“How to achieve the desired love” is a wonderful book written by a psychoanalyst who has specialized in psychological work with married couples for over 30 years. If your relationship with your loved one is difficult, and you are interested in the themes of relationships and love, you should read this book.
So why is it worth stopping attention? First of all, because the author of this book, Herville Hendrix, is truly a professional with great experience. Now on the book shelves is a huge number of books on the topic of relationships that are written 
journalists, housewives, plumbers ... but anyone! But at the same time there are quite a few really practical books, the authors of which are based when writing them not on personal subjective experience, but on what really works.
The second important point: the author of the book is a psychologist-psychoanalyst, which is rather unusual, considering that the book is addressed to married couples.
Usually books about relationships are written by psychologists, then often these are family psychotherapists. Therefore, the book is also interesting because the author considers the couple not as a single organism (as family psychologists do), but as a combination of two people, each of whom sometimes has its own deep psychological wounds inflicted by parents and the environment in childhood. And then most of the problems that arise in a pair, does not occur because someone is to blame for the pair, but because the spouses involuntarily rebel these wounds upon close communication.
From this book you will learn what are the required stages of any marital relationship, what are the features of each stage, and what you need to know about each of them, so that the relationship not only continues, but are comfortable for both partners and brings pleasure and joy to each of them.
And what is also very important is that the author, telling about what actually happens between the spouses and in the psyche of each of the partners, gives very detailed and interesting exercises that help the husband and wife find the already seemingly lost common language with each other. Exercises help to see behind the external manifestations what your spouse really feels, and teach what can be done to help him express himself.
What is most surprising is that by helping our partner cope with his psychological problems, we also help ourselves. Because we chose this partner for a reason, and due to special psychological markers under the influence of certain unconscious impulses. About them here, too, described in detail.
The exercises described in the book of “the container of anger”, “clearing up”, “stretching the character” and many others help the spouses to better understand themselves and their partners, as well as begin to change attitudes that have ceased to arrange, towards better understanding each other, acceptance and love .
This book was released in the late nineties, and, as far as I know, has not been reprinted, but it is really good. I strongly recommend reading it to all people experiencing difficulties in personal or married life.
Having mastered the principles outlined in the book and doing the exercises on your own or with your spouse (ideal), you can significantly improve relations not only with your husband or wife, but also with yourself. You will be able to better understand why you are reacting to your spouse or those around you in this way and not otherwise, and you can make profound positive changes in your life.
Evgeny Makhlin, psychotherapist, family psychologist
