The first date is the most exciting and long-awaited. However, it often happens that it turns into a continuous illusion. People whose first meeting went off with a bang may well soon be at odds and completely lose contact. Why?
Because at the first romantic rendezvous everyone tries to look better. Because of this, it is difficult to understand who actually turned out to be nearby. How to behave so as to determine exactly whether there is a chance of a joint future with a new hobby?
What is the first date
The first date is the initial stage of conscious contact between two interested people. It can be a basic step for friendship, relationships, partnership. And even for personal growth, because on dates not only a partner is opened, but also the person herself with all her dreams, desires, and ideas.
The first meeting does not always lead to the second, because not everyone knows how to properly conduct it.
Typical mistakes:
- to talk without ceasing, to tell the whole story about himself, not letting the interlocutor insert words;
- be silent or respond with monosyllabic phrases “yes / no”, “maybe”, “understandable”;
- bring friends or relatives as support;
- demand something from a companion from the first minutes of dating;
- behave rudely, unculturedly, trying to show “steepness” (in fact, there is no mention of it).
But an even bigger mistake is to play someone else's role. And everyone suffered this vice at least once. On the one hand, this is natural, because you want so much to like this cute macho or that gorgeous beauty. The complexes are working - and now the mask of another person slowly but firmly sticks to the skin.
However, such grimacing creates new problems:
- trying to please a person, they forget to ask themselves whether he likes his new acquaintance;
- playing a different person, you can skip your real pair, which this role will scare away;
- Often the person herself does not notice how worn a mask is in itself disgusting, vulgar. Who can she lure? That's right - the same disgusting and vulgar. Or playing their roles.
If the interlocutor responds adequately to the shortcomings while managing to notice positive qualities, this is a reason to get to know him better. And if not, is it worth trying for it?
That is why it is important not only to look closely at the interlocutor, attentively listening to him, but also to behave naturally. The masterpiece of the artist with light scuffs and cracks is valued much higher than the glossy picture in a gold frame from an amateur.
How can we see at the first meeting if the person is suitable?
“Spit” on the exterior
Elementary accuracy, of course, is important, but if there is no excessive craving for pedantry in the soul, then no one demands to drive it instantly into oneself. It is better to wear clothes from an existing wardrobe, and not the only dress for special occasions or a “happy” shirt.
With a hairstyle, too, can not be wise. Why not come with the usual styling (or without it at all) with neat, clean, healthy hair? Some more tips:
- do not experiment with perfume on the eve of the event, choose your usual smell;
- for girls - to put on light day make-up or decide to come without him, for boys - to make sure that their beard and mustache do not interfere with communication, lunch / dinner;
- put comfortable shoes on - perhaps a desire to take a walk;
- not to dwell on problems in appearance - all the shortcomings are forgotten after 5 minutes of communication;
- it is desirable that the attire was comfortable - the skirt did not jump, the belt did not press, the blouse did not shine, if it causes discomfort.
Let there be bears with hairpins, bright yellow bow ties or other personal quirks. Who knows, maybe it is on the first date with the next person who is lucky enough to meet the same eccentric, soul mate.
Forget about tips from magazines
“Girls, you have to be silent, laugh at his jokes, even if it's not funny, and silently admire him every 30 seconds”. “Guys, you are obliged to come with expensive bouquets, open your mouth only for compliments and get ready to marry her from the first second of dating”. And another 100 tips leading to a long, but absolutely unhappy and lonely life.
Stereotypes are a dead end. There is nothing human, animate, present in them. But there is a living person with all his pluses and minuses. How to prevent prejudices from spoiling a romantic meeting:
- do not immediately try to link the appearance of a person with his personality, to give him a chance to open up in conversation;
- react adequately to a different point of view, hear it fully, accept arguments;
- in case of any confusions on a date, try to change the subject or calmly sort out and not run off or express indifference, anger, heating up the situation;
- if any words or actions of a person are incomprehensible, find out their cause or meaning - this may be a trivial misunderstanding.
Each story has a million scenarios, tips from cheap magazines are simply not capable of predicting even a thousandth of them. And that means - there is a reason to give free rein to improvisation and a small drop of romantic magic.
Show imperfection
On the first date, every now and then appears awkwardness. It is created by fears - to say something superfluous or not up to date, to seem silly, imperfect. It is better to throw away the fear of your imperfect body or character and boldly confess weaknesses.
“Sorry, I'm late. It happens to me periodically. I struggle with non-punctuality, but for now I'm losing on all fronts ”.
“I quit smoking, so I am more nervous than usual. Difficult, but you have to hold on ”.
“Sweet is my weakness. I can't refuse an additional portion of dessert ”.
You can joke about their features - this is also quite acceptable. What gives such a move:
- the situation becomes freer, more relaxed;
- the interlocutors relax, cease to keep themselves in constant control;
- It will be easier for the partner to open up, tell the truth about himself.
In addition, such frankness can strengthen the bond. Perhaps it is this man who also struggles with his late arrival, abandons a bad habit, or adores sweets.
To ask questions
It is not enough to talk about yourself and listen to the interlocutor. It is important to be interested in his personality. This will help to get to know him better, without building images that are far from reality. What can I ask for:
- hobbies;
- art (especially cinema, music);
- plans and dreams;
- ideal pair, relationship.
If a common topic is discovered during a conversation, you can ask leading questions about it. It is better not to discuss religion, politics, problems, social status, financial situation.
If you still really want to talk on this topic, you will have to formulate everything so that the communication does not look like an interrogation. For example, instead of the dry “What is your income?” Ask “Do you like your job?”.
Don't give a damn about standards
Men - action films, fishing, meat, women - salads, fitness, melodrama. Departure from this model is often perceived as a deviation from the norm. In fact, only the desire to blindly comply with imposed standards can be called abnormal.
If a guy likes walking in the rain, romantic dates, he has every right to invite him to such a meeting.
If a girl is fond of football, she can speak on this subject, wear a T-shirt with attributes of her favorite team, and call the football anthem the best song.
Allow the person to choose a topic
Sometimes to find out a person, it is enough to let go of control over the situation. To give a companion the opportunity to direct the course of the conversation is to understand his type of thinking. What can you learn about a person in this way:
- ability to talk, to be sociable, resourceful
- priorities. What it starts to ask / tell about in the first place is the most important thing;
- desire to continue the conversation, the level of perseverance;
- degree of openness;
- presence / absence of delicacy. As soon as the basic topics are discussed, you will want to ask tricky, too personal or even vulgar questions. This moment will show whether the person has enough decisiveness or arrogance (depending on how you perceive it) to ask them.
The first date can be a fairy tale, where he is a courageous prince, and she is a gentle princess. Or a movie in which a couple plays the roles of a millionaire and a simple lady with a furious reservoir of passion inside, and their love is necessary at first sight. However, fairy tales and films have their end, after which only the unknown remains. Life is infinite. And it’s better to sincerely show yourself to get a chance for new ones. real relations.
