Ruddy cheeks and an awkward look down often seem like very nice gestures. But shyness takes the opportunity to meet new people, feel confident in front of the boss, having fun in the company at a party. Some experts say this is an innate personality trait. But work on oneself will contribute to deliverance, even from the fact that so deeply rooted in childhood. Let's see what shyness is and how to overcome it.
What is shyness
Shyness is the mental state of internal tension, stiffness of words and movements, timidity, social awkwardness, self-doubt, indecision, lack of communication experience and building relationships with others.
There are many theories where the feeling of timidity comes from. Clinical psychologists claim to be genetically transmitted, like other traits: eye color, height. A shy person has a highly excitable nervous system, like his parents. Therefore, tend to avoid danger, conflict.
Behaviorism consider things in the aspect of "stimulus from the external environment - a person's reaction to this." To achieve some kind of result, you need to learn. It is believed that some have not mastered adequate communication skills. But only learned a negative experience during an attempt to lead a conversation. Therefore, these people should be shown how to talk and behave in a circle of people.
Sociologists and social psychologists they say that the reason for the formation is the attitudes of society and the conditions of upbringing in which we grow up. For example, shyness is considered a noble trait for a girl, but not for a guy. In Muslim countries, this position is further aggravated.
Psychoanalysts claim that there is a conflict inside. By the type of quarrel or misunderstanding after the conversation, which was in high school. Deeply hurt feelings, and then they were not worked out. Therefore, in the future, when meeting with a similar situation and people, negative emotions, the desire to avoid conflict will emerge.
Family Psychologists emphasize the dependence of the order of birth and how shy the child will be. Above the first there is always more trouble and desire to save, which sometimes translates into overdetermination. And the second or third get more freedom, confidence from parents. Therefore, they grow more liberated.
Neuroscientists declare that a person will be shy or not, depends on serotonin - the hormone of happiness. If it is flawed, it will often be timid. Deficiency also causes constant fatigue, anxiety personality disorder, the occurrence of phobias.
Shyness is of two kinds:
- External - stealth, unwillingness to communicate, avoid large companies and parties. It is clear that contact with some or all people provides fear and a great level of anxiety.
- Internal - in the presence of others, it seems to be a socially active member of the conversation, successfully contacts and does not give a look. But inside is repressed anxiety and a desire to hide from everyone.
Who is this shy person
A shy person is someone who often stays in a state of insecurity in their own abilities, has difficulty communicating with strangers or their leader. At the physiological level, manifested in the form of increased sweating and tachycardia, hand tremor, pain in the head, facial flushing. The degree of expression depends on how subservient the feeling of shyness is.
American researchers conducted an experiment where men were shown pictures of different girls. Where they showed gestures of timidity, those pictures received the highest rating of attractiveness. Concluded that shy women are considered sexier.
Men, whose eyes are timidly running around, also have their advantages. We conducted a survey of girls of different ages. They consider shy the best partners in life, and in sex in particular. Since they pay more attention to women, they are more affectionate.
Shy people often drink alcohol to increase their own sociability and lower the bar of shyness. They also conducted a study where people drank alcohol in a bar and evaluated their attractiveness. The more alcohol in the blood, the higher the score. Alcohol increases self-esteem and allows you to have a free conversation.
Most spend time on social networks, instant messengers. This allows you to get communication, which is often lacking. And to avoid discomfort, since there is no tete-a-tete contact, there is time to think about its replica. But, paradoxically, it would not have sounded, it is virtual conversations that exacerbate the situation and make it impossible to get experience in interacting with people.
How to get rid of shyness
Although the feeling of timidity is assessed as a nice trait, it can significantly degrade the quality of life. Therefore it is worth exploring how to overcome shyness.
Analysis of the ideal "I"
Everyone in the head has an image of an ideal "I". What we actually represent does not coincide with it. Often this difference is cause for shyness. It seems as if much worse than they should be. From this it becomes embarrassing and awkward in front of others.
No one is perfect, so do not worry about this. If this does not reassure, you might think what it takes to achieve in order to become better. Making up and improving the features, you become more close to the image. Accordingly, more confident.
Create a "Success Diary"
You can take a notebook, write down there all your achievements throughout life. Often we are not aware of how much has been achieved, because events pass and cover new ones with their heads. Therefore, the list before your eyes will help to see all the progress, improve self-esteem.
You can also do with character traits. Write all that you like in your personality. People get used to themselves, the poet does not notice what good qualities they possess. But this is also a kind of achievement and advantage. This will greatly increase self-esteem.
New image
There are many books about how famous people have reached incredible heights. But each of them had to go the hard way. You can study how they did it, what helped, what motivated you. Using the information received, it is worth trying to present yourself as this famous person. Playing the role, you begin to get used to it and becomes confident.
Think past conflicts
Guided by the theory of the shyness of psychoanalysts, we need to recall the conflict that affected life. Perhaps, then it was impossible to cope due to lack of life experience. But over time, you can return to the memory and put everything on the shelves.
It may be difficult to do it yourself. Since there is a subjective attitude to the situation, unwillingness to see all the details. That is why there are psychologists who will help pull all the points to the surface, study and assist in their decision.
To abstract
There are situations that drive into the corner even the most confident. The face begins to redden, the heartbeat quickens - a feeling of timidity appears. For this you need to abstract. There are many ways. For example, breathing exercises. You need to take a deep slow breath, and then a slow breath and hold your breath. Repeat this algorithm several times.
Imagine that you are putting on an invisible cap or cloak, which is designed to protect you from negative negative opinions, influences, and onslaught. Although it is difficult to believe, but the subconscious will work, to imagine that you are safe. The alarm level will decrease.
Develop confidence
Confidence is not a feature that is given to us from birth. It needs to be shaped, developed every day. You can make a plan for the day, the week on which to move forward. For example, in Monday Say hello to an unfamiliar worker, by whom they always passed and did not bother to even smile at him. In Tuesday give someone a compliment in public transport. AT Wednesday start a small conversation with a neighbor when you eat together in the elevator; or the seller in the store if there is no queue behind. Every day, complicate tasks and strengthen those skills that have already been safely secured. In this way confidence can be achieved at the level of the king of parties.
To visualize
Come up to the smallest detail, how to meet a new person. Where it will be, under what conditions, what will you talk about, where will you go: to the park or to coffee. And also how to end this conversation. Thus, in the head there will be a whole generated algorithm. Which you just need to follow.
If the first-second time does not work, then do not be upset. After all, people could rush to work, had a bad mood, did not have the desire to make new acquaintances, or were also embarrassed to communicate. After all, there are many such people.
Shy child: what to do
In order not to think about how to overcome shyness, it can be prevented in childhood. Parents should not take great care of the child and not follow his every step. If he is under such care and in a close circle of adults, then there is no opportunity to gain experience of communication with his peers. Also imposed on the alarm of all the details.
Do not constantly blame the child and not say phrases by type: "You're still small for this.". It is worth focusing on success. And do not be ashamed of expressing feelings, of your opinion. To form an adequate self-esteem and self-confidence.
A lot of communication and practice is great.! With relatives, with classmates, friends, get older. It is necessary to record a child for dances, theatrical art, tourism or other circles where there is an opportunity to communicate in a team.
You should never express your anxiety to your child regarding the possible development of shyness, that this should be avoided, and what it leads to. It is also impossible to use the example of other children who are more sociable, so that the child does not feel worse than them, and does not withdraw into himself.
It is worth the sooner to think about how to stop being shy. Since this feeling can develop insecurity in oneself and one’s own strengths, fear of more reputable people, members of the opposite sex, and various phobias. Therefore, using advice, you can cultivate a solid self-esteem and successful experience of communicating with strangers.
