They say that it is the complexes that make us complete people. Yes, some manage to move up the career ladder and become successful everywhere it is driven by their complexes. But there are few of them and, as a rule, these are people with the hardest temper. In order for success to be in everything, you need to get rid of the inferiority complex.
Where does he come from
Vanya was beaten all the time in his yard. Not because he is weak or small, but because he himself believed that he would not be able to cope with his peers ... They seemed to Vanya stronger ...
Attractive and charming Galya recently divorced. All her life she considered herself ugly and perceived herself as the ugliest in the class and in the group, the worst dressed and absurd. Who would like this? In and toga, married the first guy who showed interest in her. Divorce only "fed" the inferiority complex of a beautiful woman ...
Alya lost weight with 13 years. Due to the presence of forms, she was teased in the classroom; moreover, her thin-boned and thin mother and sister were constantly laughing. However, judging by the photos, even in that era, Alya was not fat ... It did not come to anorexia, but the girl hides a sexy figure under the bags from under the potatoes ("I will lose weight - I will buy a mini and in general a mountain of fashionable clothes ...") and with a weight of 45 kg considered itself complete ...
Before you get rid of inferiority complexes, you need to understand where it comes from. It is not only parents who criticize the child for any childish misses, sometimes forgetting that he is small. Parents have more terrible mistakes. For example, to compare a child with a neighbor Misha or Masha: well, they are learning only for one of the five, beautiful, they embroider a cross and they sing in the choir and they don’t say they are tired, but you ... That’s how the first stone is laid in the foundation of the complexes. What to do here? forgive the mistakes of parents and realize that you have already grown up and have not been a Losers for a long time, but a person with a higher education and an interesting job. And do not allow such an error in the upbringing of their children.
Guilty may be the teacher. But if in the second grade an angry teacher called you a fool because you could not solve the equation, this is not a reason to consider yourself a fool all your life. Just a teacher is not a good person. You are not 7 years old to admire adults and consider the opinion of any of them to be the ultimate truth.
Another source of complexes - peers and their childhood cruelty. There really is a lot of drama. But driving through your car through the city, going from an interesting event or an English lesson for a higher level, look closely at yard teenagers: are you afraid of them, are they interesting ... just about. Those boys that beat you, no. And those girls who teased their ugly classmate for being unfashionable and unkempt, or for being overweight, may have turned into immense wives ...
The rest we do ourselves. We compare ourselves with someone and come up with an ideal, which you cannot reach, we depreciate what we have. Hence, complexes, apathy and dissatisfaction with themselves. But if a person does not appreciate himself, it is very noticeable.
What not to do
Everything is simple here. We do not create ideals and do not correlate ourselves with them. In addition, do not devalue everything that you have and do not compare yourself with the rich and successful: perhaps their success is due only to the wealth of the parents. And still it is not necessary to speak about yourself in a strict voice of your mother: let you have your own opinion about yourself, and not your mother's.
Determine the cause of your complex
To deal with your misfortune, remember the most traumatic situations from childhood and adolescence and ask yourself these questions:
- What thoughts and emotions did you experience at that moment?
- What thoughts were after this incident? Was there an internal dialogue?
- How strong were your emotions?
- How much did you worry after that?
- And now look at all this with the gaze of an adult and realize that the people who said this were wrong.
* Reassess all your negative beliefs about yourself. Write them in a column on paper. And now, on the contrary, we write a positive statement-refutation.
For example:
- I am a stocky, full-bodied and broad-boned - I have an hourglass figure, smooth legs and beautiful hips.
- I am a boring conversationalist - I can be interesting, I have something to talk about, but I need to communicate more and be less silent;
Now cut the sheet and burn the side where the negative statements are recorded.
- We change the negative dialogue about oneself to a positive one. Catch yourself on all negative thoughts about yourself. Immediately turn off all "I'm badly dressed," "I'm bored," or "I'm a coward." Immediately we change them to positive ones;
- Recognize your weaknesses. It is necessary to perceive oneself as it is. In addition, it will help you to perceive criticism correctly. Writing down the weaknesses on paper, write next to the merits, at the same time, the merits should be no less than the disadvantages. Do not complex about the weaknesses: they are and those whom you consider the standard. And as soon as you remember your weaknesses, immediately think about the best that is in you.
- Do not take criticism too hard. An adult is well aware that this is just a subjective opinion. In addition, the causes of your complexes are not in the events or other people, but your reaction to them.
So, if friends once again called you an egoist, step back on the situation and remember how many times you helped friends. Perhaps they take your help for granted. In addition, the egoists of others are most often called precisely egoists. - Communicate only with people positive and cheerful. In general, practice communicating with a variety of people - so you will understand that no one is sown above you and does not criticize at every step.
- Work on yourself constantly. This is a physical development, and intellectual, and spiritual. Actually, this way you level your shortcomings and correct what is really possible to correct. Firstly, when mastering new skills, self-esteem will grow, and secondly, you will be able to become both a more interesting conversationalist and a more beautiful and harmonious person.
- Get a role model. No, neither the ideal guy whom you envy and with whom you compare yourself, but the one you really admire: someone you know or friends, the film’s hero, a celebrity, a character in a book ... Take his strengths to yourself and play his role, even if at first it will be uncomfortable and unnatural. Over time, his strengths will “grow” to you.
- Keep your diary. In it, you should write only success. Devote at least ten minutes in the evening to him. Over time, you will understand how successful.
- You can set goals for overcoming your weaknesses.
- Learn to rejoice that you have. Still, you also achieved something. By the way, try to upload photos of your achievements and the results of your work to social networks: you will see how much enthusiasm there will be, especially if they did not expect this from you. Moreover, you will realize that you can do a lot and have achieved much more than a beautiful girl (on whose page on the social network you often come across) who rolls around the resorts at the expense of a rich lover and bought a new fur coat at his own expense. Who knows, maybe someone compares himself to you and a comparison in your direction.
See also:
How to stop taking everything to heart: 8 ways
How to learn not to be shy: 5 ways
