How to learn to say no?
We all love to help others and to feel their importance and irreplaceability, and therefore can not always, we are able and want to refuse. We accept any offers, ranging from voluntary donations to an incomprehensible fund and ending with a request from a neighbor to lend money to payday. People say “yes” only because the word “no” they uttered causes guilt and discomfort. It is especially uncomfortable to refuse to face, and not, say, by e-mail.
Why does this short word cause so much difficulty? Most likely, because we have a need for social communication and feeling as a part of society. We worry about the fact that if we refuse to any person, he will change his attitude towards us.
So, how to learn to say no?
1. Rehearse the failure in advance. Imagine that you are asked to participate in something or offer to buy something. Write and memorize the short and polite text of the refusal, and then begin to apply it in reality.
2. Postpone your final answer. If a question (request, suggestion) caught you off guard, depending on the circumstances, answer with the phrase "I need to clarify my work schedule" or "I will think about it." If you postpone your answer, then the applicant will most likely turn to someone else.
3. Start the refusal with a positive statement, that is, soften the refusal with a polite and friendly introductory phrase, for example: "I am very pleased that you addressed me. However, this very day I have a list of minutes."
4. Do not promise what you are not going to do. Do not be tempted to say the usual phrase "maybe next time," if you really don't think so.
5. Stand firm on your own, even if the person refuses to take the no as the final answer. Feel free to repeat your polite refusal several times.
Your ability to say "no" is a signal to the outside world about who you really are. This is a testament to your worldview, integrity, courage and firmness of character. If you sincerely, correctly and politely answer "no", then you will not have to emphasize your refusal, insist on it or explain its reasons. The word "no" brings you back to yourself, to your present self.
Consider the following situations. When you negotiate the purchase or sale of a car (apartment, cottage), and you are offered a poor-quality product or a ridiculously small amount, won't you say no to out-of-courtesy? If an unloved person is proposing to marry you, will you be afraid to offend him and also don’t say no? And if your boss asked you to lie to a large customer, what would you say to him?
As soon as you understand how and when to say no, then your life will begin to change. And further. In our world, perseverance, confidence, frankness, openness and honesty are those qualities that are always worthy of respect.
