There comes a time when frank conversation is inevitable. How to start, so as not to frighten the interlocutor? Where better to arrange a meeting and how to behave? In the article we will answer these questions and tell you how we are manipulated through sincere conversations.
What is a frank conversation
Straight talk is communication on purity, without tricks, cunning or deceit. To speak frankly is to exchange sincere feelings, sensations, thoughts.
The most common topics of frank conversations:
- Sex, sex. This is quite truthfully spoken with adolescents in the framework of sex education. Frankly, the topic is discussed by partners, sexologists, bloggers, etc.
- Relationships with people. To all we have different feelings - irritation, admiration, love, hate, and so on. Emotions and feelings towards others are usually expressed in conversations "for purity."
- Diseases. The topic is revealed in the context of psychosomatics, in the process of examination. It is discussed most often in the circle of loved ones.
- Self-analysis, repentance. Reminds a frank conversation with yourself. The topic is relevant during periods of age crises - 18, 25, 30, 40 and 50 years.
Straight talk yak tool for effective communication
A heart-to-heart talk:
- helps to understand each other better;
- brings relatives and friends together;
- resolves conflicts;
- eliminates misunderstanding, guilt or resentment, pride and so on.
Straight Talk: pitfalls
- True stories, personal feelings and other details can play a cruel joke with those who discovered them. You never know to the end what a person really thinks about you and how your relationship will develop further.
- The difficulty of such communication is that, trying to look better, we are not speaking from the present, but from ourselves the way we want to be. Then where does sincerity begin?
- Excessive candor spoils relations with loved ones. Speaking of the innermost, we bind a person with obligations to keep our secrets. Did he ask us about such an honorable mission? A sense of responsibility for other people's problems does not bring together, but alienates.
- Everyone has their own truth. It is advisable not to forget that it is too subjective in order to lay it out at every opportunity. Our truth can offend, hurt, distort reality.
- Expressing our thoughts too openly, we are broadcasting a label to ourselves. For example, by expressing frankly our conservative views on the life of a country, we become conservatives for others. What if the line of thinking turns to liberalism in a couple? Convince the sincerity of views will be hard.
Important rules: how to start a frank conversation, conduct it and complete
Choose a place to communicate, determine the time
All participants should be comfortable. And, therefore, it is better to conduct a conversation in a neutral area - an unpretentious cafe, in a park or another uncrowded place. To concentrate and relax, you need relative silence, a pleasant atmosphere.
You can worry about the decorations, which set up for emotional communication: delicious tea or coffee, pleasant sounds (birds singing, sea wave), light aroma - flowering plants, incense.
Psychologists consider the best time for serious communication to be from 10:00 to 12:00 in the morning, when the body is awake after sleep, but not yet tired. It’s extremely undesirable to start a frank conversation when a person is hungry, ill, irritated, tired or drowsy.
Carefully choose the words
To begin with the phrase: “We need to talk seriously, this is one of the biggest mistakes. The replica puts an end to the dialogue that has not yet begun, since the interlocutor subconsciously closes. He, feeling danger, wants one thing - to retreat. scold and so begin a farewell monologue lovers.
Psychologists say that the most important thing for successful communication is a positive attitude, disposition, and benevolence. Therefore, it is undesirable to perceive the upcoming conversation as crucial. We need to treat it as an attempt to establish contact. Smile, ease of movement, simplicity of words. For example: "To be honest, then ...", "I wonder how ...", "I will be honest ...".
Avoid the pronouns "you", "you"
Phrases of the type "You do not hear me!" or "You do not want to change" is better modeled as follows: "It seems to me that it is difficult for you to understand me" / "It is probably difficult for you to change habits." Caution with pronouns, adding words with a hint of uncertainty is a course towards a good result of negotiations.
Make a clear thought
Coming from afar, we risk to tire the interlocutor, to lose the thread of dialogue, not to achieve any result. No matter how difficult it is, but your point of view must be clearly articulated and expressed. The most important thing now is to be sincere. If the interlocutor notices false, he will not open. Bold enough to talk about their concerns, feelings, wishes. A small confession will translate a frank conversation into an active phase.
Listen to the interlocutor
In order for the dialogue to have a result, one must not only speak out, but also listen to the orchestra. It is advisable not to interrupt or comment, to give the dictum as much time as the person wants to take.
Sum up
Do not hesitate to ask again, clarify what the stalls meant. Ambiguity is the main enemy of conversation for purity. If we do not fully understand something, then we begin to think out, fantasize, "wind up."
Straight talk as a way of manipulation
Some specially master the art of frank conversation, to use others for their own purposes. Others do it unconsciously. In order not to fall into a communicative trap, you need to know where it is placed.
- Sometimes managers tell a couple of their secrets to subordinates in order to bring them closer to themselves for manipulation. The subordinate, feeling like a "special" colleague, whom the boss himself trusted, agrees to overtime, additional tasks, endless requests.
- To tell the shocking truth is a way to discourage the interlocutor, to make vulnerable. Feeling awkward, a person ceases to think clearly, unable to think about a solution.
- If the goal is to find out important information, the manipulator will not ask questions directly. He will begin a frank conversation with telling something intimate about himself, make him sympathize or admire, and only then go on the offensive.
- Before the interview, one of the applicants for the position casually begins to talk about their achievements, victories, recommendations. What is he doing? Psychologists are confident that he skillfully manipulates, lowering the self-esteem of the others before an important meeting. The most vulnerable participants start slouching, losing self-confidence.
How to find out that we have a manipulator
It is necessary to stop the conversation by asking: "Do I really need to know this?". If the interlocutor argues, why struck up a frank conversation, you can continue it. But if the answer is followed by reproaches in the style: "I am with you with all my heart, and you spit into it!", It is time to withdraw.
You can get away from the annoying communicator, referring to the inability to keep secrets or unwillingness to speak on complex topics.
If the time to start a frank conversation has come, use our article as a brief guide for its conduct. Remember the dangers and manipulations that people can use against you.
