Domestic quarrels happen in every family. Sometimes misunderstandings between spouses Mogzhet occur even because of trifles.
Loving each other people easily resolve the conflict. But what if the problem is much more serious and the case goes to divorce? How to make peace with his wife, if the spouse has left the house?
Why did she leave?
The decision to leave the family for women is given much harder than men.
Indeed, by nature a woman is the keeper of the hearth inclined to polygamy.
And if she no longer wants to be with her spouse, for that there must be good reasons.
Husband is dangerous for spouse and child
It's about men whose behavior endangers well-being, health and life of all family members.
This category includes gamers, alcoholics, drug addicts, criminals, house sadists, aggressors, and people with pronounced mental disorders.
As a rule, before marriage and in the first years of cohabitation, a man hides or suppresses his dangerous inclinations.
He can also use the “concept substitution” strategy (I'm not a player, I'm just a gambling person; I'm not an alcoholic, but I have problems at work and I want to relax). A woman, even knowing about harmful habits, can for a long time convince herself that a loved one change for family.
Time after time forgiving my husband for beatings, binges, the eternal lack of money and other terrible things, a woman refuses her illusions. She understands that there will be no positive progress, but an alliance with this man. dangerous (both for herself and for children).
He is not a man
Girls grow up with the dream of a "real man."
Strong, strong-willed, reliable, etc. Everyone has their own ideas about the perfect spouse but the general model of the “right” husband is dictated by society and is a kind of stereotype.
If in the process of family life the husband does not match the image of the “real man”, the woman ceases to consider him as a full-fledged partner.
But often the fair sex spared the time and effort invested in the spouse, they are afraid to radically change their lives and not sure if the next one will be better.
These thoughts interfere with leaving the family. As a result, the woman shares with the spouse a common living space, while showing disrespect in an open or hidden form.
Relationships are mutual consumerism (husband, breadwinner, wife - mistress). Intimate life, talking heart to heart, common interests and joint leisure reduced to nothing.
Such a family can exist for a long time, being at the same time a fragile union. The woman will leave herself if rupture catalyst:
- a woman met another man (calling her respect);
- joint child grew up;
- the woman has gained financial independence and no longer needs a spouse;
- family relations deteriorated (aggression and / or physical violence replaced indifference and cool attitude).
Spouse - unpromising
If a woman ambitious (and especially if it projects its ambitions on the husband), the hopelessness of the man may cause divorce.
And even warm feelings / joint children / stability will not keep a woman in the bosom of the family.
The concept of hopelessness can be extended to the financial sector, career, position in society and other success rates.
In general, the departure of the wife is rarely associated with any particular conflict or quarrel. Yes, skirmish or minor misconduct of a spouse may be the “last straw”.
But the decision to dissolve the marriage is formed for a long time and based on first impression about a man in the status of "husband."
The departure of his wife is often associated not with the present state of affairs in the family, but with errors from the past made by a man during cohabitation.
What to do and how to live on?
If the wife left with the intention to dissolve the marriage, you should not give vent to emotions. In the heat of the moment, you can “break the wood” and permanently deprive yourself of the opportunity to restore relationships with your beloved woman.
Short term tactics:
- Do not spoil the relationship with your ex-wife. In moments of quarrel draws all the accumulated for the insults, insult the spouse or hurt more painful? Better to stop and think over your monologue. After all, the words spoken once and hang in the air. And even if the family is restored, somewhere in the subconscious of the woman, the insults and revelations of the man will be postponed.
- Do not complain. It is not necessary to tell your relatives and friends about quarrels with your wife in detail. Attempts to expose the spouse in a bad light will lead to the fact that even after reconciliation, people from close surroundings will treat her badly. If you need to talk about the quarrel with someone from the family, try to do without details and a detailed retelling of the events.
- Do not try to stifle feelings with alcohol.. To go to hard drinking is not the way out. Most likely, friends will persuade you to go to the nearest bar and skip a couple of glasses for emotional conversations. To succumb to temptation is to increase the chance that spontaneous stupidity will be committed (under the influence of alcohol). And tomorrow will have to repent for a drunken visit to his wife, an insulting SMS or calls to her parents.
Long-term tactics:
- Do not rush to start a new relationship. New relationships really help to get distracted.
But if the ex-wife finds out that you have a girlfriend immediately after the break, the chances of returning the spouse will be reduced to zero.
- Do not stop communicating with your ex-wife. This applies to both those who just want to return the wife, and those who have common children with his wife. Maintaining communication means winning a place in the “new life” of the former spouse in advance.
- Do not compare your situation with others. Do not try to perform actions on someone else's tips and advice. Only the husband knows what degree of trust was in the family, strengths and weaknesses of the relationship. You should look for a way to solve the problem only in your head, reflecting on possible actions and their consequences.
After the departure of his wife will remain inside feeling of emptiness.
There is a condition that is called "emotional swing."
For some time, it turns out to let go of the situation and even find the advantages of a divorce.
And then resentment, fear, jealousy and other unpleasant feelings roll in a wave. And so in a circle. In moments of negativity you need switch to any activitywhether it be work, homework, reading books, watching movies or sports.
Do not try to solve the problem "here and now" by inventing clever plans and convincing lies. Take time to think.
Assess your behavior and the behavior of his wife as if from the side. Analyze your relationship and the reasons for the quarrels. This will help make the right choice between “try to bring back” and “let go”.
She does not file for divorce: what does this mean?
A woman who is determined to break off with her husband will do everything possible to erect a wall between her ex-husband and her own self. She does not want to be part of a ruined family, even formally, according to the documents.
Of course, 2-3 days after the departure of his wife, it’s too early to ask such a question. But if initiatives to file for divorce do not come from a woman after 2-3 months, so she seriously doubts.
After all, during the separation, she could rethink the situation, realize that she needs a spouse and hear her own feelings.
Perhaps the woman’s desire to leave the family was due to nervous tension.
The heated situation inside the family forced her to look for "fresh air" away from home. And now, when the spouse has restored spiritual harmony, she ready to return.
In rare cases, women can leave the family for good, without planning to dissolve the marriage.
They are not going to return to her husband, but the procedure for obtaining a divorce inevitably lead to problems. Therefore, on paper, a woman remains married, while she has been living alone for a long time.
Is it possible to return the spouse after separation?
Return the wife after her departure - husband's natural desire. Even if the feelings inside the couple have long cooled, it is difficult for a person to accept the fact that he can be left.
Well, if a man still feels warm feelings for a woman, the desire to save the marriage does not leave even for a minute.
It is necessary to understand that to return a person to a family, and to return a relationship are two different things.
Yes, with the help of manipulations (especially if the spouses have common children), feelings of pity (I can not without you) and financial control can be returned to the spouse in the house. But even in her thoughts she will feel herself not as a wife and keeper of the hearth, but bird caught in a cage.
In order to return harmonious relations, you will have to invest your soul in this business, completely change and learn to forgive.
Reconciliation can be divided into four stages:
- Conversation. When the ex-wife is ready / willing / willing to talk, you need to know her view of the situation. Do not try to lure her back, to persuade her to return, cry and humiliate herself. It is important to give women the opportunity to speak out and throw off the load of accumulated offenses.
- Rethinking. This is the most important and crucial stage. If a man cannot admit his guilt and refuses to look at a ruined marriage through the eyes of a woman, it’s pointless to hope that his wife will return. And even if she returns, the union will be short-term. So what should be done?
- Hear version of women - to realize the reasons for her leaving - to change in accordance with the expectations of the woman. Maybe she did not like the fact that her husband could not find work for several months in a row? Or daily meetings with friends, ending with drinking alcohol? Or is she tired of doing all the housework alone? Or maybe she just did not have enough affection and attention? These moments are to be worked out and corrected.
- Apologies. No need to kneel, cry, call yourself a fool and beg for forgiveness. A man should tell his beloved woman what exactly he repents, why he did this, and how he came to realize his guilt.
The ex-wife should see that her husband really wants to change and is ready to step over her principles for this.
- Changes. You can promise your ex-wife a million times that everything will change soon. But the only way to correct mistakes is to prove your desire to return your beloved through deeds and deeds. Change your lifestyle. Do what she asked you long ago (pretend to be promoted for work, complete the repair in the apartment, give up bad habits, broaden your horizons).
Signs that the ex wants to return
If the ex-wife wants to return, but she is hindered by pride or the fear of “twice running into a rake,” you can learn about her desire by behavior:
- gives preference to clothes that like her ex-husband;
- willingly makes contact, answers calls and agrees to meetings with her spouse;
- unexpectedly began to appear in the companies of mutual friends;
- "Accidentally" dials the number of her ex-husband, sends him SMS or messages in social networks.
You can find out his wife’s intentions through her social media page. A woman who wants to return a man often uses for this social networks. With the help of thematic posts, sad pictures and photo captions, she tries to hint that she is not opposed to renewing the relationship.
You can also find out if your wife wants to return from other people (mutual friends or relatives of her husband with whom she maintains contact).
Even if a woman does not speak about her plans directly, but constantly mentions the ex-husband in a conversation or asks about his life, most likely she is not ready to let go of the man.
Psychological advice and practical recommendations
- How to make peace with his wife after a strong quarrel? If talk and apology do not help, you can try to appease your wife. For this, it is necessary to fulfill its long-standing request or dream, which is still relevant. Some couples can not enter into a constructive dialogue, falling for screams and insults. In this case, it is better to discuss the problem of correspondence. So partners will not be able to kill each other, will speak out and hear the opinion of the opposite side.
- Hit his wife: how to put up? If this is an isolated case and the man really regrets his deed, the best and surest way to reconciliation would be an appeal to a family psychologist. For a woman, this will be an indicator of her husband’s serious intentions. But an attempt to pretend that nothing has happened will lead to a woman’s distrust. From now on, she will be afraid of repeated cases of physical violence.
- How to return the ex-wife with a child? If the spouses have a common child, the spouse is more willing to contact. In this case, the husband should focus on the fact that the baby needs a full-fledged family and should not grow without a father.
- How to get my wife back home? There are many ways to FORGED a wife back home. But coercion will not give the desired result. At the first opportunity, the woman will leave again (not to mention the fact that cohabiting under coercion will provoke hatred towards her husband).
- He quarreled with his wife: how to restore a relationship? To establish a good relationship with his wife, you need to listen to her wishes. Immediately after his wife’s return, there comes a “trial period” during which a woman looks at her husband’s behavior. If during this time the representative of the fair sex makes sure that her chosen one is sincerely trying and willing to save the family, she will “thaw”.
- How to regain the trust of his wife? Trust can be returned only if, after the wife’s return, do not give her any reason to doubt. It takes several months / years for a woman to learn to trust her ex-husband again.
- How to return the feelings of his wife? To return the feelings of his wife, you need to "look into the past" for a while and conquer your spouse as in the first days of dating. Create an atmosphere of “bouquet and candy” period, but with the condition that, in addition to romance, a woman will also see a reliable support in her relationship.
- How to return the location of the girl? The easiest way to return the location of the girl through sincerity. It is enough to honestly report your feelings. The fact that repentance of rude or offensive words / deeds / actions does not allow to sleep well. And that its location plays an important role for a man.
But attempts to deceive and cheat will lead to the fact that the girl is convinced of the intentions of a man to use it.
Breakup is painful process. But you can not despair and break the boundaries of his own personality, mentally merging with his other half. Do not identify yourself with another person. And then, regardless of the outcome of the quarrel, you can move on and enjoy life.
How to return a wife without requests and humiliation? Find out from the video:
