A complex is a psychological state that distorts the perception of oneself, surrounding reality. Looking at the world through its prism, it is difficult to adequately assess reality and attitude to yourself. They have been formed since childhood, and therefore it often seems that it is impossible to get rid of them. But psychologists have rightly noticed that the recognition of the problem is half the way to its solution. After that, you need to adequately assess yourself from the outside, change your approach and thinking.
What is a complex
A complex is a painful attitude toward one's own shortcomings, contrived or real. A person tries in many ways not to show that there is such a problem, but in most cases the mental state is uncontrolled by consciousness. The word itself comes from the Latin word "Complex" - a combination, connection.
In psychology they are a set of motives, attitudes that can provoke strong emotions and feelings. In the common sense - This is a "pain point" that they are trying to carefully hide from prying eyes. If others notice it, they can take advantage of this and try to hurt them in every way. What can be, as expedient fear, and fear, which lives only in the head of this person.
The main symptoms of the complexes
The concept of "complexes" fell in love with frequent domestic use. Often they call things that are not at all involved. The main features of the complex:
- a person believes that he is not worthy to love because of his lack;
- very worried because of the specifics of their appearance or behavior;
- blames parents for the problem;
- feels awkward doing the work that others must evaluate;
- all efforts are aimed at achieving an ideal in which the parameters are often unrealistically high;
- blames himself for dishonest treatment of others, or vice versa - that they are inadequate to him, with excessive demands;
- anxiety level rises before meeting with unfamiliar or important people, a feeling of awkwardness appears;
- in all failures blames the element of appearance or behavior, which becomes the cause of the formation;
- excessive constant stiffness.
Classification and causes
Depending on what is built around the experience of the shortcomings, distinguish:
- Mental - based on psychological trauma, conflicts, attitudes. For example, the complex: sisters, victims, inferiority.
- Physical - relative to the body. For example, about height, weight, nose.
Classification regarding how people are affected:
- Negatively - destructive, alarming, angry, frustrating, angry with oneself and others, feeling of restraint, isolation. May develop a depressive disorder.
- Positive - the desire to improve, striving for real goals. They make a person better, more confident in their own abilities.
The reasons why the psychological complex sits so firmly in the head, pursues anywhere, and it is so difficult to get rid of it:
- formed at an early age - all statements from the parents do not pass the filter of criticism;
- are deep in the subconscious, directly affect the entire psyche;
- interact with all personality traits;
- are under the "cover" of defense mechanisms.
How do complexes arise?
According to the psychologist Adler, inferiority complexes develop in childhood. The child wants to be treated like an adult. He wants the whole world to declare himself, his independence, his acquired skills.
If once parents made fun of cheeks, ears of a child, it was remembered subconsciously as an insult, embarrassment for their shortcomings. With age, formed as a complex. And already an adult girl tries to hide her ears from everyone, although they have become normal for a long time.
The presence of complexes or other psychological problems of the mother, father, older brother or sister, the teacher may spread to the children. For example, the teacher often repeats that not to be someone successful. Or mom is dissatisfied with her height, projects it onto her daughter, putting on her shoes with heels.
At an older age, primary appearance is also possible with low self-esteem and self-doubt. Formed after negative feedback about the person or appearance from a loved one. Or emotionally colored criticism from an unfamiliar, big company.
Inferiority complex
One of the most common is an inferiority complex. It seems as if you are much worse than others around. A sense of inferiority develops. Thoughts that never achieve success, set goals.
Always in constant stress and anxiety. If criticized or give a negative assessment, it is very hurt. Limit yourself in communication, meeting new people, to avoid ridicule, humiliation, because they are very sensitive.
There is another form of manifestation when they are trying to attract attention in different ways, because there is not enough love and recognition. There may be arrogant behavior, boasting, a desire to show oneself better than others.
Man without complexes
Others rarely speak about a person without complexes, since he is the first who declares himself so that everyone hears. These are bright personalities who love to express themselves in all possible ways. Often eccentric, outrageous, without the concept of morality.
This behavior suggests that there are strong complexes. A way of life is only an attempt to cover them both from society and from myself in particular. You want to hide something - put it in a prominent place.
Of course, there are those who do not really have them. Their parents adequately raised them, they became self-confident. Cons, which can not be changed - accepts. And those that can - seeks to get rid of, to develop themselves, to improve. But the difference between the first people is that they do not shout to the whole street, that they have no problems.
How to get rid of the complexes
Complexes about all the parameters, aspects are in our head. Therefore, to get rid of them, you need to change your thinking:
- Perceive yourself holistically. Man is not a separate trait, but their totality. Others perceive the whole picture, which always includes the positive qualities that everyone has.
- Do not compare yourself. This trend is peculiar to many. Of course, there are those that are more beautiful or richer. But worth to appreciate their individuality. Or set a goal to reach the same heights, if it is real. And not just sit, sigh, that I would also like to have such wealth.
- There are a large number of stories about how people, for example, with short stature, achieved success in acting. Having things that cause a feeling of inferiority does not mean that nothing can be achieved in this world. It is important to choose the right goal, go to it.
- If you do not like the appearance, you can conduct experiments on it. Perhaps the current image is not suitable, or tired, or too clearly shows not the best elements of the exterior. Which, by the way, also have all.
- Do not forget to talk about their experiences close.
- Protect yourself from those who constantly notice the shortcomings. Because it strengthens them based on the opinions of others. Perhaps not the most benevolent and adequate people.
Get rid of the complexes - not easy, because they are with us since childhood. But by applying perseverance and effort, changing your thinking, accepting the love of yourself, you can be liberated forever. Become self-confident, achieve goals.
