Divorce is difficult period in human lifewhich usually nobody wants to face.
But anything happens in life. Let's see what to do if you are faced with such an unpleasant life circumstance.
Stages of experience
Family life, no matter how long it lasts, has for a person spiritual and emotional meaning.
And often such a shock, like a divorce, is perceived as death.
After all, it's a kind of death relationship. In this regard, there are the following stages of experiencing a divorce:
- Negation. It is rather difficult to reconcile with the separation and departure of a loved one. Therefore, you may think that everything will work out and divorce will be avoided. Most likely you will try to keep him, hope for the resumption of relations. Also, this stage may appear opposite. You can say that nothing terrible happened. In this case, you will in every possible way ignore the situation, block your emotions, try to convince yourself and others that you are indifferent to a divorce.
- Resentment and anger. You are finally aware that divorce is unavoidable. Emotions take over and there is a pronounced resentment, turning into irritability or anger. You are angry at yourself, at your partner and even at others.
This stage is very important to survive, but the main thing is not to get stuck in it. Otherwise, you will remain offended and will not be able to find peace of mind and happiness.
- Bargaining or negotiation. You have found the strength and moved to the next stage. In this situation, you recognize the fact of a divorce and are not annoyed because of this, but you still have not reconciled yourself in your soul. In this situation, you can take various attempts to return a partner. In the course can go both persuasion and manipulation. You seem to be no longer in a relationship, but still not outside of them, that is, stuck somewhere in between.
- Depression. When your denial, anger and negotiations do not bring any results, and you understand that the divorce will take place, there comes the oppressed mood, depression. You start to suffer, you feel that you don’t need anyone, you stop communicating with people.
- Adoption or adaptation. If you have coped with all the previous stages and are not stuck on any of them, then the adoption stage is finally waiting for you. This long-awaited feeling of relief when you feel that everything is behind and you are free. Increases self-esteem, returns the joy of life.
In total, all the listed stages last about a year.
If you are stuck on one of the stages and the adoption of a divorce has not come, although a couple of years have passed, you should definitely contact a psychologist. He will help you out of the vicious circle.
How do people experience a divorce on their own?
If you are the initiator of the divorce, you will a little easier to survive. Because this event is not for you suddenly, for sure you have been thinking about everything for a long time before you come to such a difficult decision.
But this does not mean that you will immediately be relieved.
You will also go through all the stages described above, it just takes much less time.
After all, even if you yourself leave a loved one with whom you have been through a lot, then longing for him cannot be avoided.
How to cope with stress?
Stress at divorce - obligatory for both parties. But you can relieve the symptoms of the experience. This is what psychologists advise:
- Do not be afraid of negative emotionsthat you have (offense, pain, anger, and so on), do not block them. Ignoring them, driving them inside, you only exacerbate the situation. So stress will only increase.
Better find a way out of negative energy, for example, sign up for a gym or go on a shooting tour.
- If you experience apathy, do not know how to live, then try to write yourself a letter to the future. Imagine yourself in a year or five years: who you are, what you do. Hope for a bright future will help you return to life.
- Do you feel that you are not coping with the situation? If you cannot find the strength in you, your appetite has disappeared or increased, there were problems with sleep and you began to visit thoughts about the meaninglessness of your life, then do not drag on, but urgently seek help from a psychologist.
Do not forget that this difficult period will surely pass and you will be able to live on without looking at the past.
Psychology tips
For men
How to safely endure a divorce from his wife?
To cope with the divorce with his wife will help the following tips:
- Switch to something. Get out of your way or find a new hobby. No matter what it is, fishing or cross-stitching, the main thing is that it should be really interesting for you and distract from thoughts about your ex-wife.
- Do not jump into the pool with your head and do not rush to go on dates with other women. You are now simply not morally ready to build a healthy relationship.
So, if you want your next family life attempt to be more successful, do not rush to arrange your personal life right away, first and foremost experience the divorce.
- Ask for help. Your family and friends will surely worry about you and will not refuse. But if you understand that the situation is too serious, then consult a psychologist.
For women
How easier to survive a divorce from her husband?
Survive the divorce from her husband will help the following tips:
- Do not hold emotions. Now you just need to speak out. Mom, sister, girlfriend or psychologist - it does not matter. Try to express everything that you think about the situation, do not keep it to yourself.
- Find a hobby. Try to do something extreme, not peculiar to you. You will receive new impressions that will help you to escape from the divorce process.
- Make sure that nothing reminds you of your former husband and marriage.. Return the husband his things, hide the gifts, remove joint photos and remove the former lover from social networks. So the experience of a divorce will be easier.
- Take time for yourself. Go to a beauty salon, make masks, go to a fitness room. Go shopping, and then look at the cinema or museum.
Spend time as you like. All this will help you to return self-esteem and feel more confident.
- Concentrate on the positive. Watch a comedy, turn on the perky music, start dancing. Pay attention, finally, how much good and interesting things are happening around while you are sitting here and are sad.
Those who can not cope
I can not survive a divorce: what to do?
In no case do not close on the divorce. Yes, for you it is a tragedy. But it needs to go through and move on. Realize and accept the fact that the divorce will happen (or has already happened) and you nothing you can do.
You and your partner experienced a lot of things, both good and bad. But now it is over and the time has come for a new stage in your life. No need to dwell on the past.
Do not close the world. Chat with family and friends, meet new people. Even if you now want to close in the apartment and not see anyone - do not do it. Better speak out and ask for help if needed.
If a lot of time has already passed, and you could not let go of this situation, then look for a good psychologist. A competent specialist will help you cope with this problem.
Divorced twice
How easy is it to survive the second divorce?
Surely you hoped that after the first divorce will be more attentive to the choice partner and everything goes great. But here and the second marriage comes to an end - a divorce is not far off.
It is even harder to cope with this, because you are no longer sure that one day you will finally meet your man and be able to live happily in a relationship. But do not be discouraged, but rather take everything into your own hands:
- Remember how experienced the first divorce. What helped you? You already have experience, so use it.
- Recall both of your marriages and analyze them.. What was wrong? Did you choose the wrong partners? Or did they themselves do something wrong? Think about it, it will help you to avoid mistakes in the future.
- Do not allow destructive thoughts. Happiness has no limits, and love, as you know, is obedient to all ages.
And in old age people meet their partners and play weddings. You have every chance of a happy life.
Those who have been married for 20-30 years
How to survive a divorce after 20 years of marriage?
It seemed you lived so much time together that could go wrong? But divorce is possible after 20 years of marriage. How to survive it?
- Do not think this is the end and that you are no longer destined to meet your man. You have every chance.
- Turn the crisis in your family life into personal growth. Look for something good in any situation and try to use everything to your advantage.
- Try to finally do what you have long wanted., but the partner did not give you. Change your hair, jump with a parachute, go on a trip, for example.
- Do not dwell on children. This is not the only thing that you have left in life.
- Do not hold partner. He has changed and is committed to something new - this is quite normal. If you threaten him and hold him forcibly, then nothing good will come of it anyway. Let him go.
How to survive a divorce after 30 years of marriage?
A divorce after 30 years of marriage is complicated by the fact that partners have a big age - about 40-50 years.
To part in such a situation is somewhat more difficult, as it seems as if life was already setting and you have no chance of meeting someone else. Yes, and so many things survived over the years: there are already established habits, children, mutual friends.
But actually it is not. You have every chance and opportunity. One should consider his age not as something oppressive, but as an experience.
Now you know what kind of person you need and how to build relationships. So do not cling to the past and move forward.
Parents of unfortunate
How to help my son survive a divorce from his wife?
If your son faced a divorce, now he just needs your support. But try not to get into their relationship, do not give advice, if he does not ask.
Come to him, talk, listen to your child.
Help him get distracted, go somewhere together. Let him know that you can rely on and that he is not alone.
How to help her daughter survive a divorce from her husband?
Your daughter, experiencing a divorce, is waiting not for moralizing and recriminations, but for care and attention.
You have life wisdom and experience, so take advantage of them and try it. cheer up, support.
Listen to her, rub off her tears, let her know that she is not alone. Help her than you can. Also try to distract her from worries about divorce and go to rest together.
Divorce is undoubtedly leaves a mark on a person’s life. But this is not the end. Life goes on. And our tips will help you quickly and easily understand this and survive the process of divorce.
How to survive a divorce? Is there life after a divorce? Opinion psychologist:
