Trying to collect my thoughts after a long break from working on texts, I began to write this article. Those articles that are a structured presentation of educational material, for example, how to quit drinking or how to get rid of obsessive thoughts, require from me a sufficiently strong concentration and spend a lot of effort. I start such articles only in the morning, with a fresh mind, having previously meditated and sketched in the head or on paper a rough outline of the presentation of the material.
But now, in order to get back into work after the holidays, I’ll just tell a little story and describe my journey a little. I think my readers are also a bit tired of dry tips articles and will want to read this story. (Like this entry, I already wrote somewhere)
A month ago, I went to India, where I still am. During this time, I lay down in Delhi Hospital with severe poisoning, visited solitary Buddhist monasteries in the Himalayas, saw colorful fire rituals and funeral processions on the banks of the Ganges. I got an unforgettable experience, but still the journey and constant flights tired me. I have long understood that the brain is very tired from impressions and needs a calm, measured and monotonous rest.
Therefore, I am glad to be here in silence, surrounded by the colorful greenery of mango trees, coconut palms and other plants that are still unknown to me. I am happy to return to work on the articles, sitting in the pleasant, moist cool that the wind brings me from the Arabian Sea. With the noisy, crowded people, animals and cars, the hot north of India, I ended up in the calm and quiet south, in the picturesque state of Kerala. And I plan to spend at least a few more months in this wonderful place.
How did I get here?
The last two years I have been working in a fairly successful company in my market. Almost six months after my employment, I witnessed how a good, strong, friendly corporation began to slowly sink to the bottom because of strife and disagreements on the board of directors. This process was not sudden, but went on gradually, so many employees, including me, did not even understand that the case was moving towards bankruptcy or the disappearance of the company in the market.
Due to the metamorphosis of the corporation, associated with a change of leadership and a change in policy, a working vacuum has formed in the work team. The staff is there, but there is no work at all. People began to use this time in different ways. Someone began to study, someone to look for another job, and someone just fooled.
I began to use this time to work on my online projects. If before that I was just doing my own business when I had free time at work (including the previous one), now I was at my personal full time. Despite the complete absence of “official” work in the workplace, I didn’t have much free time, because all the time I was devoting to the development of my projects.
So it went on for over a year. When it became clear that the company would not continue to exist, I was faced with the need to find a new job. But by this time my projects had already started to bring me some kind of income.
I already understood well what I want to do. It was clear to me that I would be much more useful to individuals and society as a whole if I develop a number of projects, including a website on self-development, than if I do, say, software development for office needs. In addition, participation in your own projects can bring more freedom and independence than daily office work. And these considerations have become more important to me than the money that my office career brought me. It was absolutely clear that the next work in the office would no longer be compatible with the work on projects, since I managed to get carried away with them thoroughly while I had a lot of time. Even the matter is not only in time, but also in mental strength and concentration. I wrote at the beginning how difficult it was for me to write some articles. And it was hard for me to imagine how to look for new ideas, write articles about self-development, if my head would be filled with suppliers, customers, databases and programs.
In general, over the past year a clear desire has been formed in me to fully surrender to the path that I took a few years ago, taking the first tentative steps with an uncertain step, not knowing then where it might lead me. But as I worked on my sites, I was strengthened in the belief that people need it and I need it. I realized that it was really important for me and that compromise was no longer possible. I have to remove what prevents me from being where I am most needed, where my future is ...
And I decided to take advantage of this gap in my corporate career to travel, to live on the ocean in India. Life here is easier and much cheaper than in Moscow. Here I can completely devote myself to work on projects, as well as actively engage in yoga, meditation (I plan to visit "retreat"), self-development and write about it on my website. Fortunately, India provides plenty of opportunities for these activities. And my income from projects, although modest, but remote and allows me to work anywhere in the world. And with these plans, my wife and I took two tickets to Delhi, without buying return tickets. So began our journey ...
Advice I have changed several jobs in recent years. And, I must admit that none of them had systematic "rummaging", although they were periodically observed. But free time has always been. When I decided to start implementing my projects, I began to use precisely this unoccupied time in the office. So use your free time at work with the mind! It is not necessary to do exclusively what to think, how to create your own business. You can simply study, improve your qualifications and, after a while, earn more thanks to this (or go to a job that suits you more). There are a lot of courses and books on the Internet! Having worked in the office, I witnessed how the majority of employees were wasting this time, which they could devote to their professional development, not to mention personal. Many of them then complain that they receive little or are not taken to other companies. This is a fee for social networks, online games and videos on YouTube.)
Journey
I do not want to turn the second part of the article into some travel notes. If I make a travel blog in the future, then these notes will have a place there. Here I want to tell a little about India from the point of view of calling my feelings, my intellect, my principles ... I will tell you about the experience that I learned from communication with this amazing country. I do not pretend to be a man who has fully understood India. I have visited very few places and I understand that my experience is just a tiny part of the experience that can be obtained here.
As long as we live in a familiar rhythm, among the usual things, worries and people, we, for a while, get a sense of confidence in the reality that surrounds us and self-confidence, as part of this reality. We go to work, save for a car or give a loan, think about which school to get our son, and spend the weekend with friends. Despite some life problems and troubles, they have for us a predictable and painfully familiar look in this familiar environment. And our inner reality, responding to the monotonous course of this external reality, takes on us the same clear, complete and predictable look. After all, every day we deal practically with the same stimuli, which cause practically the same reactions for which we already have our own solutions. There is no need to invent anything new, because with everything we have already met, everything is already in the space of standard solutions and reactions. And this seeming stability forms the belief in firmness, the steadfastness of our inner world, with all its ideas and principles, which are beginning to seem solid to us like a stone.
But as soon as this external reality changes, we discover in ourselves that which we didn’t suspect, and our usual notions give rise to flow, as the foundation under them begins to fall apart. I felt this when I went on campaigns for a month to Altai, where there is no mobile connection, you have to count on supplies per person per day, and in some places you will not meet a living soul for a whole day.
I met the same phenomenon in India, but I was ready for it. Therefore, when I was confronted with the scorching reality perception of the northern Indian cities, I did not stand in the position of the person who criticizes the country to which he came, due to the fact that she plunged him into shock. Of course, as a European (after a month in India, I stopped doubting that Moscow is still much closer in culture to Europe than to Asia), I was scared to see the abyss of poverty and dirt that had opened up before me. In some areas of Delhi and Varanasi, it seems that every cubic meter of surrounding space leads an active life and at the same time seeks to interact with you. The crowd around from all sides is trying to persistently attract your attention to the purchase of silk, food, clothing, taxis, hashish. And skillful thieves are trying to trick you to get your money.
All this is very different from what surrounds the usual Muscovite. But I immediately tried to perceive it not only as a problem of India, but as a problem born of the space between what I was used to and what I see around. All my feelings of shock, extreme surprise, irritation were just my own reaction to the unusual situation. India did not cause in me any such feelings that would not exist in me. Simply, all these new reactions were buried under the usual comfort (or, better, “the comfort of the usual”) lifestyle in Moscow. And now, awakened by new irritants, they asked outside. And this country gave me a great opportunity to see in myself what I would not see in a familiar setting. That is why I took Indian reality as a challenge! Challenge yourself and your principles. Will I be able to accept the reality that almost half a billion people face every day or at least sometimes? Will I learn to relax in an atmosphere of eternal fuss and form an adequate response to what is happening? It only depends on me and I accept this challenge! If I can cope with this, it will give me a tangible advantage in controlling my condition and help me learn a lot about myself!
Unclear morality
What is very confusing here are moments of moral uncertainty. If a person encounters every day with the same things in his city, then he develops a system of standard moral interpretations. That is, his concepts of good and bad are strictly defined, he knows that you need to help those who have helped you, and those who are trying to deceive you do not need help. Solving ethical issues in a familiar setting is easy.
But in India it's different. These solutions sometimes seem really difficult. What to do with a rickshaw driver, (a type of taxi in Asia, representing a two-wheel carriage for two or three people, to the front of which the front part of the bicycle is connected. The carriage is driven by the muscular labor of the pedal driver), who does not want to surrender, although the price was negotiated in advance?
On the one hand, this is an obvious deception and I want to stand up for my money and threaten the police. On the other hand, for a tourist, these twenty rupees (about 12 rubles) mean much less than for this rather poor driver. But to let him go like this is to encourage deception, flourishing among drivers, in which other tourists may be involved. But this man works all day in the heat, breathes exhaust fumes and carries people literally on his back, and you can show sympathy for him and forgive a little deception. But after all, with him so agreed on payment, which is slightly higher than the real cost of the trip. But, again, on the other hand, you probably should not make trouble about this money, since it is a very small amount, you just need to be careful next time and take the change first, and then give your money. Honest drivers who regularly comply with the terms of the transaction can be given tips, and with cheaters you need to be alert, pay them, but not give anything from above.
(One more uncertainty can be added here. On the one hand, it is a pity to use the work of these people, because this is a very harmful and health-killing job. But, on the other hand, these people are only happy to work and earn money).
But this final decision is preceded by a complex moral dilemma. I cited a similar case as an example of the displacement of moral orientations that occurred to me throughout my journey.
Customized solutions
India once again reminded me that each life situation should be considered separately (especially the situation associated with the assessment of people), individually, and not be customized to the general patterns. We often forget about this in terms of comfort, trying to adjust any problems to a known pattern.
The more often a reaction manifests itself, the stronger the temptation to fix this reaction as a standard one and not use anything other than it. During the time we were going to one of the ghats in Varanasi (descending to the Ganges in the form of steps from which people perform washing and bathing), I probably said a hundred times the words "No", "No" and Nei / Naha ("No "in Hindi), responding to all sorts of merchants souvenirs, blessings, religious services, drugs, which are very intrusive to offer their goods or services. And there are a lot of such merchants here.
When I reached the necessary ghat, I met a very decent boy, who even spoke some Russian and offered me his guide services. I, obeying the inertia of denial and mistrust, refused him (I said “no” too much), which I regretted later. Only after I left the ghat did I realize that I could really take the boy with us. He would show us a lot of interesting places and certainly would not require high fees. I saw how upset he was about my refusal. At first I thought it was just because of the money. But then I realized that what really upset him was the lack of opportunity to spend time with people speaking the language he learns, chat with them and show them places that he knows perfectly well ...
From that moment on, I realized that I need to remove this mask of mistrust and evaluate each person individually. India teaches flexibility in assessing people. Moreover, it forces one to be flexible ...
I must say that this helps the very sincere and open expression of the faces of the Hindus. Their faces seem to mirror the state of the inner world clearly. By their expression, by mimicry and intonation, one can easily distinguish a thief from a decent person. Intuition let me down only once, when I almost fell for a divorce on the “burning” ghat, where the dead are burned around the clock. Local deceivers understand what kind of shock tourists may experience from such a spectacle and very subtly try to lure money out of them, speculating on their moral feelings. Therefore, on the “burning ghats” it is better to try on the notorious mask of distrust if you find yourself there.
Contrasts
To say that India is a country of contrasts is to say a terrible banality. But, probably, just as trying to describe St. Petersburg, it’s difficult to talk about India without platitudes. After all, everything has been said to you. Contrasts are really everywhere. And this is not only a contrast of cultures, cleanliness of areas, prices, it is also a contrast of people. Yes, many people in cities like Delhi and Varanasi are trying to inflate tourists and lure money. But, at the same time, there are absolutely sincere, kind and disinterested personalities who are ready to help just like that, not expecting anything in return. And there are a lot of them, just like everyone else.
Therefore, it is important, as I already wrote, to get rid of the stereotyped perception of people and try to read what is written in gestures and eyes.
I'm used to the fact that strangers in the streets give me a sincere smile, which in India is often blindingly white, perhaps because of the good calcium absorption in such a hot sun. Those who speak English, smiling widely, met me. In their questions read sincere interest, and not just a dry tribute of formality. One boy, after finding out my name, seriously wondered if I believed in God. I heard his question very well, but asked again, since it was unusual for my Western mind to hear him so immediately. Я помогал местным рыбакам вытащить на берег лодку и мальчик задал вопрос про Бога, обернувшись ко мне и не выпуская каната, за который мы все дружно тянули, из рук.
Действительно, если ты встречаешь незнакомца из другой страны и понимаешь, что через 5 минут он уже навсегда исчезнет из твоей жизни, то зачем тратить это время на разговоры о погоде? Почему бы не узнать то, что действительно тебе интересно?
Помимо самих индусов здесь очень много интересных людей из других стран, которые также как я приезжают сюда на длительный срок. Кто-то из них просто интересуется индийской культурой, кто-то находит спасение от офисной работы, а другие приезжают за изучением духовных практик, обучением которым так славиться Индия. С ними бывает очень интересно и приятно пообщаться, правда потом, как правило, приходится расходиться и каждому идти своей дорогой.
Новое выражение
В Индии я стал замечать, что мое лицо изучило новое выражение, которое я до этого никогда не использовал. На моем лице появилась широкая улыбка, обнажающая зубы. Я знаю, так умеют улыбаться многие люди, но я никогда этого не умел. Я всегда улыбался только ртом, пряча зубы за губами. Я часто улыбаюсь и смеюсь, но в моей московской действительности не было ничего того, что могло бы вызвать настоящую, широкую улыбку. Но здесь уголки моего рта сами вытягиваются, а губы сами приподнимаются в ответ на улыбки прохожих детей с красными точками во лбу, женщин в цветных сари и мужчин, покрытых испариной…
Вот так началось мое путешествие. Надеюсь, оно будет полезным и вдохновляющим для меня и даст мне возможность полностью отдаваться тому, в чем я вижу свое предназначение…
PS. Работать собираюсь в прежнем темпе, а то и быстрее. Все консультации, подписки и материалы, все остается как прежде, ничего и ни кого не бросаю! Спасибо! Надеюсь, вам было интересно читать!=))
