How to survive the death of mom: practical advice and the opinion of psychologists

"You truly become yourself on the day you lose your parents"

Henri de Monterlan

How to survive the death of mom? Speaking on the death of someone from the family is always difficult. Especially if we are talking about the most dear person. To accept this loss is impossible. Mom - is support, understanding, caring, forgiveness, love. There are no more such people in the world, nor will there be. But we must continue to live.

First of all, you need to realize that each of us at a certain moment buries his parents. This is the natural course of things. And although no advice will reduce the pain of loss, it is important to read the opinion of psychologists on this subject. You should know how to build your life further, what to rely on, where to find an outlet, how to let go.

How to accept loss?

Regardless of age, the death of the mother always makes you feel like a little child again, who was abandoned and left forever. He feels the horror of what happened, does not understand what to do next. Get rid of this feeling is not easy.

It is necessary to make every effort to reconcile with reality - mom is no more. Now mom (or dad) is you. Future or real, it does not matter. You have already matured, and what happened - it was inevitable. Sooner or later your mother would die. Of course, you wanted her to stay with you a little longer, to be more happy, not to suffer, etc. Most likely, you didn’t have time to say goodbye, didn’t say or didn’t do the main thing. You feel guilty. Maybe that is what gnaws you the most?

In fact, suffering from the loss of a mother, a man is overcome with self-pity. He thinks: “I feel so bad that I will never see her again, hug me, talk,” “no one will ever love me more than my mother”, “they deprived me of the main support, support, understanding”. Yes this is true. But to constantly be in these thoughts is wrong.

It is necessary to send all the pain in a creative direction. You can become really close with children. Give love to the remaining living relatives. Start writing beautiful poems (or engage in other creativity). Of course, this will not return mom. But it will help to establish peace in the soul.

Opinion psychologists

Psychologists say that after the death of the parents, the person suffers a lot for about a year. Then the emotions subside, and interest in life gradually returns.

In order for the pain to really subside, it is important to go through all the stages of mourning:

State of shock (1-3 days). The message about the death of the mother first enters into a stupor. Man denies reality. It seems that this is a mistake, a bad dream, etc. He has to confirm the fact of death again and again. Some do not go out of this state for many years, or even a lifetime. For example, the daughter leaves all the things of the mother, hoping that ever they will be useful to her again.
Sobs (1-9 day of death). During this period, the person is overcome by the most powerful emotions, he feels pain, despair, and cries a lot. Periods are replaced by sobbing full physical and emotional exhaustion. Especially often this is observed immediately after the funeral.
Depression (40 days). Relatives and relatives return to their former life. Support is becoming less. There is an acute feeling of emptiness, a strong melancholy, anger.
Mourning (up to a year). Emotions subside. Acute pain appears only occasionally. A person is aware of his loss, spends a lot of time behind the memories, carefully enumerates them, tries to talk to someone. When rolls melancholy, crying.
Anniversary. The important point is when all the relatives gather again. This day is celebrated commemoration, commemoration, prayer, a trip to the cemetery. Such a ritual should help finally say goodbye and let go of the mother. Not necessarily on the same day. Mourning can last up to 1.5 years. Further, unless there is a jam, the daughter or son returns to everyday life. At times they feel all the same emotions, but the general condition remains satisfactory.

Important. Nature laid the natural mechanism of living grief. To interfere with it or neglect it is fraught with consequences. A person can get stuck at a certain stage, which means plunging into a long depression. No wonder our ancestors invited professional mourners to the funeral. They helped to tune in the desired way. Therefore, the first time you need to move away from all the important things, take a vacation, send children to visit, to cry enough. In this case, it is strongly recommended not to suppress feelings with alcohol, sleeping pills or sedatives.

Practical advice

To survive the death of my mother is very difficult. It is doubly harder to do it alone. That is why we have collected the advice of those who have coped with such grief. They may also be useful for you:

Speak your grief, do not withdraw into yourself. From the side it may seem like people are avoiding you, but they are not. They simply do not know what to answer, how to support you, so as not to aggravate the pain of loss. So just start the conversation with the phrase: "I need to talk now, please stay close and listen to me." Try to find a person who has already experienced the death of a loved one, or talk about it with a priest, a professional psychologist.
Get creative. The pain that has accumulated inside you must find a way out. It is impossible to express or cry out all. But you can express it in your work. Try painting or beading. You can also start writing a book or poems. Choose any creativity that is close to you in spirit.
Start helping others. Caring for others makes you feel needed. It returns from heavy thoughts to reality, fills life with new meaning. You can take care of lonely old people, animals, children without parents.
Occupational therapy. Physical labor, especially in nature, helps to escape from gloomy thoughts. You can make a beautiful garden, start building a house, etc.
Think of mom only in a positive way. Try to remember only good things, as mom was happy, happy about what she was proud of, where she was and what she saw. You can even fulfill her cherished wish. For example, visit an exotic country, attend a concert of your favorite star, visit her friends of youth.

Advice of the author. Often the severe pain of loss is associated with understatement. You did not have time to tell your mother how much you love her, ask for forgiveness, thank you. To get rid of these thoughts, start writing letters. After writing, burn them immediately. You will definitely feel better!

In order to survive the death of the mother and let go, it takes time. Of course, you will never be able to completely forget about your loss. But surely the day will come when you will think not “what a pity that mother left”, but “what a happiness that she was”!