Jealousy is the cause of many love scandals, tragedies and quarrels. Since ancient times it is inherent in every person and, by and large, is an integral part of any entity. Someone singles out her positive moments, and someone only dwells on negative ones, nevertheless, everyone agrees on the same thought: in cases of love jealousy, it cannot be avoided.
The psychology of jealousy.
If you believe the encyclopedias and explanatory dictionaries, then jealousy is a kind of uncertainty about your partner, or rather, whether he is faithful. Of course, already following only one term one can come to the necessary conclusions. Jealousy is akin to fiery passion, it does not allow to concentrate on facts. Psychologists divide this feeling into two types:
- The tormentor's jealousy - when a person begins to suffer from the thought of betrayal, refusing to understand how you can change such a strong personality as he is. It is this type of jealousy that occurs most often and bends over both partners, sometimes depriving them of reason and common sense.
- Jealousy is a weak spirit of a person who does not believe in their own attractiveness. It is inherent to those whose self-esteem leaves much to be desired, but its harm from this does not become less.
We should also consider a couple of types of jealousy that are rarely distinguished in scientific circles: male and female. The problem is that both sexes diametrically oppose the concept of treason itself, interpreting it differently. As a result, their jealousy is different, because men mostly pay more attention to the physical aspects, and women - more emotional.
The negative side of jealousy.
If doctors are to be believed, then jealousy is bad because it is as similar in character to fear as possible. This feeling can cause migraine attacks, pressure drops and fever. Experts note that the more time a person spends in a stressful state, the more he gets sick. It would seem that mild symptoms can easily turn into chronic diseases such as obesity, heart problems, or nervous system problems.
Most psychologists tend to blame for jealousy not of one or another partner, but of the most jealous who provokes scandals and incurs unnecessary trouble. Often there are situations in which people who are aware of their tendency to this problem, establish total control over their second half, fundamentally destroying any beginnings of trust and equality. So how to get rid of jealousy?
- Try to draw conclusions only on a sober head, primarily calming down and carefully weighing all the facts. It is likely that the situation that you are so afraid of, has a logical explanation, which lies literally on the surface. If necessary, interview your friends, comparing all known data, but do not bother with questions to your loved one.
- Ask yourself: “Does your partner love me?”
- Distract yourself more often. Do not dwell only on your partner, but do really favorite things. Pay attention to the old hobby, loyal friends and relatives. In this way, you will not only increase your own self-esteem, but also rest, gaining strength before decisive actions.
- Talk to your other half. Do not make any conclusions without discussing the situation with a partner. Allow him (or her) to speak, defending his point of view, because perhaps she will be the only right one. Remind yourself that heart-to-heart talk over tea has always contributed to bringing people closer together.
- Think once again about the nature of love. Ask yourself: why am I next to this person? What keeps me up? What will happen to me if he is not? The answers will allow you to understand your feelings deeper and prove that the current situation is simply a difficult moment in a relationship, which sooner or later comes for everyone.
- Try to swap roles and imagine yourself in the place of another person. What would you do? Would you have a reason to change, and is this not a sufficient argument to change your life? Try not to bother your partner with your doubts and jealousy attacks, which will only exacerbate an already difficult situation. Your loved one does not need to know about all your internal negotiations and conjectures. Leave them with you or get them out of your head.
Is jealousy good? How to learn to be jealous.
Despite all the shortcomings of this “gnawing” feeling, one cannot overlook the positive aspects in which jealousy acquires new facets. Many psychologists agree that it is this feeling that reveals true love. Thus, it becomes obvious that jealousy can serve well in some situations. It is also useful in cases where one of the partners does not want to show their feelings, being closed from a loved one.
No less significant "plus" of jealousy is the excellent motivation that it has on a person. As soon as a strong personality encounters any (even if imaginary) competition, she begins to actively improve herself and develop her merits.
Taking into account all these facts, the question arises: how to learn to be jealous, if there is absolutely no inclination for this feeling? In fact, there is no exact recipe, and there can not be, since learning to be jealous is essentially the same thing as learning to love. If you are looking for the seeds of jealousy in yourself, then start with the reasons why your partner is dear to you. Decide what it means to you and whether you are ready to lose it, whether longing for your partner will bother you. In the event that a cause for jealousy actually exists, you will not even have to try to introduce yourself into a state of permanent stress. However, think three times about the appropriateness of such a reflection, because not everyone is able to leave it alone.
Preserving relationships is hard work anyway. However, for the sake of them it is really worth living, fighting and trying to become better, because there is nothing more valuable than a smile of a loved one. Love and control your emotions, not yielding to the simplest provocations. Remember that jealousy is not only a manifestation of love, but also fear, so be careful with it!
