Studies of the "Institute of the Earth" show that Denmark, Norway and Iceland occupy the first places in the ranking of happy countries. We are somewhere in the second half of the list. Why did it happen so? Why do we for years pull the strap on unloved work? We panic when we hear the question of desires, because we don’t remember them ourselves? We complain to friends, we forget and continue to hope for a miracle that never happens? Do you feel that you are missing something? So it is. It's time to take over and learn to want again. Simply. Take it. And do.
Hollywood screenwriters know exactly how to write the right script. Surprisingly, many draw on plots from Russian fairy tales. The hero (and he is also not a hero at all, so-so Ivan) faces a problem (the dragon took the princess away) and says to himself: "I can’t cope with it. The dragon is big, and I am who?". Then he reflects and goes on a search on the principle of "come what may." Happy End: Ivan becomes a Hero, the dragon is defeated, the award (she is the bride) has found her savior.
But before the battle it would be nice to get acquainted with personal dragons.
Know your dragon in person
How do educated, intelligent and successful people end up with simple desires? This happens for various reasons.
- Childhood. Often parents consider a child to be insensible, even when he receives a passport. They indicate what to wear, what to eat, where to go to study and in which company to make a career. The child simply does not know that he has his own desires. He was not taught this.
- Fear. We are afraid to seem ridiculous, clumsy, uneducated. The fear of looking somehow "not so" so big that it fills the entire inner space. Desires seem so irrelevant that they are already afraid to remind themselves.
- The conflict of desires and values. Desires and values rarely coincide. More often they are at different poles. Need to choose: either-or. Tasty to eat or be slim. Being sexy or modest. Anxiety increases from such polarities, and desires, on the contrary, disappear.
- Suppression of desires. It is necessary, correctly and effectively - many build on this successful career, but unhappy in life. Success consists of two equal components: emotional and material. Therefore, concentrating only on a career makes people unhappy.
Psychologists are successfully working with these reasons for unclear dissatisfaction with their own lives. But what to do if you already want to understand yourself now?
Man depressed in search of himself - how to stir his "Wishlist"
Who is this man downbeat? He goes to work on the machine, wakes up hard in the morning, hardly performs his duties, and then sadly goes home in a crowded bus. There are still loans, children's education, and a pipe holiday. For simple desires is no longer enough strength. He lost joy in life. He is despondent.
By tradition, in search of himself, He goes to training. But coaches and coaches schemes do not work for one reason: they teach how to set a goal and achieve success. But they do not tell you what purpose I want to set. Neither 80 nor 150 training tools will give results, because without inner desire there is no energy. We are accustomed to constantly extinguish the inner impulses in us so that the internal energy is no longer generated.
There is a solution: you need to begin your resuscitation with a forced impulse. You need to stir up unexpected actions. What can be done?
- sign up for a drawing lesson;
- ride a bicycle by yourself or with a company;
- make a new hairstyle / grow a beard;
- to give your loved one something for no reason;
- call a classmate or an old friend to chat;
- visit the first teacher;
- bake a three-story cake;
- take a course of massage;
- buy red socks.
It doesn’t matter if it’s an old list of unfulfilled desires or a crazy new idea. The goal is to teach the heart to respond to simple joys. How Munchausen pull himself out of the quagmire to start wanting.
McDonald's Theory - let's go from the opposite
Journalist John Bell first described McDonald’s theory in his article: “When the office can decide which restaurant to go to for lunch, I offer McDonald’s. This is obviously the worst option. and quickly come to a common decision. "
How does this work in your life? For example, you came to the store to buy food for dinner. But the desires were so atrophied that the idea “I don’t know what I want.” Think of the worst option: leave the store and stay hungry. The brain starts to turn on. Then think about what you really do not want: sweet, sour, spicy. After that, start formulating your desires.
We think too long to take the first step. All the energy goes into doubt, as a result, there is not enough power to act. Sometimes you just need to make your inner critic shut up and just take the first step. And the second is much easier to do.
Tell yourself: "this may be crazy, but what if ...". Try to simply jot down your wishes on a piece of paper and you will see a miracle happen: the brain will immediately begin to offer more and more.
The myth of the only vocation is just a myth
Thoughts about the Right Path not only excite people, but also drive them into depression. They think: “If I don’t have a cool WOW answer to the Destination question, I’ll become a loser in the eyes of others.” This leads to the opposite result: we do nothing, fearing to make a mistake with the choice. We are afraid to take the wrong train that will take us to the wrong future. Therefore, we hang on the stage of “I want something, but I don’t know what” out of fear of making the wrong choice.
Dreams do not necessarily lead to a high goal. Often they help to pay attention to what is right in front of your eyes. If you spend your whole life looking for THAT most desire, you can miss the chance to find yourself in something else. Looking through the love of your life or your favorite work. Although, deep down 90% of people know what they want to do in life. But do not admit to themselves in this. Why? Because it is not so important to know. Much more important to do. We create our life by living it, and not suffering about it.
There is no "miraculous" destination. There is something to which you have a soul and liters of sweat to be spent on the way to mastery. We should not follow desires. Desires must follow us.
The story itself about itself, which can be rewritten
We only write our own stories, we can change them, edit, embellish or think out. For example, to retell another story about the wrong choice of profession and boring work in the office. To tell myself: “I am not working in a profession. But I can help people / be useful / train new employees / offer something new. Telling yourself about your life will show it from a different angle. If the story turns out to be inspiring, it will help you find it in events new meaning.
The change of history can take years. A story about your own life will help to clarify it. Put everything on the shelves and understand how you became yourself. If you slow down to reflect on your story, you can change it. Include stories of love, development, and empathy. Concentrate not on what you have lost, but on what you have gained.
Slow down life to pokayfovat
In Gestalt psychology, there is such a thing: a contact curve. According to this theory, all events take place in four stages: awareness of need, pre-contact, contact and post-contact. It sounds abstruse, but in life everything goes like this: you understand what you want to eat (awareness of need), go in search of food (pre-contact), eat (contact) and enjoy (post-contact).
What's the catch? We often miss the moment of pleasure: we gorge ourselves and immediately rush on, reach the top and immediately rush to the new. We do not have time to "digest" success and get pleasure from what has been done.
Need to slow down. Sit after eating to taste it. After that, there is no desire longer. Mark success at work, and only after that make plans for the future. Teach your children this: celebrate their achievements and get high on what's done.
It seems that everyone around is passionate, active and know exactly what they are striving for. This is not true. The question of what they want in life is alarming or even panic to many. After all, they also think that something is wrong with them. If you feel that something is missing, look around: you are not alone. Others think so too. You only need to find others.
