The ability to communicate on equal terms with men of any age is not given to everyone.
We will try to understand some of the causes of difficulties that arise for women who do not want to wait for the person they like. take a step forward and start the dialogue first.
Why is it so difficult to speak first?
Usually communication stupor attacks only if you are not indifferent to the young man.
Here physiological causes are also to blame - rapid breathing and rush of blood due to the contemplation of the subject you like, and the place to remember, with ancient dust, a hidden rule that girls should not be the first to take the initiative when communicating with a member of the opposite sex.
So it turns out that sometimes even a usually brisk girl, when meeting a sweet-hearted person who does not know about her sympathy, completely “forgets” that she doesn’t crawl with others in her pocket and can tell anyone so much that will run away from her like scalded.
If it’s difficult for you to have a first conversation with all members of the opposite sex, the matter may be next:
- Upbringing Your dad is strict, and if you need to communicate with a guy or a man in your chest, a slight or even severe panic builds up automatically.
- Antipathy towards men. Age: up to a certain age, most girls consider all boys and boys to be of lower grade.
Psychological: Mom from childhood inspired that everyone who is of the other sex is bastards, or in the past had a negative experience with a guy or a man.
- Low self-esteem. If the interlocutor is considered a demigod, and you are a plebeian - because, say, he is the leader of a class or course, and you are from middle peasants who do not have knowledge and active participation in all parties, then addressing him first seems like hoo h what kind of act or even misconduct .
What you need to think before you start a conversation?
First of all, that he is not a resident of Olympus, even if he is positioning himself this way, but you are a full member of society and are entitled to speak with anyone first.
But there are a few nuances that are still worth considering. not to seem like a brainless or ill-mannered little fool:
- Do not try to break into his dialogue with someone. Especially if the guy is excited and arguing with someone from relatives, teachers. Is that you really have to say something important.
- Do not seek to start a conversation when a guy is busy with something and abstraction from the case can lead to unpleasant consequences.
- Don't start chatteringby closing your eyes or showing other signs of terrible nervous tension.
- If you see that a man is furious, do not try to pretend to be a bullfighter and seriously ask about the essence of the problem. Some guys need time to restore the ability to adequately respond to others.
And some of them do not like it at all when someone becomes a witness to the disorder that has occurred.
How to start a conversation?
You have no idea what topic you could freely communicate with a young man?
Don't necessarily try right away. touch his personal interests.
It is not always possible to pre-collect the necessary amount of information about the hobbies and hobbies of a person of interest.
But sometimes desperately you need to talk to a guy who you see for the first time, but I want to meet him so that just no urine.
So try to just talk about the weather, the situation around you in general or specifically in the classroom, office, public transport.
With a boy-neighbor or classmate
Yes, it is likely that having studied with a person, so to speak, under the same roof or lived in the same parade for several years in a row, the dialogue between you never happened.
And, most likely, the miracle will not happen until you take control of the situation.
How to fix the situation with a neighbor so that he did not suspect you of deliberate premeditation:
- Two session classic reception: first brazenly ring the doorbell and, naively slapping eyes, ask for a spoonful of salt. Do not forget to thank for the received. Seeing later, re-thank the person for their generosity. Then you can tell where to apply the loan. For example, they cooked something exotic. And invite the person to tasting or share the recipe. And if you have enough courage, then you can complete the last two points as soon as you receive such necessary salt.
- Ask for help in something, but already on your territory. For example, bring heavy bags to the kitchen, and then quickly offer coffee, tea with cookies as a reward. Or you can ask for help to hammer a carnation under the picture, pull the cat out from under the sofa, or expel the mouse or the escaped bird-eating spider from there.
In the last two cases, it is worth asking if a person has a phobia. And then anything happens, you know.
What can you talk to a classmate?
- About homework on a complex subject or one that the guy always knows on "5", but you can not and on "4" to pull.
- About the sensational behavior of someone from classmates or teachers.
- On the queue at the school buffet and the taste of today's buns.
- About the new game, if you not only know that the other person is interested in it, but you are not the last person in the games.
- About plans for the weekend, holidays, life after school.
With a fellow classmate or just a friend
Options questions in order who are you studying with?:
- Does he have a note on the topic for a certain date?
- What body will the next lecture be in?
- Does he like today's news? In this case, it is highly desirable that the news was not dirty gossip about someone from the stream.
Another thing - the message from the media about the popular singer, music band.
- How about sharing coffee before the next lecture? Like, to drink, you have a couple of tasty buns, and eating them all in one person is an unforgivable sin.
- Where did you buy such a cool and roomy backpack?
- What can you give your elder brother a birthday present?
What can you talk with a familiar guy?
- How are things with one of the common friends? Like, not seen for a long time.
- What's up? What are you doing? It seems that you are fond of something? And then make an assumption about the occupation, close to reality, or come up with something of their own. You can even fantastic. If you are in the mood for a joke, and the guy seems to have had a sense of humor.
- About his skillful actions, if they met, for example, on the sports ground, during his participation in some competitions.
- How about a snack, eat ice cream or drink a cup of coffee? I supposedly treat you on the occasion of a successful trip to the store - I saved a lot of money by buying the thing I liked for the promotion.
- How do you ..., and then discuss the architecture of the nearest building, an event that you witnessed by chance both.
With an adult man, for example, a colleague
Speak with a colleague always easier than with an unfamiliar man.
You already have something in common: the manager, the room in which you work, the tasks assigned, the elevator always crowded at rush hour, or the cafe you both visit during lunch.
The building or complex of buildings, in the end, owned by the company for which you both work.
The initiative of a colleague in the dialogue on the topic of work is always perceived as a matter of course - if you don’t start throwing mud at all at the quarry or don’t begin to confess some of your problems.
If a man does not look extremely preoccupied, that is, at the moment he is relatively free, you can to pose as an employee requiring urgent assistance with a recalcitrant pile of papers or a computer file unwilling to open.
With husband after quarrel
Best of all, if you refer to it gentle touch.
Physical contact, of course, if you are not opposed to each other at the very top of the roof, has a magical effect and helps resolve most conflicts more quickly.
What can I say to my husband?
- Ask for help to open the can or to get a heavy carcass of frozen goose from the freezer.
- Honey, I'm sorry.
- Dear, can we declare a truce?
- How do you like the idea of forgetting about this unfortunate fact, deed, case?
- I love you.
- You can continue to be angry with me, but I will not stop loving you. Have you already stopped loving me for good?
With the former
If the separation was painful, then who is right to condemn you, if you do not want to talk about anything with your ex.
If everything is already in the shower and the dialogue does not bring new unpleasant emotions, then just communicate with the former, as with an old acquaintance: politely, but without enthusiasm and spreading about events from his personal life.
Phrases examples:
- Hey. You look good.
- What a meeting! I hope all is well in your life.
- Peace to you, good man. How is the cat, bird, hamster?
- Hai! Still keen on your loved ones ...?
- Salute! What kind of people in our village and without protection. How are you? What sorrows brought you to our favorite club?
Common Communication Errors
What is not worth talking to guys if There is no understanding, than they “breathe”?
It is unlikely that the interlocutor will be interested in further communication with you, if you tell him about the purchase of makeup tones, handbags for new shoes. Dialogues for making acquaintance are better to start with neutral topics.
It is worth:
- be nice but not flattering;
- smile, maintain a direct look;
- mentally order your hands to be quietly in your pockets, on a belt, or in another relaxed position, rather than randomly clinging to everything that comes to your fingers;
- abandon the trickwork, rolling eyes and outright flirting;
- Do not tell your friend what a princess you are and suppress the desire to say bad things about people passing by, even if you are very upset at the moment.
As you see no special secrets in establishing a normal dialogue with men. And most of them quite calmly respond to the desire of women to take initiative in communication.
So do not extinguish yourself, but make your life more pleasant by choosing among people you are interested in.
How to talk to the guy you like:
