It seems that by itself a person is able to achieve the unattainable. But on the way all the time there are external circumstances. That is an economic crisis, be it wrong. That staff resist change. Gradually, a story about yourself comes down to a short answer to the question of business: "work-home, home-work." Every day, like a shot from the movie "Groundhog Day." Increasing the surrogate concentration in life is not a trap. This is a sign that the time has come for a change. And it’s worth starting with learning the word “NO”.
Say NO and immediately become uncomfortable
With a capricious child you need to learn to negotiate. Sometimes this advice is ignored. It is easier to put pressure on him by authority, to accustom him to obedience and not to bother too much about figuring out the causes of whims. But this is all in childhood. In adulthood, the game continues, but already on a grand scale.
Phrases like "nowhere without you" or "you are such a good fellow, do it ..." help you to feel like a superman. And who does not want to be known as an indispensable employee or classmate. However, these phrases drag the endless rush between the transportation of children from school to circles, an office with extra-curricular work and the construction of a house.
Said NO automatically makes a person uncomfortable for others. The first thing he feels is bewilderment, misunderstanding and resistance from those closest to him. He already ceases to be a continuation of the world of another person - so convenient and familiar. How do you refuse to do? But he always did what was best. The first question you need to ask yourself, and then your opponent: who was better? If to me - this is how I myself can determine the benefit, and if to you, then, friend, I'm sorry.
Those who dared to dig deeper, understand that fear is behind the awkwardness of failure. Fear of embarrassing look to the eyes of the boss or friends. The fear that the wife will stop loving after refusing to buy a new fur coat, and the children will not be able to get the same gadget as their neighbor. Then what will they say about their father? It is true that he is unable to provide for his family. So, there is nothing to respect him.
Constant indulgence of others can not cause respect. Conceit gives rise to a completely different desire: to sit on the neck. Respect is caused by those who are able to defend their independence and point of view. Confident people think about themselves, care about family and loved ones, but do not turn their lives into serving others' interests.
If it is still difficult for you to say NO, ask yourself another question: what will it cost me? Often the tragic situations that unfold after our NO exist only in our imagination. To refuse to work overtime, the head may well pay you back or connect other employees to the project. A child who did not receive another iPhone, but spent his birthday with dad and mom, will consider this holiday the best in his life.
This applies to people who really value you. Of course, there are those who will press and prove your wrong. But their opinion is not worth paying attention.
Say NO to yourself is sometimes even harder.
To refuse offers today has become unfashionable. Doubters are immediately recorded in the backward conservatives. Like, uncertainty and doubt - this is bad. Perhaps such a formulation of the question dictates the frantic pace of life. Having refused the next innovation, we risk to be left out of technical progress: to be out of the way, not in the trend, not in line with the image. The result of this race of acceleration are global economic crises.
Enthusiastic "yes!" already become part of the culture of acceleration. We often say YES in order not to lose customers, be “in trend” or try everything while you live. This was felt by the visitors of the hardware stores: when they put in another gadget, somehow the language doesn’t turn to admit to the seller that you simply don’t have money. The dialogue ends with a loan and a gadget that will become obsolete before the loan is paid.
How to proceed? Nobody canceled the healthy criticism and common sense. Each new project should be countered with a list of measures in case of unsuccessful promotion. And to refuse the next sentence, which smells like a scam, you can use the beautiful phrase "I need to think."
No, it's impossible to please everyone
Surrounding love to teach. And even more they like to prove. That you do not live in the wrong way, work in a wrong way, bring up, treat, answer. It is tolerated for the time being. Gradually, the person turns into a boiling kettle with a tightly sealed lid. The pressure is slowly increasing, and at one moment, instead of an agreeable friend and father, the family gets an evil stranger who screams "let me alone!". And there and close to binge.
Men take drastic measures. They are going away. Someone slam the door, and someone goes into another world. And the myth about the Real Man is in the air like an echo. Why myth? Because everyone talks about him, but no one has seen him. And the eternal unrequited love for this fabulous hero is often destroyed by simple strong families.
As they say, it is impossible to force yourself to love. Whatever you do, there will always be people who dislike something. And why, actually, should they like you?
What to do? Understand that this is not in my power. That infuriates someone my car. So, should I buy a new one just to please him?
Another useful phrase. Print and pin in a prominent place: "Even if you are an angel, someone will definitely not like the rustle of your wings."
Aerobatics: refuse without the word NO
It is clear that in itself a short word is not so terrible. But the said NO helps to move its boundaries. Separate themselves from cheeky vampires and yes, build other relationships with close people. But often it is not close people who take the lion's share of energy and time, who love to shift their cares onto other people's shoulders. For such cases, there are a couple of cheat sheets.
Forget the request
Often acquaintances ask us for a favor and forget about it themselves. There is also a separate category of lovers of freebies: they ask everyone. If someone helps - well. And the rest is simply forgotten. If your help is really important to a person, he will definitely remind of himself. Better yet, he will explain why this is so important to him. Then there is an opportunity to enter a dialogue, and not to suffer from doubts.
Say "I don't want" instead of "I can't"
Such is the children's reception. Actually, it works great. To the next question "Why?", Answer: "Because." This is discouraging, but it shows that you remain the master of the situation. And the phrase "I can not" means that you are a victim of circumstances. So you can still push you a little. But sometimes it is better to seem inadequate than to go on about the strangers "should be, Vasya (Petya, Kolya) should be."
Take a pause
The phrase “I am not ready to answer you now” will show a person that you value your time, but do not ignore his request. You will remain with due respect, but will receive a supply of time. Then you will have the opportunity to consider the situation from all sides. At the same time to understand, perhaps you just use.
Good news: sometimes problems are solved by themselves, even without your participation.
Say NO without using the word "no"
Sometimes a direct failure causes a feeling of shame or embarrassment. Subtleties of failure should learn from the diplomats. Just think what art it is to refuse at the level of state interests. That is why, the word NO is worth using thoughtfully and economically.
An example of requests and responses on the system of diplomats:
- The client insists on an additional discount. A company representative replies: we gave you a maximum discount on the price list.
- A colleague asks to take on some of the work. Of course, just finish the work on your project. I need to pass it by tomorrow.
- The child asks for permission to play the game. You can play when you do your homework and take a walk with the dog.
- Familiar runs, Hamit, requires. We will talk about it tomorrow when you get cold.
There are entire countries where it is not at all customary to pronounce the word NO.. But this does not mean that they can not refuse. Sometimes the polite phrase "quite possibly" means "only through my dead body". In any case, you need to formulate the phrase so as to convey to the interlocutor a clear NO. Even if it remains unsaid.
Over the years, it is easier to say NO, because life itself is a good training. But in nature, everything is interconnected. If you give too long, it's time to take it. Awareness of this fact gives the full right to start the game by its own rules.
There is a parable about a broom, with a moral: a man is weak in himself. But sometimes weakness is the inability to say NO. Just imagine, what would be the world in which no one knows how to refuse. It would be a world of wimps and parasites. Start with simple practice: 5 NO per day. And then you will understand what a thrill it is to be yourself.
