The question of how to live after a divorce arises in most people who are experiencing a break in relations, because this event changes life drastically.
You are free again, but at the same time you are at a loss.
Psychology of a divorced woman
Family destruction - ordeal for both sexes. Women, as a rule, experience this very painfully, especially if they were very strongly attached to their husband.
I miss for him
Love, emotional attachment to a person does not pass immediately.
And the mark remains for many years. First time a woman can miss her ex-husband a lot. What to do?
All her thoughts are focused on one thing: is it possible to return everything back, to improve relations?
Inability to let go leads to neurosis, depression. I do not want to work, relax, take care of yourself and the house. She spends time in senseless experiencesbut the husband does not return.
Instead of rebuilding her life, she lives only with thoughts of her ex-husband and experiences, why this happened. Over time, the pain subsides. But there is a category of women who for many years remembers only one man.
Dependence on a spouse who is no longer there, leads to the fact that she remains lonely and does not want or is afraid to start a new relationship.
I hate him
There are also opposite feelings of love: hatred of ex-husband. She can express herself in verbal aggression, assault, accusations, prohibition to meet with children.
However, not all women express hatred openly, she can simply accumulate inside, cause a bad mood and feelings.
This feeling appears in response to injustice: he changed me, threw, committed physical or moral violence.
In both cases, work with a psychologist is recommended. Emotional addiction from another person becomes the cause of constant stress, inability to harmoniously build their own lives. You do not depend on yourself, but on your ex-husband, no matter what emotions you experience.
Psychology of a divorced man
Men too are going through a divorce, but a little differently. They less emotional more practical. In many ways, the strength of the experience depends on the cause of the gap, who is considered to be guilty.
Behavior
How do men behave after a divorce? A man after a divorce can take completely different actions depends on relationship with ex-wifehis goals:
- trying to be sure to see children if they are important to him;
- on the contrary, it limits communication, disappears. This may be due to shame, anger, resentment at the ex-wife;
- it starts up “all bad”, looking for fleeting connections on the side;
- moves to live with his mistress, who appeared during the period of living together;
- decides to spend some time alone to move away from the stress of divorce.
What does he feel?
Feelings and feelings depend on the nature of a particular person, the reasons for divorce. Anyone worries and divorce for a man is also stressful. He can feel guilt, anger, resentment. If the relationship was complex, then comes a sense of liberation.
At the same time, even after parting, it is difficult for a man to give up the feeling of ownership, therefore he can be jealous of his ex-wife for a new partner.
At first he can think, and whether to return the wife back. This is a normal reaction and one of the stages of separation. But after some time there comes awareness and addiction to the current state.
Does it pity?
It is difficult to answer this unequivocally, it all depends on the reasons why the gap occurred.
If the couple divorced because the man has changed, then it is likely that he will regret the deed and I could not keep my family.
The wife is the closest person, she becomes part of the usual life, and not the fact that the new partner will be better. Many men even after several months try to return to the family, to the familiar surroundings, to the wife and children.
However, if the reason for the divorce was female treason, hardly a man will regretthat broke up with her. Rather, he will try to break all communications.
What is the syndrome of 17 months?
Most men experience the gap relatively easily. They have no depression, they maintain emotional stability and enjoy life, quickly find a replacement spouse.
However, after about six months, disappointment comes, depression comes, confusion. The holiday, which was wanted, did not work.
The former wife seems better than the new one and the man realizes that he was mistaken in his choice. This period is psychologists and called the syndrome of 17 months after divorce.
Features of the first year
In the first 12 months you get used to the new way of life.
There is no close person with you, with whom you shared a bed, went to rest, discussed problems, shared joy.
Divorce in any person is experienced as severe stressregardless of the reasons that led to it.
First comes the denial. This is the stage when you think that this is impossible, it’s unreal how this situation could have happened. Then comes the bargaining stage - suddenly you can return everything.
Then man can fall into depressive, depressed statewhen nothing pleases, it seems that life is over.
But depression gradually goes away, and awareness begins, addictive. You let the other person go out of your life, you understand that there is no way back, you have to live on alone.
Someone immediately rushes into a new relationship. Sometimes they help, but most often this is a mistake. In order for the next union to become successful and harmonious, it is necessary first of all realize what wrong you did in a previous relationship.
What complicates a divorce after 20, 30, 40 and 50 years of marriage?
In adulthood, divorcing is more difficult. You are attached to a partner know all his habits, strengths and weaknesses. If even at the age of forty you can still enter into a new relationship, then after 50 it will be more difficult to make, and few are decided to create a new partnership.
During the period of the middle-aged crisis, divorces happen most often, and in this case the most common reason is a man who suddenly realizes that the old life has ceased to suit him.
He gets a young mistress and leaves the family. This is a big blow to the self-esteem of his wife, because her youth has passed, and finding a new man is harderthan 30 years.
However, sometimes a divorce after 20, 30 years of marriage becomes a way out when people are finally freed from each other. The children grew up, left, the husband and wife were left alone, and suddenly realize that in fact they are not holding anything near.
Divorce after 40, 50 years is fraught with man remains alone. After the habit of living together, it becomes a real challenge.
How not to go crazy and pull yourself together?
Emotions going wild, you are constantly nervous, crying, worried, maybe even trying to call your former spouse or to look for a meeting with him.
All this contributes to the nervous system disorder, provokes the development of somatic diseases and exacerbation of chronic. Therefore, you need to pull yourself together and rest. But how to do that?
- Realize. It is to realize that you are not together now. Soberly look at the situation, admit to yourself that the divorce is issued, and there is no going back.
- Let go. Mentally release the spouse. Express your gratitude to him for having been around these years, and wish him happiness.
- Understandthat each person is free in his choice. You cannot force someone to be there, just because you want it.
- Be sure to get an occupation. If you lie on the couch with thoughts of how everything is bad, then it is not far from here before the neurosis. Fill the day with activity: work, hobbies, intellectual activities, sports. The main thing is that there is no time for sad thoughts.
- Enlist the support of loved ones. Surviving a divorce in solitude is difficult. Parents, friends will listen, give advice. Address those people you trust, who can understand your situation, emotionally support and give the necessary advice.
- If there are no people to talk to, go to a psychologist.
How to recover and recover?
Rules for recovery after a divorce:
- Take care of yourself. While experiencing a stressful situation, people often forget about themselves. Go to the hairdresser, buy new clothes, go on a trip.
- Move over. Why not? New place of residence - new acquaintances, work, emotions. Here, nothing reminds of your spouse, there are no people who are trying to be interested, and why it happened and who is to blame.
- Love yourself. Learn to think about yourself. If you are worried that the spouse is no longer around, it means that he has become the center of the world for you. However, the spouse at the same time, most likely, does not even remember you.
So you take care of yourself, increase self-esteem, find a life goal.
- All is not lost, life does not stop. In a period when you are experiencing stress after a divorce, it seems that nothing good will ever be. In fact, it is not. You need time to recover, to adapt to new conditions of life.
- Be responsible for your life. You build your own happiness, and no one will do it for you. So start managing your life and not thinking that happiness depends on someone else.
How to start from scratch?
Is there life after a divorce? Do not rush to immediately enter into a new relationship.
It often happens that you come across an interesting person, and you have very quickly tied a new novel.
You try to forget in this relationship, but you fall into the same mistake. Without having worked through the problems of the past, without letting go internally finally the old relationship, in the end you come to the same thing. Give yourself time to relax, rethink.
New life is fully let go old. You should not be kept from developing. Work out the emotions to the former spouse. Ideally, you should remember him calmly, with a sense of gratitude over the past years, or at least with indifference.
How to overcome loneliness?
Loneliness is a period when you can finally take care of yourself, better know your desires. Now you are free and free to do what you want.
You do not need to cook dinner, if you do not want to wash it, you can even clean it when it is convenient for you. Now you meet with any people, come home late and nobody rolls up scandals, demanding explanations.
With loneliness do not have to fight, but just accept it as a temporary phenomenon. If you want to communicate, you have friends, relatives, make new acquaintances.
Psychologist tips for ex-wives
Let go of husband
Realize that you now live separately. The husband chose this path, and this is his decision.which must be respected. If you love a person, give him freedom. To let go is to achieve harmony within you. Now he is not with you, so it should be.
Learn to live without him.
First you need to learn autonomy.
Many women are afraid of loneliness because they are not able to take responsibility for their lives and children and rely on a man in everything.
Strong woman able to live independently, solve everyday problems, raise children, earn money.
Do not meet
How to communicate with your ex-husband after a divorce? If you do not have joint children, and the property is divided, then communicate with your ex-husband no need.
At first, it is better to avoid any meetings at all, since each meeting is a new emotion and experience.
You can begin to communicate after a time when you no longer have mutual feelings, and you calmly experience the presence of each other.
Try to forget
To forget a person, time must pass. Force yourself to do it. You have to get used to the fact that the spouse is no longer around. If you constantly have thoughts of him, keep yourself busy. intellectual activity.
How to forget:
- find something to doso that there is no free time;
- allow yourself meet other people, but not for the sake of a serious relationship, but for easy flirting, to feel like a woman interesting to other men;
- remove all memories of him: photos, videos, pages in social networks, phone number, ask relatives and friends not to mention the former spouse.
Find a companion
How to find a man after a divorce? The first time you do not need to always seek someone to find, give yourself time. relax, adapt and get rid of stress.
Allow yourself to be happy. If you get acquainted, go to the contact. It is not necessary at all that the acquaintance will continue, but you must develop in yourself the confidence and sensation of female attractiveness.
Get married
How to get married after a divorce? You have a man, and he offers to get married.
It is likely that you have there may be doubts. You fear repetition of a failed marriage.
If you are not sure, find where you get this uncertainty. What are you afraid of? Talk to a new man about doubts. But this should not be in the form of a complaint, ask for advice.
No one guarantees that there will be no mistakes.but you are able to build your own happiness. Having estimated the mistakes of the past, your behavior in the previous marriage, you now know what you should not do.
Psychologist recommendations to former husbands
Learn to arrange life
How to live alone after a divorce from his wife? For men I do not like independence, you have to cook for yourself, do the cleaning, so many people are trying to find a new girl for themselves as soon as possible.
And here lies the mistake - if you hurry with a choice, the union may again be unsuccessful.
How to live:
- learn to cook;
- enjoy freedom and relaxation alone;
- take up work and self-development;
- try to look back on your life, deal with priority goals.
Adjust your privacy
After the divorce can not adjust personal life?
If you certainly and as soon as possible want to start a new relationship, you can start to communicate with the very first girl that you met. As a result, a new disappointment.
Approach relationships thought out. Do not immediately demand a serious relationship, find out a better partner.
If your marriage broke up due to betrayal, then mistrust left to the opposite sex. However, failures in the past do not mean that the new union will be the same.
Just let go of the situation, enjoy life, and new relationships will surely appear.
Divorce - this is not the end of life, but only big changes. Look at it from the other side, new possibilities open up for you.
Is it worth “staying friends” after a divorce and in what cases? Find out the opinion of a psychologist:
