Few things bring so much happiness and pain at the same time as a family. It is especially painful when relationships built for life undergo a collapse, and the woman, who is called to keep the hearth, leaves the family.
Although most men consider themselves emotionally resilient, in such a situation, feelings may overwhelm them in ways they did not expect from themselves. What to do?
When can I get everything back
It is not uncommon for a woman to leave, wanting her husband to return her. She does this to avenge offense or in an attempt to show her spouse that it would be bad for her. At the same time in the depths of his soul he hopes that he will return it. This will make her feel needed.
It happens in a fit of emotions: offended, packed up and quickly left, slamming the door. In this situation, women rarely take with them important documents, and the money that she has with is hardly enough for a really long time. But this does not mean that it is necessary to treat her act thoughtlessly.
It is worth giving her time to cool down a bit - but not for long, otherwise she will feel unnecessary, and her husband will be suspicious of all sins. At this time, it is worth thinking about the reasons for her action and how to remedy the situation.
Of course, in the heat of the conflict it may seem that she herself is to blame for everything. But it is worth asking yourself - do you want to be right or happy? Moreover, in a quarrel of the two, both are always guilty, and measuring the degree of guilt of everyone in an attempt to shield themselves will not lead to peace.
Reconciliation
To return the wife, you need to make an effort. For a start it is worth remembering that she loves. Favorite flowers or coffee, in the cafe where you first went on a date. All this can affect her heart, and soften.
Of course, before this happens, you should ask about the conversation. And this conversation will not be easy. Something will be said to her rashly, and this should be treated with understanding. Charges are not facts, they are feelings that she feels. For example: “Your mother always climbs to us!” Means: “It hurts me when someone interferes in our affairs; I don't feel protected. ”
It is important that the conversation is not over. It is necessary to continue efforts to make the wife feel necessary. Otherwise, it will seem to her that she was deceived, and she can leave completely.
Gone completely
Unfortunately, it is not always possible to save a marriage. It is not easy to recognize and, as a rule, difficult to survive. How to live on when my wife left?
In order to cope with feelings, take time, and a lot. It is worth accepting this, and giving yourself the opportunity to mourn your loss in the literal or figurative sense.
Although, most likely, no one wants to see, you can not isolate yourself from others. Of course, screaming about loss at every corner is ridiculous, but the support of loyal friends or relatives will be very helpful. No need to talk about the gap and its causes, look for the guilty. It is necessary to fill the void in time, until life goes on a new cycle.
Do not pour pain with alcohol. These feelings still have to go through. Attempting to drown out alcoholic experiences will only push them away.
Someone of the best intentions may offer to establish a new relationship. This is a rash step, because another woman will be annoying even when she reminds her former spouse and when she breaks her usual way of life.
Most men are used to the fact that wives care about their health, and after a break they sometimes even forget to eat. It is worth scheduling the day and sticking to it. Experiences that are superimposed on hunger or feeling unwell are much more difficult.
In addition, it is worth getting rid of things that hurt with unnecessary memories. An exception may be situations where there are children: for them you can save something, for example, wedding photos. But it is better to remove them from sight.
Full-time employment will help not to focus on what happened. Hobbies and work will help fill the days. Free minutes can be devoted to helping relatives.
Of course, the pain of having left the wife will still come back. Self-pity will appear, the desire to return everything by some crazy act. These thoughts should be treated as symptoms - they will be, and you should not react sharply to them.
How to communicate
Unfortunately, it is impossible to immediately break off all contacts. Often there are unresolved issues: a joint case, children, the court, the division of property and so on. All conversations are better to reduce to purely business matters, rather than personal experiences and accusations.
Discussing matters, you need to talk calmly and politely. It will not be easy, so it may be worthwhile to invite a third party. If you have a feeling that you are about to break, you should ask to postpone the conversation for a while or discuss it by correspondence.
Not all women are able to separate with dignity. It will take effort to succumb to provocations and offensive words. But it is necessary: firstly, a quarrel is a transition to personalities, and relations need to be kept purely businesslike. Secondly, such words can only be her emotions, which she wants to throw out on someone. If you take them on your account, it will break more often.
It is necessary to separate things as much as possible. Well, if the points of contact will not be at all.
Negative feelings in relation to the former spouse can deprive of rest. Therefore, it is better to get rid of them, especially since it only harms those who experience them. Over time, it will turn out to treat her - just as a person, and to break - as a fact.
If there are common children
Children are especially hard when their parents break up. They feel part of both mom and dad. Fathers, in turn, are experiencing hard times that the wife left with the child - this is his whole family, and he, unlike her, was left alone.
Parents will need to create a schedule according to which the child will be able to communicate with each of them. Well, if at the same time, they themselves rarely intersect: for example, on some day dad will take a child from school or from relatives.
If the mother does not give the opportunity to see the children, it is worth consulting with an experienced lawyer, and, perhaps, to resolve the issue through the court.
Do not let heavy feelings reflect on children. If you talk badly about their mother, it will reflect badly on them. It is much more important to reassure them of their love, to encourage them to share their feelings - even if they have to listen to the same thing a hundred times.
The gap - a difficult test, even for the most powerful men. But if you control your feelings and make wise decisions, life will continue, and there will be more joyful moments in it.
Oksana, Moscow
(The comment of the psychologist on this article is not yet available.)
