If you hate your mother, then the problem is deeply psychological in nature.
There was a question - how to get rid of hatred for mother - pay attention to the advice of psychologists.
Mother-tyrant, monster: psychological portrait
Unfortunately, mother tyrant - the phenomenon is not so rare.
Everybody suffers from it - husband, child and herself.
First of all, a negative attitude affects children.
Signs that mother is a tyrant:
- Your own opinion is not put into anything, it is secondary or not taken into account at all.
- Mother seeks to make any decisions for you.and another option is not discussed. When trying to resist, she says she knows best how to.
- You live in a state of complete control. from the side of the parent.
She wants to know everything, what happens to you, what you think, where you are, with whom you communicate.
- Evaluates and criticizes friends, trying to choose a social circle, prohibiting contact with those who she does not like.
- She is seeks to control even grown children. This is expressed in constant calls, advice, reproaches, requests for help, blackmail.
- Woman raises voice, can raise a hand. Disobedience is punished harshly.
- Punishments in such a family - regular occurrences, even for minor faults.
- You are told that you are obliged to help the mother, to obey her in everything, not to contradict. She tries to assure you that her mission was to raise a child, and now you owe her.
- She tries to cultivate a sense of guilt in you - for any act, action, appearance into the world, her career failed.
- She constantly emphasizes how much she has done. for your child, how much effort invested.
- Calls several times a dayrequires a report where you are and what you are doing.
- Criticizes for any reason, even when there are no reasons for this.
To live with such a woman is unbearable. Children, as a rule, grow up with low self-esteem, dependent on the views of parents. They find it difficult to navigate through life, as they are accustomed to, that everything is decided for them.
In this case, the mother tyrant can always be unhappy with the success of your child what heights he has not reached.
They make very difficult mothers-in-law, who rarely accept the daughter-in-law and seek to destroy her relationship with her son.
Mother tyrant with this has a set of its own complexes. She is trying to control loved ones due to internal uncertainty.
Failures in personal life, career lead to the fact that she trying to be realized in the family and take at least some position.
The need to control everything causes internal stress and discontent, since close resist tyranny.
At the same time, the woman does not understand why children do not want to obey her, avoid contact, and then seek to leave the family as soon as possible.
Why does she hate me?
To understand why this is happening, worth exploring the past of a woman. Children are not to blame for the fact that she feels hatred for them. It is likely that she had an unwanted pregnancy, the father of the child left her.
Hate can be one of the symptoms of fatigue. It also develops when life is full of failures, and a person blames other people for this.
Causes of Hate:
- She does not know how to love and expresses her feelings in this way. Love is taught in childhood. If a woman did not have an emotional connection with her mother, then this was the reason that she was unable to establish the necessary contact with her child.
- The child was not welcome. In this case, the rejection of offspring. But since it is still necessary to educate him, the woman has no other choice.
- A child is like a father who is not around. In this case, the woman is forced to see a copy of her man every day, which causes additional irritation. Especially obviously negative feelings are shown, when not only appearance, but also character of the child is similar to the father.
- The woman has mental disorders. - depression, schizophrenia, neurosis. In this case, an adequate perception of reality is violated.
- The child is perceived as a hindrance to privacy. Mother dreamed of making a career, but pregnancy prevented.
She wanted to get married or find another partner, but the child is perceived as a hindrance to the relationship.
- The behavior of a son or daughter does not meet the expectations and ideas about ideal children.. When giving birth to children, many parents have an idea of how they would like to see them. However, expectations are not always justified. Children grow up with their character, needs, a certain line of conduct, not always correct from the point of view of parents.
- Weak emotional connection with the child. She did not arise after childbirth, and the woman did not try to do anything to install it. In this case, you can talk about a cold mother who does not know how or is not able to feel warm feelings for her children.
To say in the heat of quarrel "I hate you," yet does not really mean to hate.
But if this behavior is observed regularly along with accusations and aggressive actions, then we can talk about hatred.
What to do with maternal hatred?
What if mom hates you? Firstly do not give in to provocations, try not to incite conflict. Mother is looking for confirmation of her emotions - my child is bad.
However do not try to prove something achieve success only for the sake of the mother. You will have to understand that you are not responsible for her life, she is an independent person.
You do not control her emotions, the inner state of discomfort that she constantly experiences.
However capable learn to put out the conflictusing a variety of psychological techniques.
One should try to learn to communicate with such a parent as calmly as possible, without reacting to her screams and provocations.
Learn patiently prove its rightness
People with a soft character difficult to get along with the tyrant. Therefore, it is necessary to be able to stand up for oneself, but without inflaming the conflict, but patiently explaining one's point of view.
It is difficult for a tyrant mother to accept that sooner or later the children leave the house, and that this is due to her fault, since it becomes unbearable to live nearby.
But for adult children themselves, this is often the best option - to start your own life.
What if you feel hate mother:
- be patient;
- stay calm, do not shout back - it will lead to an even stronger negative reaction and protracted conflicts;
- if you have already grown, then find a separate housing;
- tell your mother that you have the right to choose, and she will have to accept it;
- learn to make independent decisions;
- try to calm your feelings, stop negative thoughts about the mother.
Show your parent autonomy - you now act yourself, solve any of your questions.
Of course, you can sometimes ask her for advice.
Mother tyrant will strongly disagree with your desire to be independent of her, but you have to stand your ground and not take positions.
Mom infuriates me and annoys: the reasons
The mother has developed her own stereotype of behavior, and it does not always meet the expectations of other people. If she has a dominant characterit tries its best to impose its will on everyone.
This is annoying, as any person seeks to make a decision himself and to have his own opinion. You trying to resist her attempts at control, but this causes an even stronger response in her - it is difficult for her to admit that you cease to obey her.
Irritation may occur due to the difference in temperaments. For example, you are a nervous melancholic subject to fears, mood changes and doubts. And mother is a bright choleric, constantly active, in motion.
Why do I hate my mother? If a there is no emotional connection with the child, it affects the future with them. It should be formed in childhood, ideally from infancy. Did you feel maternal love or did you feel coldness and indifference?
You can hate mom for what she seeks to fully control your lifewhile you want to be independent.
The desire for independence - the natural need of an adult person.
You can hate mother for what in childhood she paid you little attention and for the most part engaged in themselves than a child.
Analyze your life, your childhood - how did your relationship with your parents, who brought you up the most, evolved.
What matters is what kind of emotions other relatives put into you. Unfortunately it happens that, for example, mother in law hating daughter in law, explicitly or subconsciously seeks to convey this attitude to his grandchildren
Have you ever had such moments in your life when you were told how you should treat your mother?
How to get rid of the hatred of the mother?
Hatred of the mother interferes with the normal formation of relationships with other people. it makes a rift in family ties.
It affects irritation and hatred on your mental state, so you need to find ways to get rid of this negative feeling.
How to do it?
- Try to accept the mother as she is. She has a developed character that is almost impossible to change in adulthood. She was used to acting in a certain way.
- Do a little exercise. Imagine how she was in childhood, what she experienced, how her parents treated her. Now answer the question - was she really happy? Pity this person, it is likely that the negative attitude towards their own children is the result of the fact that she lacked love and she did not learn to experience this feeling without fear.
- Live separately - so you will be less likely to contact. It is likely that in the end it will bring you together.
- Talk to your mother, ask her about past life, dreams, successes and mistakes - let her know that she is interesting.
Such conversations will help to better know the parent, to feel her attitude towards others, other people, herself.
- Do not dwell on your negative feelings.. If you feel that irritation is developing, try to switch to something else, go to another room, say that you will call back later if the conversation takes place on the phone.
Hatred of the mother is a negative feeling will affect your attitude towards your own children. For this reason, it is worth paying attention to the problem.
Hatred of mother (father), unexpressed feelings towards parent:
