Divorcing a husband or wife is always a shock. Even if family life was filled with scandals and misunderstandings, as a rule, one spouse still hoped to restore normal relations. Therefore, at first, new life does not always bring joy and satisfaction, very often people drown in an ocean of negative emotions: hurt, self-pity, hatred for a partner, only one question gnaws at them - how to survive a divorce?
The content of the article:
If you are guilty
If the partner is to blame
Psychologist's comment
Divorce process
Divorce from a husband or wife for both is a very difficult period. It is filled with clarifications of relationships, manipulations. Everyone considers it necessary to say more offensive words, remember all the sins, “stick with the nose” in the shortcomings.
Indeed, it is very hard, like a loved one (and maybe still), trying to take advantage of every opportunity to humiliate and insult.
But there were some good moments. Why not remember them? If a divorce is inevitable and nothing happens, it is better to try and make sure that this period has a minimum effect on the nervous system. Thank your partner - straight looking into your eyes, tell me that you are making his decision and wish him happiness, that you are not strangers, and even if it didn’t work out in your happy ending story, you want to try to finish it beautifully.
These are not simple words, not many will manage to do so. But your partner, even if not immediately, will appreciate them. Perhaps the process of parting will be easier, and in any case you will feel like a person worthy of respect.
What to do next?
The first time after a divorce husband or wife is given very hard. The habitual world is destroyed, a void is formed in life, which, it seems, has nothing to fill. The worst thing you can do when trying to figure out how to survive a divorce from your husband (or wife) is to go to extremes. Someone closes himself, avoids any communication, someone tries to knock a wedge, throwing all his strength in search of a new love.
And the first and second options will not help get out of the situation. Avoiding communication and being one-on-one all the time with experiences, memories, stress, you can bring yourself to nervous exhaustion and antidepressants. Think about the fact that you with your own hands block your way to your dreams. Most likely, you still want a family, a reliable and loyal partner nearby. But how can you get it, sitting at home all the time and indulging in the thought that life has failed?
Any experience is an experience. The first thing to do is to analyze your own mistakes. Indeed, one person is never to blame for a divorce. Both had wrong behavior if they married for love. If people initially did not fit each other out of habit, temperament, attitude towards life, then the divorce is quite natural. This is just one more chance to find the person who will look at the world just like you.
Attempts to start a new relationship immediately after the divorce, too, usually do not end well with anything good. This can turn into an endless change of sexual partners or lead to new disappointments, because it takes time to understand the mistakes in a relationship. It is better to spend it on understanding what is inside you, how you see the relationship, what you want from your partner and what you are ready to give. Then the choice and the relationship will be conscious.
If you are guilty
It happens that the husband or wife somehow offended their other half, and after, having understood their mistakes, they wanted to correct the situation. There is a chance to restore the family, even if the divorce occurred. The main thing is not to live in a world of illusions. In the end, your partner could simply be tired to endure and explain what he did not like.
But if you are sure that you do not want to give up, but want to be with him, you need to fight to the end. In this case, it is important not to lose contact, constantly try to be close, to remind yourself. Call, ask how you are doing, offer help, explain in all possible ways that you have changed and value your relationship.
If the partner is to blame
To forgive or not to forgive? How to explain that due to improper behavior a family can be destroyed? If you could not save the family and the partner is to blame for this, just let go of the situation. After all, there was no strength to endure. What would happen if you didn't end the relationship? Most likely, nothing would have changed. You would still live with your grievances, fears, daily reproaches.
Such a life is dangerous not only in terms of moral health, but also physical. After all, it is known that a long stay in such situations quite actually affects the physical condition, causing a variety of diseases. But this is not what you dreamed. So, it's time to change - and life, and yourself. Changes are always painful, but without them you can remain in the conditions that are not satisfied.
The answer to the question “how to survive a divorce” is to turn off emotions. They will not help, but only on the contrary, they will slow down the process. In the end, each situation is just what the person sees in it. The fact that for someone is the end of the world, for another is a sea of new opportunities.
New relationship
Starting from scratch can be disastrously difficult. This is hampered by fears, prejudices, self-doubt. It seems that it makes no sense to start, if everything can end just as bad.
Do not rush to rush into a new relationship, carefully look at potential partners, carefully study the shortcomings (they all have) and analyze whether you can accept them. Having understood what exactly destroyed the previous marriage, try to avoid repeating these situations.
In fact, there are not so many true reasons for divorce. Most often, people disperse because of the infringed pride, pride, unwillingness to give up. If this was the reason for the separation, then it can happen in the following respects, because you have not learned to put common interests in the first place.
Some tips
- Do not discuss how to survive a divorce, with friends and girlfriends. As a rule, such conversations end in bouts of self-pity. After all, even the closest people who sincerely want to help, do not always say "This is for the best, you can do it", they begin to wash the bones of the partner, and this only makes it worse.
- If necessary, consult a psychotherapist. If there is no financial opportunity, look for resources on the Internet, where they provide psychological assistance in difficult situations.
- Do not leave yourself free time. The head should always be busy resolving any issues. The more classes - the less unnecessary thoughts, the less power in the evening for memories that tear apart the soul.
- Take care of yourself: wardrobe, gym, books. Work on yourself, make yourself better. This will add confidence.
- Never tell nasty things about your partner to mutual friends and acquaintances. Perhaps you will find that someone wants to feel sorry for you. But, first, pity you to anything. Secondly, you will expose yourself in an unfavorable light. Thirdly, it was your choice, and for the fact that it was unsuccessful, the responsibility lies with you. Even if the ex-husband or wife does not act in accordance with this rule, keep composure - smile and say that you had many good moments with him. These words will surely reach your partner and his passion will be extinguished.
- Always smile. Create your own mood. Endless tears and dramas have not made anyone happy.
Seraphim, Arkhangelsk
