How to survive the grief after the death of her beloved husband?

The death of a loved one is given in the heart tremendous pain.

The one who faced this is in a state of confusion, experiences a lot of negative emotions and is extremely vulnerable, so the risk of developing neurosis, anxiety disorder, depression, severe phobias, especially if the lover died a violent death, killed himself or died from the disease, increases by several times.

He often does not know how to survive the death of a beloved husband or wifehow to live further and where to find strength for life in principle. But coping with pain is possible.

What is facing a person who has lost a loved one?

A person who has survived the death of a loved one suffers the hardest shock, can behave completely inadequately in the first days, can be observed:

Great apathy. A person reacts badly to what is happening, his face is unemotional, he may look numb.
Complete loss of appetite. There may also be a feeling of nausea at the sight of food.
Because of the strong shock a person can change greatly blood pressure indicatorsmay begin vomiting, dizzy, arise tachycardia. If he has chronic diseases, especially those related to the cardiovascular system, the likelihood of serious heart problems (heart attacks, myocardial infarction, fibrillation) increases significantly.
Non-standard death reactionsFor example, a person may laugh hysterically, or behave too aggressively, or sway from side to side, or continuously make some sounds.

Therefore, it is very important that next to him was someone who can help in organizing the funeral and provide support.

Especially hard for peoplewhich, even before the death of a loved one, had mental illness such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorder, phobic and panic disorders, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder.

Their diseases can be greatly exacerbated in the shortest possible time, so they can injure themselves or even commit suicide.

Want to end suicide there may also be people who, before the death of their beloved, had no pronounced mental health problems.

If you have a loved one died and you have a strong desire to commit suicide, call an ambulance or go to a mental hospital at your place of residence.

It will be useful to keep the phone numbers of psychological services in a prominent place.

Death of loved ones. How to let go of the deceased? Watch the video:

Stages of mourning

A person who has survived the strongest grief goes through a series of stages, after which he will be got used to the idea of death.

On average, these stages of sorrowing take place in a year and a half, except for the cases when one of the stages is delayed. If this happens, the person needs the help of specialists.

Shock

On average lasts nine to ten days or less.

The state of shock in all people proceeds differently, depending on the characteristics of their psyche. At this stage, a person is not able to fully comprehend the fact of the death of a loved one.

It can become extremely apathetic or, on the contrary, look businesslike and collected, as if nothing had happened. This does not mean that he is indifferent: on the contrary, he is injured so much that he vaguely realizes what happened, but a little later it will cover him with his head.

It may also be subject to depersonalization: can not understand who he is, where he is, who stands next to him and what is happening.

Help a person who is in a state of shock in the first hours after what happened:

give him a sedative to drink (valerian tablets, dilution of motherwort tincture, any other medicines from the group of sedatives);
lightly smack his cheeks, rub his limbs, hug, pat his head;
say soothing things, for example, “Our family will help you”, “I am here, close by,” say his name;
do not leave alone;
Let me express grief in any way: do not be ashamed of the "abnormal" behavior, do not shout;
Do not wail in the style of “Oh, how are you going to live now?”: this not only does not help, but can also cause a deterioration in your well-being.

You should not soothe a crying person: if he sobs, it is, on the contrary, a good sign - he does not hold back emotions, but throws them out.

The words "do not cry" basically not suitable for any kind of consolation, although widely used. Crying is not a bad thing, much worse if a person does not react to anything because of grief.

Negation

Lasts up to thirty to forty days.

A person during this period cannot accept the fact of the death of a spouse, sometimes it may seem to him that what happened is some kind of bad dream, and his beloved will now open the door with his key, enter the apartment and everything will be as before.

Also a grieving person may see a loved one in a dream, it may seem to him that he hears his footsteps or notices in the crowd. Memories associated with a partner and his death, can repeatedly emerge in my head.

He often talks about him in conversations, talks about how he feels. This is a completely normal process that helps a person to accept what happened.

Important:

Let it cry. Tears are a good sign during this period, except when the sobs are almost continuous. If this happens, you need to try to take the person to a psychotherapist.
Keep talking about the dead. You should not say bad things about him. Adhere to the point of view that a grieving person has at the moment, even if your opinion is different, or say neutral things like “Yes, I understand how you feel. When my loved one died, I also had dreams about him. ”
Listen to the statements of the grieving and watch his mental state, in time to help him in time, if he thinks about suicide or is too deeply immersed in his pain.

Adoption

Average lasts less than six months.

Internal pain associated with loss, roll in a wave: a person feels good, then returns back to a burning state.

is he learning to control his paintrying to get distracted.

Somewhere in two to four months after the loss, internal exhaustion due to pain may occur. The man at this time is extremely vulnerable, the world around him seems to be colorless, he hardly experiences joy, it seems to him that he will never recover, everything will always be bad.

In some cases, this becomes the cause of the development of clinical or subclinical depression.

During this period may occur:

Guilt. By accusing himself, a person tries in this way to get a sense of control over what happened, a feeling that he was able to change something then. The strongest feeling of guilt is usually experienced by a person who had a chance to die with his beloved, but survived (accidents, other accidents), and a person whose partner committed suicide.
Anger at the deceased ("You leave me alone"). She is especially strong if a loved one consciously deprived himself of life.
Aggression aimed at others. The grieving person tries to find the “guilty” person in the death of a loved one, blames others for what happened, and may behave inadequately. His accusations are usually irrational and closely related to the pain he feels.

If a loved one has committed suicide, it is extremely difficult to survivesometimes more difficult than in cases where death occurred for other reasons.

The suicide leaves his family with a deep sense of guilt, which can be felt for decades.

The period of exhaustion normally lasts a short time. If he was delayed, the person needs the help of a psychotherapist.

Pain relief

Lasts less than a year.

Pain becomes weaker, man fully accepts the fact of care beloved and learns to live without him: meet new people, work, do what is important to him.

The aggravation of pain occurs on the anniversary of death and the birthday of a loved one, but in a milder form and subsides more quickly.

It is easier to accept the death of a dear person if for some time he was sick and it was clear what the outcome was for him, and harder if he was young and death was unexpected.

How to cope with the death of a loved one? Psychologist tips:

How to survive a loss?

The experience of losing a loved one is an extremely painful period during which it is extremely high. the likelihood of multiple mental illnesses.

Psychological advice to a grieving person:

Communicate with loved ones more often. Discuss with them everything that matters to you, feel free to ask for support.
If you are a religious person, visiting a temple or a synagogue can help. Perform the rituals that your religion supports (put a candle, say a prayer, confess if you are tormented by a feeling of guilt).
Feel free to contact the experts, if you feel that you can not cope with the grief. This is especially true of men, among whom the opinion is widespread that turning to a psychotherapist is a weakness.
By no means, a visit to a psychotherapist with a deterioration in mental well-being is about the same “weakness” as a visit to a traumatologist with a fracture of a limb.
If you are interested in philosophy, reading certain books can help you cope with the pain. For example, you can read the work of Arthur Schopenhauer, "Death and its relation to the indestructibility of our being."
Try to look after yourself. A person deeply immersed in his grief may not find the strength even to carry out usual hygienic procedures like brushing his teeth, regular washing, washing. To make the motivation to do this stronger, you can vary the standard procedures, for example, make a herbal bath or add sea salt to the water. It will also be beneficial for the mental state.
Find a new hobby. Such mild changes in the period of mourning have a very positive effect on the psyche: they help to distract, bring the effect of novelty, increase the overall motivation. Also, new hobbies will expand the circle of dating, develop valuable skills and effectively apply them in life.
Try to make changes in the details. Replace the frayed tacks in the kitchen with new and beautiful ones, go to work in an unusual way, hang a picture on the wall, buy an item that you have long wanted to buy.
More often in the fresh air. Regular walks will add additional variety to your life, lift your spirits. It is also important to ventilate the apartment every day so that the air does not stagnate.
Eat regularly, include in the diet as much as possible foods with a high content of nutrients. In the first months after the death of your beloved, appetite is likely to be disrupted or will disappear almost completely. But it is important to understand that malnutrition will further aggravate the physical and mental state, without food there will be no strength for activity. If necessary, eat through force, grind foods into mush to make them easier and faster to eat.

Also very useful for the mental state of sports, water treatments, massage.

How to survive the death of her husband? Find out from the video:

What not to do?

In order for the mourning to be completed in due time and not cause various life problems, it is important:

Abandon the idea to radically change something (move, find a new love, take a child from a shelter, change jobs): a person during mourning is not able to make informed decisions. If you have a desire to dramatically change your life, write down your ideas on a piece of paper as they appear. After about a year and a half or two, when the pain subsides, read this list and consider whether you still want it.
Do not be ashamed to cry and not to keep emotions in yourself. This applies not only to women, but also to men. Socium makes men adhere to a masculine model of behavior that does not allow the manifestation of emotions associated with weakness, so it is more difficult for them to express their feelings. And the suppression of feelings leads to a worsening of the general condition, increases the risk of developing mental disorders.
Do everything possible not to get addicted to alcohol or drugs. This is also more true for men than for women: men are more likely to try to drown out the pain with alcohol.
Do not withdraw into yourself. Do not stay alone for long, try to communicate with dear people, visit public places (theater, cinema, exhibitions), more often be on the street.
Do not idle. Long-term inaction (in particular, lying on a bed; hobbies, walks, housework, conversations with relatives - this is not inaction) adversely affects the mental state, because a person with psycho-emotional trauma who does not do anything gets a large amount of time at his disposal during which he is alone with himself. Because of this, the likelihood that he will begin to dive into grief, recurring painful memories over and over again, and blaming himself increases many times over.