I really want to write a personal post that does not address any specific problem.
I just want to critically comprehend the past, outgoing year. Designate frameworks of ideas that I managed to understand, emotions that I managed to endure, conclusions I made this year.
I hope the article will be useful for you.
The practice of periodically reviewing the events of the past period: day, week, month, year, helps to draw conclusions from mistakes, track your own development and make plans for further movement.
Every year I see off with the same thought: "My God! A year ago, I had so much of everything immature, not past becoming! I seemed to be a child! How much has changed in a year!"
And I hope that in a year I will think the same. And after two.
Because if such thoughts cease to come, then it can already be regarded as an alarm bell, indicating that I have stopped somewhere or have lost the sharpness of attention.
What changes have occurred this year? And where is the New Year mood? =)
Contact with values
I felt that the practice of mindfulness gives rise to new and new changes. When I first began to meditate, I began to feel much more sharply and clearly my body, to feel the needs of this body, to listen to it.
What helped me quit bad habits. I literally began to feel at the physical level the destruction of my own body due to the influence of alcohol, cigarettes.
I also learned to more closely monitor aspects of my mind: thoughts, ideas, emotions. This helped to understand the many internal problems or to outline the prospects for their solution.
But this year I noticed that I understand my heart better.
You know, you can often hear: "I do not know what I want!"
I can not say that I have any new aspirations for this year. Rather, I was able to just grope those desires that were already long ago, but which I simply did not notice. I just realized what I want!
But why don't I always understand this?
I saw that I was losing contact with my values when: angry, annoyed, jealous, criticizing people, worried, tired, experiencing any strong instant craving.
And it happens all the time! I, like every person, go through a wide range of emotions.
But I regain my connection with my deep desires of the heart in moments of clarity, awareness, peace of mind, when I notice a brewing storm in time. The water calms down and the bottom can be seen through its surface.
This year there were many moments when I acted contrary to my values. And then I was always haunted by the feeling that I was changing my heart. And vice versa, when I listened to him, followed his command, I was accompanied by a feeling of some kind of correctness, confidence, rootedness ...
Therefore, even during an emotional storm, I try to remember my values, although I don’t feel them. Seeing them in front of you, like an arrow of a compass, and stubbornly following it, although a veil of instant emotions dims my eyes.
Finance and growth
From the point of view of financial achievements, the year was fairly stable, continuing to maintain the level of last year, but without a clear increase. But with prospects for the next period. I started to prepare a large project, which I have been working on since summer. I hope he will be released within a few months and I will have time for new articles, which, to my deep regret, I did not devote enough time at the end of this year.
If last year I was somehow psychologically assimilated in the perception of the fact that my work related to the site had become my main source of income. This year I gained greater comfort and confidence within this role. A clearer understanding of their value for people and its implementation in the framework of labor.
I kind of felt the boundaries of the space of the psychological needs of all kinds of people, which I can fill by offering my own active and somewhat unique help.
Also this year was marked by a good start in personal education. He began to attend training courses more actively. The big discovery was learning the therapy of acceptance and responsibility, which I want to continue next year, coupled with getting a fundamental academic "background".
Self acceptance
This year gave me many moments of confrontation with the inner "shadow" aspects of personality. In qualities that I did not want to recognize and see in myself. But through dissonance, a more in-depth self-acceptance was developed.
I noticed that it was getting easier and easier for me to let go, to say to myself: “don't give a damn,” about such situations, because of which I could worry about for hours, or even days!
"Did not like that person? Probably, he thought something bad about me?" - "do not care"
"Couldn't keep calm when I just got naham bank employee?" - "do not care"
"Spit" is not in the sense that to score at all. And in the sense of: "well, I understood, made conclusions for the future. I will act differently next time. But now why bother?"
At this moment in time, reality is what it is. And I am what I am.
It became easier for me to stop being a harsh critic of myself and to begin to perceive myself as a living being in the midst of the realm of other living beings. A person who fights, strives for happiness, experiences emotions, fears.
Which can love and hate, be strong and weak, resolute and doubtful, disciplined and lazy.
These states replace each other one by one, this is called life. And I, as a person, can live all these emotions, pass through myself and accept them.
My everyday experience is much more saturated with the awareness that life outside and inside me just flows its course: there are problems, conflicts, pleasant, unpleasant, and I just allow it all to be, letting go of the concern that everything does not always happen. as i want it.
No "New Year's mood?"
Just yesterday, one of my readers and students wrote to me that she had no New Year's mood, and she was very worried about it. In her question, I felt the installation: "I should be good and happy now, and if it is not so, then something is not normal with me."
I rarely cite my personal problems as an example. But in this situation, I decided that it would be most welcome, it would be best for a person to help, I answered something like this:
"I'll tell you about the experience of the last few days. I have absolutely no New Year's mood these days. I am very tired, very tired of work and other things that have piled on holidays. I also got sick.
Yesterday I had to go all day on business. And now some kind of insanity is going on in Moscow: people have not yet had time to leave for the holidays, to relax, and their tension has reached its peak. Rudeness, anger, irritation everywhere.
In one bank tried to deceive. When I noticed an attempt to deceive, I received a portion of notorious rudeness in response.
He was too tired, tired, had a cold to adequately respond to the insolent, left spat upon. But with your money.
In general, no mood.
But you know what? This fact does not bring me much discomfort. Yes, the mood is not the rainbow, but well, it will pass! I'm not trying to make it good with all my might.
No, I do not enjoy it, I do not like it at all. After all, I am a man and do not like to experience unpleasant emotions. But thanks to practice, I learned to take it.
I have ceased to be bad about the fact that I feel bad! I wrote the first “BAD” letter in capital letters because it is larger than the second “bad”. I am just “bad”, not “BAD + bad”. And this is not so terrible!
This is life and we all go through such emotions. We should not always feel good. Life is full of suffering! And, truly, our suffering is measured not only by its external attributes, but by the ability of our mind to suffer and experience.
We cannot always change external circumstances, but we can take care of ourselves and adjust our personal ability to respond to them.
And if we learn to take pain and stress, then instead of a destructive action, these things begin to fill, enrich us, grinding out the granite of our personality.
I do not convince myself that "I HAVE to be fun, because now are the holidays!" No, why torture myself, my emotions do not need me, they are as they are.
I concentrate on my values. I don’t bother about “why I feel this way,” I do what I love. I love helping people. And I'm doing this, at the moment I am trying to help you by answering your question.
I can do this despite my condition =) Because I choose this. I choose my values. I choose what I like to do. But I don’t choose emotions, but to hell with them, let them be! "
New Year - “all new”?
In the phrase "New Year" lies the expectation of some kind of update. Here comes this conditional date, and everything will be in a new way!
But if we are a little more attentive to our life, we will see that every day, every minute, every second gives something new.
You can hear: "I woke up a new man!" So each of us wakes up every day with a new person! The old dies, and the renewed is born. And so it happens day after day!
Therefore, I want to wish you all to notice these changes. Everything is in continuous change, in continuous formation.
Do not focus on the past, which you can not change.
Less worried about a future you don't know about.
And with gratitude, love, acceptance to meet the present! Every new day!
Ps. If you want, write in the comments what this year was for you! In general, write whatever you want. Maybe something I say. Or someone else =) I will try to answer.
