Person - social being. From childhood and to old age, people surround us.
Someone remains casual acquaintance and does not leave memories of himself, and someone becomes a true and loyal friend.
But what is friendship and how to distinguish it from simple warm communication?
What it is?
friendship - This is a close relationship between people of the same or different gender who trust each other, respect a comrade and experience a feeling of affection.
In addition, friends have common interests and views, they can count on mutual help, support, and also enjoy the contact.
The concept of "friendship" is not only selfishness encouraging to take advantage of communication (interesting pastime, the opportunity to speak out, etc.).
It is a sincere desire to give something in return, to help and support.
What is the basis?
Friendship is based on disinterested relationship, sincerity and mutual sympathy. In psychology, friendship is classified as attraction, which includes:
- the need to choose partners for communication and interaction;
- a set of certain qualities in a partner, which provoke attraction and promote interaction;
- features of building contact, which have to further interaction, trust and desire to keep a person in their lives.
Friendship Criteria:
- Union (friendly) implies long-term relationships concluded by mutual consent.
- Attachment. Each member of a friendly union needs a partner.
Attachment can be reflected both in the desire to share news, joys and advice, and in the need to get an assessment of their actions / decisions / plans / actions from a significant person (ie, friend).
- Similar value system. The value system does not have to be identical, but the basic values of friends, as a rule, are the same. This gives grounds for confidential communication.
- General goals and plans. If people do not have common goals or plans, then this is no longer a friendship, but a joint pastime. Under the condition of a strong union, people, one way or another, have “points of intersection” in the form of joint plans, projects or tasks (this is due to the deep integration into the life of a comrade).
- Confidence. Friends are sure that, if necessary, the comrade will always provide all possible assistance. He can also entrust the case, entrust the secret and speak frankly.
Example: People meeting new acquaintances while traveling or on vacation may be aware of the short duration of this communication and not plan to maintain contact in the future, after returning home. In this case, even with close contact, the interlocutors will become pleasant acquaintances, perhaps a "vest" or a way to occupy themselves in a period of solitude. But the formation of a friendly union will not happen.
Example: Work colleagues can make contact, but they do not feel affection. They will go to lunch together, discuss the latest news and entertain each other through their company during working hours. But after returning home, colleagues will no longer look for meetings, share experiences and invite each other to visit. And if one of them changes the line of business, they will stop communicating altogether.
Example: If one of the partners focuses on traditional family values, while the other prefers to lead the way of life of a “party-goer”, sooner or later the members of the friendly union will stop communicating, because subject to strong friendship, supporters of different views will have to adapt to each other at the expense of their own values.
Example: Very often, friendship is born on the basis of shared goals, or these goals support the interest of friends to each other. College students are united by a common task to successfully complete their studies, find a good job and achieve career growth. At the training stage, they help each other with homework, discuss vacant positions and innovations in their professional field, and solve similar problems.
But after graduation, friends choose different paths of development, they no longer have topics for conversations and goals. The first time the friendship can continue at the expense of shared memories, but over time, this resource is exhausted.
Example: One of the friends constantly brings his friend, not following the agreement and not fulfilling promises. As a result, a friend who was let down is disappointed and is looking for a more reliable partner (whom he can trust without looking back).
Kinds
There are several types of friendship between the two partners. In some cases, a friendly alliance includes not only two partners, but also people close to them:
- creative (awareness of the value of his comrade as a creative unit, encouraging his impulses to express himself and mutual motivation / inspiration);
- spiritual (members of a friendly union enrich their inner world at the expense of a friend, are in a state of complete understanding and acceptance of their partner);
- household (such friendship arises either on the basis of territorial proximity or general professional orientation, when a person needs a friend and chooses a partner from his closest friends);
- family (when two members of a friendly union attract members of their own to communicate, forming a friendly community, that is, friendship with their families).
The so-called "Friendship against someone." Such a friendly alliance is formed on the basis of common hostility and the desire to share this feeling with someone who can reinforce confidence in the imperfection of the object of hatred (add fuel to the fire).
Such a partnership is born as a destructive form of relationships, but over time it can grow into a real friendship, provided that the goals, interests, etc. are similar.
What is the difference from ordinary communication?
Communication is often mistaken for friendship. In fact, people simply come into contact to discuss general political views, interests, news, fashion trends, etc. How does communication differ from friendship?
To simple friends usually no deep trust. With them do not share secret secrets, secret desires and fears.
To acquaintances may arise positive feelings (sympathy, respect, solidarity), but steady attachment will not be formed. Also, communication without friendship is unreliable interest can disappear at any time.
Attachment is often confused with “falling in love with the image” and worship. A person wants to enter the inner circle to an authoritative person for him.
But at the same time, an authoritative person is only an image (a millionaire, a famous person, a respected scientific figure, etc.), or a cover (a beautiful girl, a stylish guy, etc.).
A person is aggressively seeking to meet and communicate with an idol, but it does not appreciates him as a person, does not look at him as a real person with weaknesses and weaknesses.
What is important in friendship?
With someone we can talk pleasantly, and then forget about this person for the rest of his life. And without someone we cannot imagine our life. What keeps warmth and affection in friendship?
- Regular confidential communication. Friends can not live without each other. In a busy work schedule, they find time, if not for a meeting, then at least for a short call or correspondence, which allow you to be aware of events occurring in the life of a loved one.
- Welcome meetings. These are not forced meetings to lend money, ask to sit with the children or form a company during a tax trip (although they sometimes happen). These are meetings that take place on the sincere desire and initiative of the two parties, even if there is no reason.
- Understanding. Friends are well aware of the features, character and habits of their friend. They will always understand, listen and give good advice to each other.
- Mutual assistance. A friend is not obliged to sacrifice himself for a partner in a friendly union.
But he is always worried about a loved one and will provide all possible assistance in solving problems.
- Lack of selfish motives. Friends can help, make nice or please a friend without expecting something in return.
- Presence of points of contact. This is what unites two different people (interests, attitudes, activities, dreams or plans).
What does it mean to be friends?
To be friends is be able to give. Sincerely sharing thoughts and benefits, experiences and resources (material and spiritual), not expecting reciprocal gifts. This desire to be in a friendly alliance, to accept your friend with all his flaws and oddities.
But it is important not just to accept a person and his negative sides.
A friend must see in his close person personality. Appreciate your friend for the uniqueness and originality.
He should enjoy being able to talk, spend time and share the moments of his life with a person chosen as a friend.
How is it shown?
Friendship manifests itself in good intentions. A friend will never wish evil. He is guided only by the desire to help.
Criticism and condemnation can be presented in a rough and mild form (depending on the temperament of a person and the style of communication between friends). But both criticism and condemnation are aimed at instructing a comrade rather than offending or offending.
The manifestation of friendship is willingness to be close during hard times. A true friend not only goes with his partner for a fun walk, to the cinema or to the beach.
He will also bring medicine during his illness, support in case of a divorce and calm in moments of despair. At the same time, he will endure bad temper, tears and even hysteria.
Genuine interest - Another manifestation of friendship. A comrade doesn’t just listen to a friend’s stories, imitating interest in order to wait for his turn and “cry out into the vest”.
His really important to knowhow was the day comrade, how the interview ended, and how things are with the new lover.
Laws
Does not exist universal laws of friendship.
All people are different, and according to this, all relationships are arranged in different ways.
But there are 4 universal laws on which true friendship based:
- do no harm (in relation to the friend purposeful actions that have a negative coloring are unacceptable);
- Dari (in friendship, it is important to be able to give and help, to be useful);
- look for a growth point (take only the best from a person, simultaneously revealing the positive aspects of a friend's personality both for yourself and for him);
- be sincere (do not lie and do not dissemble before a friend).
What do friends mean?
Friends are people, next to whom you can take off the masks and be yourself. People, during communication with whom there is a feeling of coziness, comfort and fullness.
To put it in a nutshell, friends are:
- part of your world;
- people who make life better (by deed, word or energy);
- like-minded people.
Functions
A friend, as a member of the union, there are certain functions or roles:
- Soul warmer (provide a friend with emotional stability at a difficult moment).
- Vigorous kick (when motivation or incentive is needed);
- Listener (when you need to share experiences);
- Loyal fan / supporter critic (when it is important to raise self-esteem);
- Magic wand (when problems occurred);
- Sure protector (when you need support and support);
- Role model (because everyone has dignity and perfect skills);
- Fun generator (when you want to have fun with fun talk or arrange unloading).
Perfect formula friendship does not exist. Everyone for himself deduces this formula by trial and error.
But it is necessary to understand that friendship is a static state. We are changing, people close and dear to us are changing. But this time-tested friends do not cease to be our friends.
How to learn to be friends? Psychology:
