in advance to help with the child? Some men, when they hear that they will soon become a father, get scared.
Because of fear, they can do nothing and take the position in which they completely refuse to help in those matters that are related to the baby. But what to do? How to prepare a husband for fatherhood?
- still during pregnancy you need to involve a man in all things related to the baby. He must understand that he is responsible for the life and well-being of this baby;
- need to go to the doctor togetherlet the father see how his child develops;
- also shopping together in search of clothes and necessary goods for the child;
- can make repairs together in the nursery, buy and assemble furniture, etc .;
- sign up together and take a course of young parentsthere is a lot to learn, especially for dads;
Some courses have a separate program that helps men realize the full responsibility of fatherhood.
- let the future dad all the time talking to baby through the bellyalso strokes and kisses him. Even in the womb, hearing the voice of the pope, the baby will establish a connection with him.
You can always make your father communicate with his children more. It is important to find the right approach and get everything right. After all, it is very important for childrenso that not only mom was near, but dad too.
Tips for a psychologist on how to involve a husband in communication with a child:
