Why does it happen that someone, wherever he is, feels like a born leader, and for someone trying to join a new team requires titanic efforts? It turns out that solves the sociability. Or rather, how developed it is in our country. About how to develop communication skills, read on.
What is interpersonal skills?
Sociability is the ability of a person to establish contact with others, maintain communication and emotional connection.
The term is actively used in psychology, sociology, linguistics and economics, and its essence is the subject of detailed research in each of the listed disciplines. What caused such an interest? The fact is that sociability is the key to professional realization, the development of personal life and success in general. In fact, it is the quality of character, talent.
The level of its development depends in part on the temperament of the person. Sanguine and choleric are lucky, but phlegmatic and melancholic have to “strain” to master the art of conversation.
The development of communication skills begins in the womb, which is proved by perinatal psychology (the science that studies the connection and influence of the external world on the infant in the womb). It turned out that the more a mother talks to her child, the stronger becomes the foundation for the further development of the baby, speech, including.
After birth, the baby actively studies the facial expressions, gestures of adults, listens to their voice, giving a response, which is communication. We pronounce the first words before the year, and in the third we are already talking with subordinate sentences. But why does it happen that someone else being a child does not feel any barriers in communication, and someone is even hard given a greeting?
Factors that "inhibit" the development of communication skills at an early age:
- Releasing left-handed to right-handed;
- The lack of training aimed at the development of small motorboat;
- Punching adults, lack of communication;
- Features of physical development, provoked by diseases;
- Ignoring the needs of the child.
If at preschool age the parents knew how to develop interpersonal skills and did everything for this, then in the future it will be much easier for the child to develop.
Humanitarian disciplines at school are aimed precisely at developing the skills to conduct a dialogue, clearly express one's thoughts, and find mutual understanding. But the educational system is structured in such a way that not everyone has the opportunity to open up and become real speakers. And it happens even worse - people, on the contrary, become locked in for a long time, become notorious and insecure.
What to do in such situations when the certificate has long been gathering dust on the shelf of the dresser, and the craft of free communication has not been mastered? Learn by yourself, starting with our advice.
How to develop communication skills
Do not avoid communication
Many "silent people" admit that communication brings them discomfort, so they try to avoid it in every way. On practice, this is manifested when a person debugs phone calls for later, goes to the other side of the street, seeing a neighbor who can talk to him or when he deliberately does not sit down in a transport near a potential “talker”.
Such people will never ask the way for passersby. It is much easier for them to look at the maps on their own, decipher the signs or wander around the area in search of the desired item. Anything to avoid talking to strangers. To develop communication skills, you need to eradicate the fear of conversation. If someone appeals first, you need to support his conversation - this is the first advice.
Take the initiative
When the first item is completed, you can proceed to the level more difficult - deliberately look for the interlocutor. What is not a challenge under the big name "I start the first"? You need to set a goal for yourself every day to start a conversation with someone. And so a week. Then every three days add one conversation. It is desirable to record everything, to take into account omissions and catch up. Mandatory plan - to start some number of conversations. It doesn't matter what and with whom - with the neighbor about the dog, with the janitor about the weather, with the boss about the political situation in the country or with the secretary in the office about gender inequality. What will it give? Overcoming the psychological barrier and winning the fight over the complexes. Sociability is a quality that requires practice, practice again practice.
To be open
Probably everyone remembers the Soviet cartoon called "Little Raccoon". A small young one, coming up in a pond, sees its twin on the water surface. He takes a formidable pose to scare the enemy, but he gives the Raccoon a similar answer. When the frightened baby came home and told his mom about her adventure, she advised him to come to the pond again and smile to the one who sits in the pond. Thus, the young animal discovers the secrets of communication.
History informative and adults. Especially those who do not know how to become sociable. We draw the answer from a fairy tale: we tune in to the positive, we smile more, we radiate goodwill. After all, if you start a dialogue with thoughts that will not work, that communication will not bring success, the addressee will feel this and will reflect the negative, like a mirror. Being open and honest is hard but effective. These qualities attract others with a magnet, have to themselves, make them trust, and slyness and isolation only repel.
That is, you need to show genuine emotions: to laugh, if something is fun, to be surprised if something really struck. Interesting dialogues, heated discussions, and heart-to-heart talks begin with emotions.
Respect the opinion of the interlocutor
It is said that tastes are not argued, and comrades are not at all "in color". Because, as many people exist in the world, so many opinions exist. And this is wonderful, because in this case communication is like knowing each other, discovering truths, and being able to understand yourself. As far as the opposite would not be the opinion of the interlocutor, it must be respected.
This does not mean to be agreeable, but implies the acceptance of the fact that someone has a different reality. You can and should express your thoughts, attitudes or opinions about a particular issue, but at the same time do not get personal, exploding attacks: "What a fool!", "There is nothing to talk to you about." Finding a common language with everyone is not easy, but possible.
To visualize
Communicate with a fictional character to help overcome the communicative barrier. This is not about fairytale heroes, but about real people with whom it is difficult to establish a communicative connection in real life. It is necessary to present them in front of you and start a dialogue by shooting it on a video camera. It is necessary to observe yourself with your movements, facial expressions, listen to the intonation and timbre of your voice. It is important to identify your strengths and weaknesses in the conversation.
Many, looking at themselves from the outside, discover habits that they had never even suspected before. Some people notice that their eyes are running too fast, some find that they mumble, others that make faces and so on. Critically looking at yourself as a speaker is an important step for someone who wants to learn how to develop interpersonal skills. Shy nothing! The famous orator Demosthenes had intermittent breathing, a weak quiet voice, a habit of tugging at the shoulder, but he became famous for convincing himself to the whole world. His efforts helped him: he locked himself in a room with his head shaved to one half so that there was no temptation to leave the house, and he was engaged.
The purpose of retreat was one - to learn to speak beautifully. To do this, Demosthenes was picking up a mouthful of stones and pronouncing his speeches. We, of course, do it completely unnecessary, but it is desirable to improve speech skills. This will give confidence, becoming a new step on the ladder of self-development.
Achieve the harmony of the body language
We can communicate not only verbally, that is, in words, but also non-verbally - using gestures, facial expressions, bodies. In detail the facial science is engaged in physiognomy. Researchers say that by the contractions of the facial muscles can determine the temperament of a person, see the internal state, which he tries to hide. But it is enough for us to harmonize our facial expressions and speech.
There are people who are gesticulating so abruptly that those around them stop picking up the meaning of what has been said, they only watch hands waving or heads in different directions, fearing what they will get in the eye. You need to control and restrain your body impulses. If this succeeds, in the future you can make non-verbal ways of communicating with your secret weapon. That mimicry is the point or question mark at the end of a spectacular replica.
Develop communication skills: games for the entire company
The game is an effective form of learning that is good not only for children, but also for adults. We offer a variety of leisure interesting fun aimed at the development of communication skills.
What kind of emotion?
- All participants are divided into two teams.
- On the table is a deck of cards with images of different emotions or inscriptions of their names.
- A member of one of the teams draws a card and shows his players a fallen emotion (pantomime).
- Everyone has a minute. If the team guesses, it gets 10 points.
- In the next round there is a participant from the opposite group. And so in a circle to an equal number of attempts to determine the winner.
Role-playing game
- Several participants receive a task prepared in advance to play a particular situation. The rest must guess all the conditions of the communicative situation.
- For example:
- An angry grandmother with an expired cookie turns to the consumer protection service.
- Galileo Galilei proves to the representatives of the Inquisition that the Earth is round.
Do like me
- All participants agree to perform the movements shown by the facilitator.
- The facilitator simultaneously utters and executes his instructions:
- raise your hands up;
- clap your hands;
- cross your arms;
- we touch our forehead with our forefinger; at this time we touch our nose.
Most will do what they see, not what they hear. This confirms the power of visual perception.
Communication is a way to interact with the outside world, which everyone can learn. These tips and exercises will close the gaps in the development of conversational skills. This will provide an opportunity to comprehend a new profession or get promoted, change yourself, make new friends and much more.
