Researchers from California have figured out why the neutral expression on the face of Mona Lisa stirs people. It's not the picture, but the viewer. Everyone comes to look at the masterpiece with their mood, experience and transfers their internal conflicts to a harmless picture. Therefore, someone smile seems cheerful, someone - sinister or sarcastic.
Conflicts we too see differently and also react to them. Some with a sword bald rush into battle, comparing the quarrel with the "extreme". Others associate the conflict with the "spider can" and, like ostriches, diligently hide their heads in the sand. Others constantly get into the epicenter of trouble and are tired of constant quarrels. Megatons of literature are written about conflicts and conflict situations. But a banal disagreement with relatives hurts more than intergovernmental conflicts.
If it seems to you that conflicts in your life are replicated for carbon copy, then you do not think so. Scientists conditionally divided people into 6 groups, based on the attitude to conflicts. From confrontation, knowledge will not save. But it helps to understand the person with whom you find out the relationship.
6 types of relationship to conflict
Type 1. Gossip Enlargers
Probably everyone is familiar with people who only live in anticipation of scandal. They exacerbate the situation, dramatize, savor the possible terrible consequences and sign the atmosphere of anxiety created by them. They see and create a problem where there is none, and they themselves are horrified by the possible consequences. These are those who skillfully transform a fly into an elephant.
Often this behavior is the result of psychological trauma. For some reason, the child feels rejected by significant people and then all his life in this way creates an illusion of importance. In communicating with the "enlargers" there are several rules:
- Do not maintain dialogue: do not nod, do not confirm, do not answer. Filter the information received and divide by 2.
- Do not take on the role of lifeguard, there is nobody to save. If you are involved in this game, the "rescue" position makes you a victim of an enlarger.
- Stop playingasking yourself questions: “What do I get from this communication?”, “Why do I spend so much time on him?”, “How can you communicate with this person in a different way?”.
Type 2. Conflict-abetters
Conflict lovers do not represent life without conflict. Without quarrels, they get bored. The conflict situation attracts as a process and it does not matter if there is a victory or a defeat at the end. People who voluntarily enter into conflict have previously experienced a sense of humiliation. Therefore, by all means resist the repetition of the situation.
Conflict lovers - these are masterly manipulators. In the course are stinging remarks, unequivocal hints. Their goal is to unbalance you, make you defend yourself, be rude, and suffer guilt. If we "swallow the bait", then we obviously turn out to be the losers. In dealing with such people, one should call on all his patience and politeness to help:
- Do not rush to respond immediately. Take a pause, think about the situation without unnecessary emotions.
- Do not go to the individual, focus on the result.
- Don't give in do not kick back. Better pretend that they did not understand the attack in their favor.
- During conversation mute the volume your voice, speak slower.
Type 3. Militant Conflicts
Conflict fights view any disagreement as a threat to their lives. They react to criticism just as they try to kill them. They catch up with fear in advance, do everything so that the glory of the "great and terrible" goes ahead. Thus, they drive the conflict underground and rarely allow them to find rational solutions.
Psychologists say that with conflict phobia to agree hardbut you can. At the time of a quarrel, their behavior resembles the behavior of juvenile hooligans: threats, assaults, "bykovanie". Do not be like them. Such people are capable of striking in the back at an unexpected moment. Try to master several skills of communication with a man-skating rink:
- Never communicate with such a person sitting in the armchairespecially if it is worth it. Stand up and you, lean your back against the wall, find an additional point of balance.
- Be open. If you are offended, upset, say so.
- Treat with understanding to the peculiarities of the behavior of the interlocutor.
- Connect sense of humor.
- Try end the dialogue politely, analyze the situation and learn from your mistakes.
Type 4. Gambling conflictophiles
Conflict-related people are people who love to watch a fight. The first signs of conflict cause their adrenaline rush. They watch scandalous talk shows, research news feeds in search of "fried" news, bet on the winner, discuss, prove their case in small things. They masterfully cut short the conversation, throw ambiguous phrases, give compliments and immediately say nasty things. In general, I do everything. to watch the next show.
Often conflict lovers sneak up, just to watch the reaction, see what happens. The purpose of this behavior is to put you off balance, to instill a sense of insecurity. If you like to argue, argue yourself is not health. For those who are tired of constant disputes, there are a few rules:
- If you yourself do not stop the argument, it will never end. Can not stop - run away.
- Think of communication as a game, just agree with everything said.
- Try to maintain neutrality on the principle "you are right and he is right, everyone is right ..."
Type 5. Blind and conflict-free
Conflict-free people pretend that conflict does not exist even when they are in the epicenter itself. They prefer to remain silent, to evade, to give way in trifles, not realizing that with silent "blindness" conflicts can grow to rampant proportions. This behavior is primarily threatened by them.
From a conflict free person impossible to get a clear answer. Even when it comes to his desires. He has everything in halftones, blurry, common phrases, conversations "about everything and about nothing." Despite the seeming friendliness, communication with them can be tedious. Especially for those who love specifics. The rules will help to simplify communication:
- Do not interrupt the dialogue in mid-sentence, do not press authority or examples of other people.
- Do not require an instant response, but set an exact time for the next discussion.
- If you get an answer, do not be lazy, ask again. Perhaps, during this time, the interlocutor has already managed to change his mind.
Type 6. Conflict Managers
Conflict manager is driven not by feelings, but by logic. These are surgeons of conflict situations. Often the view of the conflict is in fear, in stereotypes, past experience, distortion of the essence. Conflict for conflict manager is a problem in which there is a development and a way out. He not only puts confrontation into components, but also finds potential for development in a situation.
Conflict managers often become leaders, and organizations are valued as the best managers. They do not take offense, do not prove their case, know the price of their knowledge, relate to the conflict professionally and without bias. How to communicate with them? Watch, record, learn. How young interns follow the work of a virtuoso surgeon.
Scientists argue that optimism and pessimism are inherent in us at the level of genes. Perhaps that is why the same conflicts are seen differently. Of course, we are not able to change the genotype, but we are quite capable of working independently on our attitude towards confrontation and quarrel.
