The cohabitation of several generations of families and the submissive obedience of the younger elders have long sunk into oblivion. Today, the newly-made family is free to live separately, to build life and relationships at their discretion. Nevertheless, lamenting brides "hate mother in law" sounds at every step.
Mothers of husbands consider it their most sacred duty to teach and instruct the young on the right path. Valuable instructions are given out about and without, that the young modern mistress is perceived as a natural rudeness. The mother-in-law, in turn, is outraged by the daughter’s negligence. In the end, the degree of hatred increases so much that there is no strength to endure.
Understand and forgive
Marriage is not only the merging of two destinies, but also the union of two families. Willy-nilly, in addition to the legal spouse, a woman acquires a new kin. Many are not ready for this. Very often, her husband's mother begins to climb into a young family with morals, excessive care and even control, and the young daughter-in-law hates her for this. All because of ignorance, how to build relationships. There may be several options:
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Begin to fight, try in every way to limit the contact. This behavior is the path to nowhere. No man can endure constant conflicts and complaints. Mom for him is the same favorite person as his wife. - To submit and silently endure. This option is even worse than the first. To live in constant humiliation and blindly follow the orders of the mother-in-law is a direct path to a mental hospital.
- Understand and forgive. Put yourself in the place of the mother-in-law, accept her as an imperfect, but dear person only by virtue of an actual wise woman. Of course, this is not easy, especially if conflicts have been going on for a long time. But the attempt is not torture, is it?
Begin to fight, try in every way to limit the contact. This behavior is the path to nowhere. No man can endure constant conflicts and complaints. Mom for him is the same favorite person as his wife.So, how to stop hating your mother-in-law? The first thing to remember is that the hated mother-in-law is, above all, a mother. Any mother unconditionally loves her child, is worried and worried if he is at least 30 years old. It is an instinct and habit developed over the years. Letting a child go away when he matures may not all. The mother continues to worry about how the son ate, whether she was ill, or if he had everything.
The second point - the mother-in-law can be quite a lonely woman. If she is left without a husband or a favorite cause, friends, then the son for her is the only joy and opportunity to communicate. The third thing to consider is the difference of education. Most likely, the mother-in-law herself received lectures at the time. So it was accepted: seniors pass on their experience to the young.
In addition, the behavior of the mother-in-law can explain menopause. The wedding of children usually falls during the period of menopause, during which many women begin to behave inadequately. Also, a high interest in family affairs may appear if the young cannot provide for themselves. If the mother-in-law constantly gives money, it is quite natural that it is important for her to know what they went for.
Psychologists advise
Conflicts with the mother-in-law are an inexhaustible source of anecdotes, jokes and even dramas. If someone knew how to quickly and effectively nullify them, such stories would not have happened for a long time. However, there are methods that can help hate your mother-in-law less. Psychologist's advice on how to normalize relations with your husband's mother:
- Never complain in-law to his son. She will give all the complaints to him, and more likely, she will also twist in your favor. Remember, even if the son is very wrong, the mother will always find an excuse for him, he is the best for her, even with flaws. In the end, where did you look when you chose it?
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Do not blame the mother-in-law for improper upbringing of a son or grandchildren. If you do not agree with its methods, argue arguably. Is a 4 month old baby making sausage? Invite to a joint appointment with a pediatrician, present an encyclopedia on baby food, or turn on the transfer of Komarovsky. If this does not help either, argue that with the law, the mother is responsible for the health of the child, not the grandmother. - Do not refuse advice and do not discount the mother-in-law's experience. Most likely, she sincerely wishes to help your family. Even if you disagree with her, say thanks for the opinion or advice. At the same time, no one forbids doing something differently.
- Find a common language. If you ask yourself a question “I hate my mother-in-law, what should I do?”, Then, most likely, you have to communicate often enough. To bring this communication to a new, more enjoyable level, find interesting topics for conversation. For example, discuss cooking an exotic dish, try cooking it together. Or go to a concert, to the cinema. Find out this woman, who is hiding under the mask of her mother in law, on the other hand.
- Stop being offended. If you do not like something in the actions of the mother-in-law, tell her about it gently, but bluntly. Often comes to visit and climb the lockers, like at home? Say: "When you manage in my kitchen, and I feel very uncomfortable. I do not like it. Let's better take care of you as a guest." Indicates a mess and scattered things? Perhaps you really do not interfere with tidying up. But she’s better to answer: “I’m still not as experienced in housekeeping as you are, but over time I will learn.
Do not blame the mother-in-law for improper upbringing of a son or grandchildren. If you do not agree with its methods, argue arguably. Is a 4 month old baby making sausage? Invite to a joint appointment with a pediatrician, present an encyclopedia on baby food, or turn on the transfer of Komarovsky. If this does not help either, argue that with the law, the mother is responsible for the health of the child, not the grandmother.Advice of the author. If each daughter-in-law would put herself in the place of her son's mother, and each mother-in-law remembered how she herself was once the daughter-in-law, there would be much less conflict between them. Every person has his weaknesses. It is necessary to try not to put pressure on the sore corn, but on the contrary, to protect each other from unrest. Then the relationship will gradually improve, and the phrase "I hate my mother-in-law" will sound less and less.
Extreme measures
If the mother-in-law behaves extremely inadequately, does not go to any negotiations and frankly spoils you, distance yourself. Stop talking to her at all. Do not attend family activities, do not answer the phone calls, do not let them go to your home in the absence of her husband. Clearly state the position that you will not allow yourself to talk and act like that. In this case, with her husband do not discuss his mother, do not complain about her and do not cry. Stop being a victim.
When living together, clearly share responsibilities. Living on the same territory as a mother-in-law is always hard. Comfort yourself that it is temporary, drink a sedative. At the first opportunity, try to move to a separate housing.
Before you say "I hate my mother-in-law," think about why you have this feeling. You can hate fierce enemies or offenders. But not immediately the mother-in-law became so bad. Probably, you untied a part of the conflicts yourself. Somewhere they threw an offensive phrase, did not accept help, turned off the advice. Try to admit that the responsibility for bad relationships lies with both of you. Now try changing that. Why you? Because the first step makes the one who is smarter. Make friends with the mother-in-law, and you will not regret it for a moment.
